


Fire and Rain

by TheMondayChild



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-28
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-05-27 08:17:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6276682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMondayChild/pseuds/TheMondayChild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kagome tries to adjust to her new life as best as she can. Will she embrace new possibilities, or will she give in to the desire to let her past become her present?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bye Bye Baby

**One: Bye Bye Baby**

**(Bye Bye Baby by the Bay City Rollers)**

"Finally ready!" Kagome muttered to herself, more or less satisfied with her appearance.

Tonight, the night of their first school dance as a couple, was _the_ night. Even though she was only fifteen and he was only sixteen, she felt that she had known Inuyasha long enough to trust him with her virginity. After all, he had been after it the entire two years they'd been dating but had still respected her enough to stop when she said stop, which was often. Nervously, she smoothed her hair, glancing back at the mirror to check her reflection once again.

She looked pretty, but she didn't feel it, and feeling it was everything. She had braided her hair and wrapped it around her head in a crown, knowing the first thing Inuyasha would do when he saw her would be to bury his face in her neck and then angrily free the dark, fragrant mass, undoing all her hard work. It was nice that he liked her hair, considering she spent so much time conditioning and treating it, but letting her wear it a different way would certainly be welcome.

The dress wasn't low-cut but was tight enough to show off her still developing figure, the gold hugging her body and making her skin glow. It clung even to her legs, and it was a little hard to walk, especially with the high matching gold pumps she had "borrowed" from her sister, but she managed, determined to make everything about the night perfect. Kagome had even snuck out with her friends to buy lingerie, picking out a dramatic black set that was sure to have her boyfriend's ever roaming eyes admiring the contrast it made against her pale skin. Inuyasha had never seen her in just her underwear before, and that alone would probably be a big enough treat for him for a while.

"Ready?" Kagome's mother called from downstairs, almost as excited as her daughter was.

"Yeah!"

Carefully stepping down the stairs, she made her way into the family room. Inuyasha had wanted to come, but since her family did not approve of her dating or even having male friends, she was forced to meet him at the school. At least the Shrine she lived in was just across the street.

Her chipper mother, disapproving grandfather, and bored sister were all sitting on the couch, watching her awkward descent. She nearly turned around to go back up the stairs and grab her sneakers when she thought about all the stairs she'd have to descend once she left the house.

"Oh, Kagome, you look beautiful!" her mother crooned adoringly, her hands clasped. "Doesn't your baby sister look lovely, Kikyo?"

Kikyo rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Their mother's expression darkened. It was no secret that Kagome was her favorite and any lack of enthusiasm from any member of the family was seen as a direct attack on her.

"That attitude is exactly why you are not allowed to go to the dance, Kikyo. Now apologize to Kagome and take a picture of me with her."

Kikyo glared at her little sister and Kagome gulped, hoping the sound wasn't audible but suspecting it was. She had never done anything to encourage her mother's treatment of her sister. Well, maybe she had when she was a child and hadn't known any better, but those days were gone. Kagome felt bad that Kikyo was not given the same love and support she received on a daily basis, and the strain it put on their relationship grieved her. To an extent, she had always idolized Kikyo, admiring her intelligence, temperament, and beauty. In comparison, she felt like a peeled Mr. Potato Head. Whatever her mother saw in her was not apparent to her eyes and she doubted it ever would be. Still, she was secretly grateful that at least someone thought she was better than Kikyo. Outside the house was a different story. Well, at least Kikyo was a senior and had already been to her share of dances, probably envied even more than usual. That made her feel a little less guilty.

Her mother put an arm around her and smiled at her affectionately, her love shining in her eyes. How could someone with so much love not have enough to share? How could love from one person to another ruin what should have been a naturally caring relationship and turn her sister against her?

"Look at the camera," Kikyo said dully, not bothering with any cheesy lines to make them smile like Kagome would have.

Kagome beamed, hoping she didn't have that overenthusiastic nerd look that haunted each and every one of her school photos. She wanted so badly to be beautiful for just one night, for just one person.

"Thanks, Kikyo!" she said happily as she bypassed her sister, not wanting to look at the picture and have it ruin her mood.

"Have a good time at the dance, Kagome!" Her mother called as she unsteadily made her way to the door.

Kagome grinned back and waved, knowing her mother wanted to go with her, and would go as far as the bottom of the steps, so goodbyes were pointless at this time. She always wanted to go with her everywhere. She waved at Kikyo, too, but the older girl did not see, busy glaring bitterly at their mother's back. Her grandfather was sleeping on the sofa, something he did often but always in a funny way that made Kagome smile. This time, his mouth was hanging open and his snores sounded almost like words. She wished she had the camera so she could film it. If she asked Kikyo to do it, she'd immediately be scolded for being disrespectful.

"Love you guys! See ya!"

Her mother watched from the doorway, pride shining in her eyes as Kagome determinedly marched her way down the few house steps and across the courtyard to the grand set of stairs, dabbing a few tears away before she too began to descend the ancient stone steps. Kagome kept her gaze ahead. Inuyasha was leaning on the chain-link fence and she quickened her feet, her eyes locking with the dark ones of the boy she loved, the shy, goofy smile on his face migrating onto hers.

Nobody saw the car coming.


	2. That Was My Veil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Just have to say, this little story is not like my others, and by that I mean there is no extreme sexual content. Sure, there's sex (duh, it's me), but it's very normal sex. Some of you might be sighing in relief, but I don't know. The most viewed story of Shot Week was Good Boy *gasp!*. I didn't even reread it in order to correct it because it was just too out there. And to date, my most viewed one-shot has been The B Word, which I wrote as a joke since I felt somewhat annoyed at the requester's response to my calling school "a bitch". I didn't think anyone would be really into Kagome anally raping Inuyasha. You lot keep on surprising me.

**Two: That Was My Veil**

**(That Was My Veil by PJ Harvey)**

She was so hungry. And thirsty. Kagome didn't know whether she wanted a burger or a soda more. The mere thought increased the agony in her gut and throat. Even just water and a banana peel would be welcome. Well, maybe not the banana peel. Bananas were gross. Unless they were dipped in Nutella, with graham cracker crumbs sprinkled over them… Oh, Nutella. The food of the gods. She could almost see it in front of her, she just had to reach out and take it—

"Oh my god!" screamed a woman in a shrill, nasally voice, making Kagome's eyes snap open in shock. Who the heck was in her room?

A small Filipino woman was at the foot of her bed. Kagome's vision was blurred, but she recognized the accent. She tried to respond, but her throat was too dry.

"You were moving!" the woman in the bright pink scrubs cried. "I saw! Let me page the doctor."

Weakly, she tried to nod, but her neck was stiff. The little woman hurried out of the room, her back never once turning on her. Kagome could only move her eyes, and even that hurt. She deduced she was in a hospital, which was pretty obvious. The set-up was exactly like on TV, but the room smelled sick and was dirty-looking. It made her want to throw up. At least she had a private room. She didn't know what would have happened if someone was there to witness her weakness. She didn't like being weak. Before they had dated, Inuyasha had teased her about being a wimp, and it had been a sore spot ever since.

Which brought the question to mind: How did she get here? The last thing she remembered, she had been hobbling across the street, trying to get to school so she could pretend to dance with her boyfriend for ten minutes and then ride him in his jeep like a drunk wannabe Texan would a mechanical bull. Why wasn't she there now? What had gone wrong?

The woman had seemed like she was in an awfully big hurry to fetch a doctor, so Kagome became increasingly irritated when no one showed up for another thirty minutes. Weren't hospitals supposed to be quick and efficient? She couldn't even move, which was totally freaking her out, and she had just been abandoned and perhaps forgotten. If she could only say something, it wouldn't be so bad, but the only thing that came out of her mouth was a dry creepy breathing sound that immediately made her shut up and press her lips together, shocked by the noise that made her think of cursed revivified mummies. In addition to all that, she was hooked up to machines and tubes and that in itself was pretty scary. Was she dying? What looked like a bag of water and another bag of light brown creamy liquid that said "Nestlé" on it were hanging on the IV stand and had tubes that led to somewhere on her body. Was she being fed some sort of candy thing intravenously? What was going on?

Just when she was going to attempt to hurl herself out of bed to try and figure out whether or not this was a very strange dream, a tired-looking man with prematurely gray hair entered the room with a gaggle of nurses who were almost identical to the first one. They all had the same haircut, they were all Filipino, and they were all wearing garishly bright Disney character-themed scrubs.

Had she died and gone to hell?

"What is your name?" the doctor asked.

Kagome shook her head, trying to tell him that she could not speak.

"Amnesia," the man said, turning to the nurses. "It could be temporary, could be long-term."

She shook her head frantically again, not wanting them to make a mistake with her.

"Do you know what day it is?"

Kagome rolled her eyes.

"This is a standard mental evaluation," the doctor explained impatiently. "The sooner you cooperate, the sooner we can go home."

Angry now, she opened her mouth to curse at him a string of words she had learned from Inuyasha back in middle school. All that came out was that dry, whispery noise. The doctor's brows raised and he made a note on his clipboard.

"Get her some ice chips and check her out," the doctor muttered to the nurses without looking at them as he walked out the door.

Nodding as one, the nurses descended on her, and Kagome wished she could run.

**O\o/O**

The ice chips helped her throat, and once she was cleared for cough drops, she wolfed them down, the cherry flavor making her even more ravenous. The nurses thought it was a miracle that she was awake at all, and without any visible brain damage or discrepancies in her scans. They had revealed to her that they had been praying a weekly rosary for her, and that touched her so much that she cried. They were all nice people for the most part as soon as she got to know them. After a couple days, they carefully disconnected her from the feeding and water tubes, and she was allowed the bland hospital fare. The doctor was amazed and asked her permission to notify the public about what he termed her "stunning healing". Vehemently, she shook her head. She didn't want anyone to see her the way she was now.

The physical therapist had patiently taught her to walk again over the course of a grueling few weeks, and she could now stumble to the bathroom on her own without help, as long as she was extra careful. She had to sit down in the shower on a special chair, but that didn't matter as long as she was clean. What shook her up was the change in her appearance. She had always wanted to be thinner, but now her ribs could be seen clearly, and her arms and legs looked like sticks, even the muscle gone. It wasn't attractive, and after the first time she had looked in the mirror, she rushed back to her bed and cried. She didn't look like herself. She didn't even look human. At least they hadn't cut her hair too short while she had been sleeping. It had been oilier than ever and full of tangles when she had first washed it, but she made an effort and patiently took hours to fix it. It was the only nice feature she had now, so she made sure to keep it beautiful.

The nurses gave her some loose pajamas after a couple days, since she had been complaining non-stop in her deep, scratchy man voice that she hated the flimsy and revealing standard hospital gown. Her favorite nurse, the most helpful one, just happened to be the only non-Filipino, non-female nurse in the entire establishment. Nurse Hojo was the only one who understood her when she didn't want to speak, the only one who was patient with her when she wasn't being quite normal, the only one who treated her like she was still a person and not a miracle or an oddity. The other nurses giggled together and made plans for their wedding, which made Hojo blush. They teased him a lot about everything from his squeaky clean appearance to the squeak of his shoes on the floor, which stayed no matter how many new pairs he bought. It wasn't malicious on their part, but Kagome still felt sorry for him.

After a couple more weeks, the doctor came back to her room, the same clipboard attached to his hand. "Do you feel strong enough for a family visit, Kagome?" he asked with a wide smile. He had become kinder to her and gave her more time than the other patients since she had proved herself mentally and physically capable, obviously thinking her recovery was somehow due to his once a month two-minute visits.

She paled. Family? Kagome shook her head. She didn't want anyone who knew her to see her this way.

His smile faltered. "Er, well, they have already arrived."

Kagome glared at him and straightened her bed sheets as best she could, buttoning her pajama top up to her neck and fluffing out her hair so that it fell in waves down her shoulders and back attractively. Motioning for him to leave, she leaned against the pillows and tried to look deathly ill, which wasn't exactly difficult. She had wondered why her mother had never called or visited, but had been too afraid to ask why. Was she mad at her for being careless? Was she no longer her favorite? Secretly, she had been glad, wanting to hide. It was like a little vacation. She had never spent even a night away from her family, and even though she was injured and in a hospital, it was still kind of fun.

To her surprise, it was not her mother who walked in, but Kikyo. She looked the same, but different somehow.

"Did you change your hair?" Kagome croaked.

Kikyo looked directly at her, startled. "They said you couldn't talk."

"It hurts, but I do it anyway." She feigned being mute unless she was with Hojo, whom she had sworn to secrecy.

Sighing, her sister plopped down in the chair next to her bed. A man came in, knocking tentatively on the doorway, and then without bothering for an answer sat down next to her in the other chair that was identical to the first. His hair was long and dark and his eyes were an indeterminable color.

"Inuyasha?!" Kagome gasped in horror. Why did it have to be him? Anyone but him. She was so _ugly_ now! Part of her wished she could just hold a pillow in front of her face the entire time without anyone wondering why she was doing it or thinking it was odd.

He said nothing, his gaze on his feet.

"To answer your question, yes, I did change my hair," Kikyo drawled, trailing her fingers through the thick, straight mass. "I've changed it a lot over the past six years."

At first, Kagome just nodded. Then the words sank in. "Six _years_?!"

"Didn't they tell you?" her sister said, her eyes studying every new flaw of Kagome's and making her want to cry.

"I-I-I…" Kagome stuttered in a whisper, her hands beginning to shake.

Nobody had ever asked her any questions and she had been grateful. But they had also never answered any of hers, and at one point she had written dozens of them, mostly little things, but some of them definitely had to do with current events, which to them had happened nearly a decade ago. She had been more concerned with learning how to move her body and hide her new appearance than learning about her condition, anyway. Also, the television was broken and her requests for it to be repaired had always been mysteriously ignored.

"It was a hit and run."

"I'm…I'm…"

"You're twenty-one now. Congrats. I'd take you out drinking, but we have to wait until you've put on a few. Don't want you passing out from one shot."

Kagome began to cry softly, hiding her face in her hands. She hadn't noticed that she'd aged. Her body was too thin to show any physical developments and she was still short. Her face had been haggard and different, but she had assumed that was just from the stress of whatever had happened to her. Kikyo wasn't helping the situation. She didn't even seem like she wanted to be there.

"Where's Mom?" Kagome sobbed, the force of her sorrow making her body shake. "I need Mama."

"Gone." Kikyo's eyes looked haunted for a moment.

"Where?!" she nearly shrieked. What had she done to her mother that made her send Kikyo in her stead, knowing that they'd seldom ever gotten along?

"Grandpa died a few months after your accident. Natural causes. Mom went just last year. Not natural causes."

Her sobs were vocal and wild now. She barely registered Inuyasha whispering something to Kikyo.

"What do I do? Where do I go?" she said quietly, once she had calmed down. Oddly enough, the tears seemed to have helped her throat, and she sounded more like herself than she had since she had woken up.

"Well," her sister said, politely trying to ignore the fact that Kagome was about to have a breakdown, "we don't really have room at the moment, but I guess we could clear a space out over the next couple days. We sort of donated all your stuff. We never expected you to wake up," she said with a shrug. "I'm sorry, Kagome. This never seemed like a possibility. To tell the truth, I'm a little overwhelmed. I don't know what to do any more than you do."

That didn't even matter to Kagome. Something else had occurred to her. "Why are you two here together?" If it had really been six years, why was Inuyasha still around? He was twenty-two, he should be off at college somewhere, getting drunk, banging sluts, and not remembering her for an instant.

"We got married," Kikyo explained slowly and linked her hand with Inuyasha's, speaking like Kagome was stupid.

" _What_?" she said, gritting her teeth. Now she was angry. How dare Kikyo dump all this information on her at once! Kagome didn't know when or if a more appropriate moment would ever exist, but she certainly didn't need the entire thing now. And they were _married_? How could she have missed that Inuyasha was such a sleaze ball?

Kikyo cleared her throat, looking a little nervous. "To reiterate, Kagome, we never thought you were going to wake up. No one did. We were toying with the idea of pulling the feeding, it had just been so long and—"

"Get. Out."

"Excuse me?" Kikyo said, her brow furrowed.

"I never want to see you again," Kagome stated calmly, trying to keep her breathing normal, knowing if she gave in she'd hyperventilate and have a panic attack. Inuyasha was still staring at his feet, but she glared at him just because.

"It's not like you have anywhere else to go," Kikyo explained, her tone changing to her old "big sister in charge" one. "Come on, we're family. Don't be upset. I know it seems like just yesterday for you, but it's been a very long time for everybody else."

"Get the fuck out!" she growled. "You always were a complete bitch, Kikyo. Mama knew it, but I never realized. Until now."

Kikyo's face hardened. "Mother killed herself because of _you_ , not me, Kagome. I delayed coming here because I wasn't sure how to act around you. I wasn't sure how you'd respond to all the changes. But you know what? I don't care anymore. I have a good life and you're not going to ruin that like you always ruined everything before. So stay here and rot!" she finished in a scream, stomping out, her husband trailing behind her like an obedient dog. If Kagome's room had a door instead of just a curtain, she probably would have slammed it twice.

A part of Kagome was glad that she knew and wanted to call Kikyo back and apologize. But they were both new people now. Kikyo had Inuyasha, and if Kagome had to live with them, she didn't know what she'd do. She had thought of him every day, in pain because of how much she loved him, agonizing over what he'd think of her in her current state. She wasn't pretty anymore. She had scars, inside and out. They weren't terribly bad, though. The worst one was on her head, and the hair that had grown over it was a different texture, courser and slightly shorter than the rest. But the thin white lines on her the tops of her thighs and lower back mocked her each time she accidentally caught sight of one.

It was good that he was with Kikyo. Kikyo was beautiful. He deserved something beautiful.

Putting a hand to her face, she cried again, whimpering and whining in her throat. Her mother was gone. Her grandfather was gone. Inuyasha was lost to her. She had forced her sister away. What did she have? Nothing.

There was a tentative knock on the doorway and Kagome dried her eyes quickly. "Come in!" she said nasally, loudly sucking in her snot in a most disgusting, unladylike manner so she could breathe more or less comfortably.

"Miss Higurashi?" came the ever polite, tender voice of Hojo.

"Yes?"

He fully entered the room, a concerned look on his face. "Your voice sounds better."

"Yeah," she sighed.

"How'd the visit go?"

"Not so good."

Sensing she didn't want to talk about it, he said, "Do you want anything special for lunch? I can sneak out and grab you something, if you'd like. I know it's against the rules, but I think we can get away with it."

Smiling, she shook her head. "I'm not hungry, but thanks anyway."

He nodded. "Just to let you know, you're going to be discharged in a couple days. You're healing so well! It really is a miracle."

New tears felt like pinpricks behind her eyes. "Okay."

"I—" he started, sounding as unsure as he looked. "I know you're having a hard time and everything, of course, how could you not, but I just want to let you know that no matter what you might think, you're incredibly beautiful, inside and out. You are the light of this place."

His soft words touched something in her and she grabbed for him, hugging him to her and crying on his shoulder. If she closed her eyes, she could pretend he was her mother. Or Inuyasha. No, not him.

Not him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: *Cue rant made up of run-on sentences* My father was in a coma for six years, starting when I was 10 (which I guess is why I'm writing this, since therapy is for people who aren't poor college students), and I'm making the description significantly prettier than the reality would be. I don't want to get into bed wounds, infections, ignorant and downright evil nurses, doctors who never give a damn, the constant mucus, the disgusting trach opening, the fact that the nurses are extremely negligent and never wash their bedridden patients like they are required to or change their gloves in between patients (I have a funny/terrible story about that when my father's nurses gave him, a ton of patients, and us fucking scabies of all things and then did not inform anybody, denied wrongdoing, and even laughed about it), the ever-present smell of shit, the fact that they'd rather pull the teeth out with pliers than clean them (they actually did that to my dad), the trapped look in your loved one's eyes that lets you know that "brain dead" is a term invented just to let you feel better about ending a life that's important to you. People in comas aren't people anymore to the majority of the world, and that's something that will never cease to disgust me. The term "vegetable" itself dehumanizes them. Politicians and certain activists act like they know better than the people who experience the actuality of it. I've had people, mainly friends and family, tell me to my face that we should have let my father starve to death. Doctors who had never once actually examined my father yelled at my mother for allowing him to continue to live. I'm all about quality of life, and think it's okay to pull certain life-sustaining medicines or apparatuses and not allow resuscitation in case of death, but taking away food and water from someone who's already had everything else taken away? That is evil. That is murder. There was intelligence in my father's eyes right until the end, not at the level it used to be, but certainly above that of an animal's. He was just trapped inside his body, yet still he reacted to things we said and to pain. My dad did end up dying when I was 16, and we never once took away nourishment from him. *end rant*
> 
> Let's make this a soap opera coma, alright? So it's like she was just sleeping. Also, they don't keep comatose patients in hospitals. After two weeks, they ship 'em off to a nursing home/acute care center or something and they only go back to the hospital if they're dying or whatever. The only remotely realistic thing I'm putting in here is that all the nurses are Filipino. ALL. Also, this story was originally titled "Girlfriend in a Coma" after the song by The Smiths, but I felt like Fire and Rain by James Taylor fit it better somehow.


	3. Mr. Duplicity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: I have to say, reviews are very helpful. I'm telling you a story, and although I wish we could all be huddled around a campfire so I could see your reactions and we could discuss everything (or maybe not, considering the nature of the majority of my fics), that's not possible. I can't see what you're thinking and feeling, and I want to know what you think and how you feel on this journey we're taking. If you don't review, I assume you didn't like it, and if no one likes it, why should I bother?
> 
> In other news, I have a job now and I'm still going to school, so after this story is uploaded, it might be a while before I'm able to present new material, although I am working on several other stories right now and have many outlined completely.
> 
> I made Sango the super OOC comic relief here. Sango nevergets to be the comic relief and it's about time she had her turn. No, I don't consider spousal abuse to be humorous, and the whole "Sango beating Miroku into unconsciousness for minor acts of perversion" thing is as implausible as it is boring. Still, I might find a way to sneak it in anyhow, just for old times' sake.

**Three: Mr. Duplicity**

**(You Oughta Know by Alanis Morissette)**

 

"Kagome?! Oh, Christ!" Sango screamed, running as best she could in her towering wedge platforms, her many bangles jingling on her wrists as she advanced.

Kagome held her arms out and steeled herself, preparing for the collision. Sango had always been an extremely enthusiastic girl, and every time they had seen each other in the halls at school, the greeting was always the same, even if they had just spoken not ten minutes before.

At least one thing hadn't changed.

Sango covered her face in loud, smacking kisses, ignoring her friend's grimacing. Kagome was just happy the other girl hadn't cried. She had enough tears of her own, seeing other people with them was just hecka depressing. Did people even say hecka anymore?

"Never in a bazillion years did I think you'd call me," she gushed, pulling away and beaming at her old friend. "We hardly spoke after you started dating that dickhole Inuwhatsa."

"Sorry 'bout that," she muttered, not wanting to get into a big conversation about that time of her life.

"When I heard you got hurt, I was so freaking bummed for weeks," she said, the tears beginning to flow, her heavily mascaraed eyes leaking dark rivers onto her face. "I don't think I ever really got over it like, all the way, you know?"

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely. It was sometimes hard to remember that other people loved her and had missed her.

"But now you're back and we have _got_ to party!" she practically screamed, startling others in the waiting room.

Kagome loved Sango, but she was beginning to regret calling her. It was just that she'd had no other options. All her other friends had moved away or were unlisted, all but Sango. Her number was different, but it was her. She had first tried using social networking websites, but the ones she had frequented six years ago were long abandoned and she didn't know what everyone was doing now. For all she knew, they had chips implanted in their brains and all their browsing was done with the power of thought.

"I'm not really up for partying," she said quietly, trying to edge Sango out the door. Several people in the waiting room had just lost loved ones or were anxiously awaiting news, and it would be inappropriate to laugh and talk happily like the world was a wonderful place.

Sango narrowed her eyes at her, either from the suddenly bright sunlight or disdain. "Kagome, baby cakes, you have the best reason in the world to party. And so do I," she whispered before inhaling dramatically. "WE'RE ALIIIIIVE!" she sang like a female impersonator who also happened to be an aspiring opera singer.

Kagome couldn't help it and she laughed. Maybe Sango was just what she needed.

"Now what we need," the taller woman said, placing a finger to her chin, "is to make you an adult."

"But I am an adult."

"Yeah, but you look like a kid. Starting tonight, you will embark on a quest for adulthood. It's gonna be so fun! We don't have time to go shopping, so you can borrow an outfit of mine and stuff."

"I-I don't really feel like going out," she protested. She still looked like a Tim Burton character and any social event would just make her feel anxious.

Sango looked at her sharply, reading her friend's mind without consent the way she had always somehow managed to do. "Kagome, you're fuckin' gorgeous. Stop being all lame."

Kagome's mouth dropped open in indignation. "Excuse _you_ , I am not lame. Or gorgeous," she finished, muttering.

Her friend rolled her eyes and grabbed her hand, tugging her along through the humongous parking lot. "You've got this super dramatic cheekbones look!" Sango exclaimed. "I am so incredibly jealous. I can't even look at you right now. Ugh, it's just not fair. You were always the pretty one."

Kagome snorted. "Yeah, right. Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but I know what I look like."

They stopped in front of a beige Volkswagen Beetle convertible. The side of her mouth turned up. It was the same exact car from their high school days. Sango had gotten it a month before Kagome's accident.

"The top works now," Sango said smugly, running her hand over the dented exterior. "Hop in! We're going home."

It was kind of exciting, being an adult and all. No one to report to, nothing. Kagome didn't even want to think about her family, so she blocked it out of her mind. She was going to be roomies with Sango, it was going to be awesome and eventually they'd meet a pair of super gorgeous wealthy twin brothers and they were going to get married, just like they'd planned in middle school. Sango pulled up in front of a large apartment building, parking directly in front of it instead of the garage.

"Come on!" she urged, grinning in excitement.

Kagome followed the other girl to one of the bottom floor apartments, apprehension in every step.

"Make-over," Sango whispered to herself as she struggled to unlock her front door, "Can't wait to touch her hair. Oh my gosh, the red ones!"

The apartment was small and tidy and that was all Kagome had time to see before Sango dragged her to the bathroom, parking her right in front of the mirror. She flinched. She hadn't looked at herself since Kikyo had come to visit.

"You stay right here while I go and find the perfect man catching dress," Sango commanded.

"But I don't want to catch a man!"

Sango glared at her and she gulped. "We both want to catch men, Kagome," she said through clenched teeth. "And we need to do it while we're young and hot before the middle school kids of today grow up and become young and hot. Car-pee demon! Seize the dream! It's French."

Kagome rolled her eyes at the butchered Latin and dared to glance at her reflection. At least her hair was nice. Maybe, just maybe she could have fun tonight. As long as Sango didn't run off and ditch her the minute a guy started paying attention to her. She'd make sure to stay by the other girl's side regardless. The world had changed and left her behind. She'd need a good long while to acclimate. Sighing wearily, she hoped her reintroduction to society would go well.

"Got it!" screeched Sango, hurrying back to the tiny bathroom she had abandoned her friend in. "White dress, red pumps, gold jewelry. You're gonna look like a flippin' model who humps rock stars for fun on a boring Tuesday night."

She thrust the clothing at Kagome, who clutched at it anxiously, giving her friend a pointed look to tell her to leave. With a grunt, she shimmied out of her baggy hospital sweats, making sure to keep her eyes away from the mirror, and stepped into the dress. It was a little loose, but not terribly so, and the pleated length of skirt flowed nicely down to her knees. The only problem was in the bosom area. There was hardly any coverage. Just two triangles that thinned into strings that she'd tie behind her neck. Her heart beating like mad, she reminded herself that she was an adult and by the end of tonight she would learn how to act like one. With shaking hands and eyes shut tight, she removed her bra and tied the noose—er, halter—around her neck.

Kagome opened one eye, tentatively checking herself out in the mirror. What she saw made her gasp. The dress somehow made it look like she had actual breasts that were actually worth looking at! Turning this way and that, she examined herself. She didn't look half bad. Either she had changed a lot in the time she'd stopped looking at her reflection, or, more likely, the dress was magic. Whatever it was, she didn't care.

"Ugh, I knew you'd look incredibly sexalicious. Guys are gonna be cumming in their pants and I'm just gonna be there next to you looking like a goddamned ewok in comparison."

Kagome laughed at Sango's grumpy statement. "Can you do my make-up?" she asked earnestly. "I want mine to look like yours."

Sango's eyes lit up. "I'll do you one better and make yours look super nice. You don't want to cake it on like I do."

With delicate strokes of thin brushes, Sango painted Kagome's face to perfection. When her friend turned her around to face the mirror with a broad grin on her face, Kagome couldn't believe her eyes. She _did_ look like a model who humped rock stars for fun. And it was glorious. She couldn't remember ever feeling this exhilarated, this good about herself. Even if what lay under the magical dress was just a network of thin scars, what she looked like tonight made up for it.

"You kinda look a bit like Kikyo," Sango mused, completely ruining Kagome's mood.

"Please don't ever say that again."

"Why not?" Sango asked, oblivious. "Remember when we used to sneak into her room and try on her clothes and use her make-up and you would go on and on about how you were going to be just like her?"

"I'd rather not remember," she hissed.

"Hey," Sango said, her brown eyes now concerned. "What happened?"

Not crying because she didn't want to ruin her make-up, Kagome said, "She's married."

"And that bothers you?"

"To Inuyasha," she said floatily, trying to sound unaffected as she slipped into the red strappy heels.

"Ohhh," she said, nodding in understanding. Then her eyes flashed and her mouth turned down in a sneer. "What the _fuck_?! How in the hell did that happen?"

"I don't know and I don't want to know."

"Alright, Kagome," she sighed. "Ready to go?"

"Mmmhmm."

They left the little apartment, with Kagome wondering why Sango hadn't bothered to change and instead spent a long time dressing her up like some sort of doll. Reentering the tiny beige death trap, Sango drove at a furious pace to a part of the city that used to be strictly fast-food restaurants. The obvious change was interesting, but she still didn't like it. Had she been there to observe the changes, it might have been a different story.

"Come on," Sango said, pulling her bodily out of the car. "You're getting us to the front of the line."

There was no line and Kagome rolled her eyes. The place seemed pretty quiet, like it had yet to open. Inside was a different matter. Tons of people were grinding together in one swarming mass of humanity, their voices almost overpowering the "music". Kagome looked around with her mouth open. Why would anyone actually come here willingly? Sango was already dancing with a guy, her arms around his neck and her front completely plastered to his. Kagome wanted to drag her away and give her a lecture on personal space.

But she was an adult now. She might as well act like one.

Drifting over to the bar, she tried to jockey for a space, but had no luck. A legion of artificial blondes, both male and female, were hanging over the place, flirting with the bartender in futile attempts to get free or discounted drinks. Resigned to a night of thirstiness, she turned around and tried to look like she wasn't miserable. She wasn't sure if it was working.

"Hey!"

Kagome jumped in surprise and annoyance. Who the heck just sneaks up on a person and shouts in their ear like that?!

"Hojo?!" she yelled in disbelief.

"I knew it was you!" he shouted back, smiling broadly. "How's it going?"

She looked him up and down. The guy looked good out of his scrubs. Would he count as a man if she tried to catch him? Nodding to herself, she decided he would.

"Good! Just a little thirsty!" she trilled, fanning herself and rolling her eyes in exaggeration.

"Haha, I hear that. What's your poison?"

Poison? She knew she looked blank and tried to make up for her ignorance with an overload of confidence. "Uh, I'll have whatever you're having, handsome." She winced.

His smile widening, he shoved between two vulgarly tanned identical beings and shouted for something or other, Kagome wasn't paying attention. She had lost sight of Sango and was beginning to wonder if she should look for her or play the game with Hojo.

"Here!" he said, handing her a tiny glass.

She downed it without thinking, scanning the dance floor for her tall and loud friend without any luck. Shrugging, she placed the glass down on the bar. "Wanna dance?"

Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed his hand, pushing and shoving until they were in the thick of the dance floor, almost by the extremely androgynous DJ.

"I'm so happy you've recovered!" he said as he held her waist delicately like they were at prom.

"Me too!"

"So where are you staying now?"

"With a friend."

"That's good."

They lapsed into silence again and she discovered that she did not mind. Hojo was easy to be around.

"We went to school together, you know," he yelled suddenly.

"Really?" Kagome squinted at his face, trying to look beneath the years and place him.

"I was a senior when you had your accident. Same grade as your sister, I even had a couple classes with her. But you changed my life."

"How?" she asked, confused.

"You made me realize my own mortality. That forced me to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and I wanted to help people. And now here we are!" He smiled down at her affectionately.

Kagome knew her face was flushed. The way he was looking at her made her feel, well, she didn't exactly know if it was good or bad. She knew that he liked her, and she liked that he liked her. Mind made up, she rose to her tippy toes, her hand gripping his shoulder tightly right before she—

"What the fuck?!" roared a familiar voice, louder even than the music.

She found herself being yanked back from Hojo, and she whipped around to face the one who had prevented what would have been her first kiss in six years.

"Leave me alone, Inuyasha!" she shrieked, not caring that she sounded and probably looked crazy.

His voice was deeper, smoother, but it was still him. He would always be him and she would recognize him even if they were separated for fifty years. That was just her incredibly dumb luck.

"I recognize you from the hospital, you fucking pervert," Inuyasha said, ignoring her. By this time, a small crowd within the crowd had gathered around them and she was nervous. "Trying to take advantage of someone who's still mentally a teenager. You _fucker_. Did you touch her while she was comatose, too?!"

Kagome slapped Inuyasha as hard as she could. Hojo had been the only one to understand her in the hospital, the only one to treat her like a person. He was a kind, gentle human being and she would not let anyone insult him, especially not the man in front of her.

He stared at her in shock, the first time he had looked her in the eyes since she had woken up. Seizing the day, she gripped Hojo's face in her hands and brought him down for a kiss, hoping he wouldn't be mad that she was basically just using him to piss her ex-boyfriend off.

She was ripped away again and this time dragged harshly from the stunned-looking man she had just kissed. Inuyasha didn't stop until they were in his car, some fancy thing she didn't even know the name of. Kagome had wanted to kick and scream, but they had already caused a scene and besides, she was an adult now and she better act like one.

The stress caught up with her and she burst into tears, not even bothering to try and hold them back. Maybe they'd make him feel bad and then she'd win.

"Please don't cry," he said in a whisper. "Oh god, Kagome, please don't."

That only made her sob louder, and she thought about other things to make her cry harder, like her mother and grandfather. It worked and soon she was so loud she marveled at the volume. Just a few days ago she wouldn't have been able to manage something like that.

"Shhh," he said, drawing her into his arms. It felt nice, he was warm, he was familiar, so she let it happen. She hadn't had much physical human contact since she had woken up.

"Look at me," he said, and something in his voice made her stop crying and obey.

His eyes, that same strange color that seemed to be a mix of everything, were boring into her own gray ones, and the intensity made her shiver. What was happening? Inuyasha's thumb ran over her lower lip, lingering a bit, and then he kissed her, coming at her so fast she didn't have time to think let alone stop it.

Kagome slapped him again. Hurting him felt almost as nice as kissing him

"Ow!" he yelped, clutching the side of his face. "What was that for?"

"For cheating on me!" she said from between clenched teeth. "O-or on Kikyo. I don't even know anymore."

"We need to talk."

She moved to get out of the car and he grabbed her wrist, squeezing hard to let her know that he would just follow her again.

"Proceed," she muttered, slumping over in defeat.

Inuyasha stayed silent for a long while, and just when she was about to yell at him to hurry up, he spoke.

"When you were hit by that car, I couldn't even fucking believe it," he said in a hoarse, quiet voice. "Even though I saw it, I just couldn't believe it. Not you."

He stopped again and she rolled her eyes.

"They wouldn't let me see you in the hospital. Only immediate family. I thought I was going to die if I couldn't see you; I couldn't even sleep, I just kept seeing the car hitting you and you flying through the air and landing on your head. Oh, _fuck_. But Kikyo snuck me in. The first time, you looked so bad that I thought you were going to die before the week was out."

"Thanks so much," she muttered.

Inuyasha ignored her. "Kikyo snuck me in to see you every day. You were—so different. So changed. It tore me apart. Even Kikyo looked more like you than you did at that point. And eventually there came a time when I went to see your sister instead of you."

Kagome glared at him, feeling her nostrils flare. She couldn't believe that he was actually telling her this. That kind of blunt honesty was still too hurtful, just like Kikyo's had been.

"She and I got physical really fast. I—" He paused and wet his dry lips, a movement she followed with her eyes without knowing why. "I wanted to pretend. To pretend like you were with me and not in that hospital. I couldn't do that with just talking to her because the two of you are so different, but your bodies… Well, you guys look a lot alike."

"I'm leaving," she rasped, turning to go.

"Don't!" he pleaded, looking at her again. "Just listen. Even when I was pretending with her, I knew it would have been better with you. The first time, I even said your name. She let me." He smiled sadly. "I cried for an entire hour afterward, and she just held me without saying anything."

"Great. Wonderful. You have an awesome sex life, I know, I don't need you to tell me about it."

"The first time," he said, talking over her, "after that first time, I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to be with you, but you weren't dead and you weren't alive. So what could I do to be with you? Nothing. There was nothing. I just exist now." Taking a deep breath, he forced her face to turn towards his and cradled her head in his hands gently, the gentlest he'd ever been with her. "I love Kikyo, but I can never love her the way I love you."

His use of the present-tense made her choke on a gasp.

"And when they called, and the nurse was all out of breath and frantic and told us to come to the hospital," he continued, "I thought that everything was over. That you were dead. And I swore that I'd finally do it. After the funeral, I'd jump off a fucking building or something and we could be together again, finally. But you were alive. And awake. I was so… I don't even know what to call it. Grateful? Awed? And when we finally went to go see you, I couldn't even speak, couldn't even look at you no matter how much I wanted to. You were just the same, but you weren't. And I realized that I'd changed. I haven't been happy, I've been so fucking miserable and angry all the time. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. If I had known, I would have waited for you."

Inuyasha's eyes were shining as bright as hers and she sighed.

"I know, Inuyasha. I know."

"Do you still love me?" he asked so hopefully that her heart almost broke.

"I don't know."

He lowered his face into his hands and his shoulders shook lightly. Kagome knew that he was probably crying. He had done the same thing when his father died in middle school, and she had brazenly comforted him with a kiss on the cheek, which was the move that began their relationship. Now, nearly eight years after that first kiss, she did the same thing for the same reason. It was the only thing she could do to bring him comfort.

Inuyasha looked up at her, and she knew he was remembering the same thing she was. Quickly, he kissed her on the lips again, more passionately and skillfully than he ever had before. It occurred to her that he had grown up, and that Kikyo had taken that journey with him, had taught him how to kiss that way.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered against her damp, trembling lips. "Still so beautiful."

Kagome couldn't do anything but produce a confused moan. He was kissing her the way she'd dreamed he would all those years ago, the way girls in movies got kissed in the rain or in airports.

"Oh god, Kagome, I want you," he groaned, picking up on her mood. "I haven't even touched Kikyo since you woke up."

Her eyes opening wide, she shoved him away. "Take me to Sango's. I'll give you the directions."

"Come back to the shrine!" he begged, confused at her behavior. "Me and Kikyo live there now. I know she said that we donated all your stuff, but I actually took it and put it in storage. I wasn't ready to let go."

She glared at him with all the wrath she had in her, which was a considerable amount. "I can't believe how much you've changed. You're a terrible person, Inuyasha."

He just stared at her blankly.

"Ugh!" she exclaimed in exasperation. "Whatever. Why are you living at the shrine anyway? Weren't you always bragging that your family was like super mega rich?"

"When your mom died," he said, not noticing her flinch, "the shrine was heavily in debt. I bought it, and Kikyo and I moved from our place across the city."

"Oh," she said dully, staring at her hands. "When did the two of you get married?"

"I was nineteen, she was twenty-one. We had our three-year wedding anniversary just a couple months ago."

She grunted in response, angry at herself for even asking.

"You know, I stayed with you the entire night before the wedding."

"Weren't you just accusing Hojo of doing something like that?"

"It wasn't like that!" he shouted. "I just slept next to you. I paid the nurses to let me stay past visiting hours."

Kagome said nothing.

"Can…" he started, his voice slightly shaky, "Do you think we can pick up where we left off?

"You're unbelievable!" she cried. "You're married to my sister. Accept it."

"What if I wasn't?" Inuyasha said stubbornly, more like a retort than a question.

Kagome snorted. "You're going to divorce your wife just so you can take her brain-damaged sister out on a date?"

"I know you're not brain-damaged. And yeah."

Kagome sighed, wishing she had insisted on not going out. "You don't even know me anymore, Inuyasha, and I definitely don't know you."

He began to drive, knowing the direction of Sango's apartment without even asking her. She wondered how long he had been spying on her before the incident at the club. Great, her ex was married to her sister and he was psycho, too. The rest of the ride was silent, with him glancing at her every time traffic allowed and even when it didn't and her determinedly ignoring him.

Before the car rolled to a stop, she was out, practically jogging to Sango's door. It opened just as her fist rose to knock, and Sango appeared, wide-eyed and in pajamas.

"Oh my god, she just came back! Yes. Thank you. Sorry. Thank you. Yes. Good bye." She hung up the phone and flung it aside, holding her arms out and beckoning the girl inside. "Oh hell, Kagome, I called the police and everything. You just disappeared on me! How did you—"

Her gaze switched from Kagome's face to something behind her, and she shoved Kagome further into the apartment. She turned around just in time to see a livid Sango straight up punch Inuyasha in the neck.

"You fucker!" she screeched, her arm getting ready for another blow. "I remember you. I'm never going to forgive you for what you did to my best friend, you goddamn bag of ass!"

Kagome tugged Sango back inside by her ponytail, slamming the door behind her before someone could connect the disturbance to them and call the police.

"Why'd you stop me from killing him?!" her friend questioned, still worked up. "And what the heck happened?"

"I just want to go to sleep," Kagome said, dragging herself into the small room that Sango had set up for her. Without even taking off the dress, she lowered herself onto the air mattress and cried herself to sleep as quietly as she could, even though it made her throat hurt and made her feel even sorrier for herself, grateful when Sango just tiptoed to bed without checking on her.


	4. Growing Up in a Hurry

**Four: Growing Up in a Hurry**

**(Magic Man by Heart)**

"Eggs or, um, nothing?" Sango asked, looking through her fridge.

"Nothing," Kagome muttered, slinking onto the chair and burying her head in her arms, still depressed from the night before.

Sango snapped up straight at her friend's tone. "Hey!" she said with faux anger. "The only Kagome that I want to see is a chipper Kagome. A chipper Kagome who eats eggs and doesn't care about stupid old whatshisface." When Kagome didn't even budge, Sango sighed. "At least let me kick his ass if you're going to act all mopey."

"I just want to act like I never met him again," she droned.

"That's the spirit!" Silence filled the room and Sango began to fidget nervously. "Let's go shopping!" she blurted.

That got Kagome to look up. She did need new clothes, after all. "I thought you couldn't take off work again?"

"Pfft. Fuck my boss, dude. One of these days I'm going to find a man who will pay me to stay home and do nothing."

Kagome nodded, wondering how someone with so much energy could actually want to be a housewife as badly as her friend did. To each their own, however. Isn't that what feminism was all about? Options?

"Will you help show me what's trendy?"

A wide grin split her friend's face and Kagome wondered if she had awakened a monster within her.

"Oh, you are going to be the trendiest girl on the block. I finally have my own life-sized Barbie! Woohoo!"

Kagome couldn't help but laugh.

"Here, wear this," Sango said, shoving clothing at her. When she had grabbed it and from where, Kagome didn't know.

Shrugging, she turned around, loosening her robe and tugging on the loose shirt. She had no shame in front of Sango. They had been forced to change in front of each other often enough in middle school when they had the same period for gym. To her dismay, the top was cropped. Cute, but it revealed more stomach than she was willing to show, even though it was only about an inch. Grumbling, she pulled on the pair of red jean shorts, wedging them on and feeling like a sausage version of Mickey Mouse.

"Damn it, Sango, I look ridiculous!"

"Don't take it off! You look so pretty!" Sango squealed, her hands clasped together as she drew out the last syllable in a high-pitched voice. "My own little doll. If you even try and change, I will seriously shank you. Here, you can borrow my sandals."

Sango's feet were a whole size and a half bigger than hers, but the black sandals fit well enough, even though they did make a weird, almost silent squelching noise when she walked.

"Can we just go?! I look like ghetto trash."

"Fine! I'll just go in sweats. Hot guys don't go to malls anyway unless they're taken or gay or both."

**O\o/O**

Even the mall had changed. The fashions weren't drastically different, but she did notice girls displaying much more skin and at much younger ages than before. It disturbed her, and she kept her eyes on her feet, not wanting to hurt someone's feelings by staring at them in distaste. Sango had always been one to stop in every store, and they had been there for an hour and a half before Kagome decided that the day would be more productive for her if she wandered off. She had not been separated from her friend for more than fifteen minutes when she was bending over, looking at a shoe display through a store window, and heard a loud gasp behind her.

" _Wow_ ," came the awed, hushed voice. "That's the most—I mean—you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!"

Confused, Kagome turned around. Was that man talking to _her_? Standing a few feet away, with his hands in his pockets, heedless of the mall traffic, was a man at most five years older than she was, with black hair pulled back in a short ponytail that somehow managed not to be immediately off-putting. His eyes were an interesting shade of blue, so she decided to smile back.

"Gosh, um, thanks."

"And what is your name, goddess before me?"

She laughed. "Kagome. Yours?"

"Miroku," he said eagerly, seemingly surprised she had actually answered him. "Miroku Houshi. I was just about to head to lunch. Would you care to join me?"

She didn't know what to do. Sango had told her she needed life experience, and Kagome agreed, but were a few points of life experience worth traipsing off with some random man she had only just met? Thinking of last night's incident, Inuyasha's claim that she was still mentally a teenager, made her angry, and she decided that free food and maybe an interesting story to laugh about with Sango later were reasons more than sufficient enough to go on a lunch date.

"Alrighty!" she said, smiling at him like a debuting actress at a camera.

"Woah. Okay. Um, alright," he muttered to himself, before quickly recovering his confidence. "Right this way, Miss Kagome!"

He held out his elbow and she took it, a smirk on her face. He was more nervous than she could ever be, and if that wasn't an ego booster, she didn't know what was.

Miroku led her to the food court and straight up to Sbarro, oblivious to her confused gaze. She had thought he'd at least take her to one of the cheap actual restaurants in the mall, like El Torito or something, but a freaking pizza joint? She rolled her eyes.

"Hey, uh, I actually have a coupon," he said loudly, waving the piece of paper at the already occupied cashier. "Two pizza slices for the price of one."

Once she had finished with her current customer, the cashier put her game face on and walked over to the couple. "Sir, we stopped this promotion five months ago," she told him politely after having visually scanned the small, crumpled rectangle.

"But I can finally use it!" he whined. "Do you have any current specials?"

She nodded, her ponytail bouncing along. "Yes, we do. Any pasta comes with a free side of breadsticks."

"We'll take that," he said, motioning Kagome over to the end of the line, making it clear that they would be sharing. "Just plain spaghetti, please. And can I have two water cups?"

Kagome grimaced at how stingy the man was, blushing in embarrassment. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't have such a loud voice that notified people even all the way across the food court of his thriftiness. It was like he was proud or something. Snatching the tray and water cups from the possibly suicidal cashier, he slid their tray of sub-par food onto the closest table and walked over to the soda machine, unabashedly filling the small plastic cup up with Dr. Pepper.

She sat down without getting a drink, knowing without a doubt that she had just made a huge mistake. Miroku dug into the lukewarm spaghetti without even offering her any, not that she would have accepted it.

"So, what do you do?" he asked, a splatter of red tomato sauce on his cheek.

"Uh, I'm a student," she said, trying to avoid looking at the stain.

"College, eh? Those were the days." He sipped loudly from his soda. "I sell cars. Used cars. Been pulling in the big bucks ever since I made Executive Assistant Supervisor of Lower Sales last month," he bragged, audibly swallowing a small belch. "I'm making enough to start a family now."

Kagome laughed uneasily, her eyes darting around, looking for help, an excuse, an escape. "Congratulations…"

His hands shot across the table and gripped her own which had been folded on top of a set of napkins. She let out a small squeak of surprise.

"I know we don't know each other very well," he said steadily, his eyes gazing deep into her own. "But I've got a feel for you, Kagome. It's gonna take a special, high quality woman to tame this mustang, and I can tell you're the type. So, what do you say? Will you be the mother of my children?"

"U-uh, I, well, I-I-I," she stuttered, now convinced an absolute psycho knew her name and was touching her.

Suddenly, her chair was yanked back, and she would have fallen to the floor had the person holding her seat not been so strong.

"Fuck off, you goddamn loser," Inuyasha hissed, his dark eyes glinting with rage. "Leave or I'll rip your fucking balls off!"

Kagome stumbled out of her chair and stood beside him, grateful but not wanting to be in his presence any more than she wanted to continue the date from hell.

"Thanks, Inuyasha, but I've got this." Turning back to Miroku, she lowered her voice the slightest bit and said, "Well, I'm glad to see the hormone shots are working. Still gotta get rid of General Thruster and the Bojangles, but as long as you don't mind adopting…"

Miroku looked confused, and then horrified. Abruptly, he flipped over the round table and ran out of the mall, his patent leather shoes squeaking loudly all the way.

Inuyasha laughed and Kagome smiled slightly at him.

"You remember our first date?" he said quietly, reaching out to touch her hand.

She had been thirteen and he was fourteen, both of them in eighth grade. It was a week after his father had died, a week after she had made the first move and kissed him on the cheek. He had walked the few blocks over to her house in secret, and she had told her mother that she was going to the library. More nervous than she could ever remember being, she had tentatively taken his hand a few minutes into their walk. She didn't know where they were going, and she didn't care. She had had a crush on Inuyasha for two years and hadn't ever believed they'd get to this point.

"So, uh, you like movies?" he asked.

She laughed and nodded. "Doesn't everyone?"

"You know what I mean." There was a scowl on his face, but he was sweating and kept staring at her. "How's your sister?"

Kagome frowned. Inuyasha had originally only become her friend because he thought Kikyo was pretty. They had attended the same school and been in the same grade all throughout elementary school but had never interacted, and then the one day Kikyo had deigned to walk with her to their junior high when she was in sixth grade, he had decided to talk to her. She had known his reasons and ignored him at first, but now that she noticed him, she couldn't not think about him. All the time. So they started hanging out together, and eventually he stopped coming over only when Kikyo was home and they became real friends. Kagome was still insecure, however.

"She's okay," she grunted, wanting to make it obvious that she wanted tonight to be about them.

Inuyasha squeezed her hand and she glanced up at him to see him smiling down at her. Their height difference hadn't been so vast back then.

"Sorry. Habit, I guess."

She squeezed back, telling him without words that it was okay.

The movie was some comedy that she probably would have enjoyed had she not been so nervous. Would he put his arm around her, like they did on TV? Would he try to—gasp—kiss her? She hoped so. She had brushed her teeth five times in preparation.

Inuyasha ended up doing nothing, his hands clenching the arm rests and staying stiff as a board. All in all, it was disappointing.

Then came dinner. He too had taken her for pizza, but she had been so excited that he'd paid for everything like a real man would that she didn't even care it wasn't fancy. It was good, they were finally talking like normal, and her heart wasn't beating like crazy anymore.

Inuyasha paid for ice cream, which they ate on the walk home. She made him trade her after discovering that butterscotch certainly sounded nice but was not to her tastes. He grumblingly switched and handed her his rocky road cone, which she munched on happily, exaggerating her delight and making him glare at her. She could tell he didn't mind, and she wouldn't have done it if it would have seriously bothered him. She knew what the limits were, and they were few.

"Thanks. For everything," she said once they had gotten within two houses from her own home. Kagome desperately tried not to sound disappointed. It had still been a date, after all, her first one. Her and Inuyasha. Not Kikyo.

"Yeah," he said, his voice cracking the way it sometimes did when he was nervous. "I, uh…"

Through with restraint, Kagome tossed the cone aside and threw her arms around his neck, her lips aiming for his and missing by the slightest bit, which she quickly rectified. He tasted like chocolate and butterscotch, same as her, and she suddenly realized that if she was tasting the inside of his mouth then she was _inside his mouth_. Her tongue withdrew back to where it had come from and she pulled away with wide eyes, cheeks on fire.

Inuyasha's eyes were still closed and his lips still slightly parted. Dazed, he opened his eyes. "Why'd you stop?"

"I-I, uh—" she whispered. What had she done?!

The tips of his fingers brushed her brow bone and she locked eyes with him. "You're so pretty, even when you blush," he whispered back.

It seemed like they were magnets, and they couldn't stop themselves from kissing again. They didn't touch tongues that time, but it was soft and sweet and her heart swelled up in her chest and she felt like crying. They pulled apart to breathe and just stared at each other.

"I love you!" she blurted, her voice sounding thick.

"I love you, too," he smiled.

"You don't mind?" she questioned anxiously.

Inuyasha laughed and pecked her on the lips again. "Fuck no. Say it again. Say it all the time."

She laughed and it sounded so real, so guttural that it made her laugh some more. "I LOVE INUYASHA!" she shouted at the top of her lungs.

He covered his ears, still grinning widely. "Maybe not that loud."

Shaking her head, Kagome forced herself back to the present and tugged her hand away from her ex-boyfriend's.

"Yup. This date was almost as bad."

His face fell and she almost felt guilty, then remembered that he was married to her sister and still thought it was okay to stalk his ex. Mustering up all the disgust she could, she turned and stomped away, trying to remember where she had last left Sango.

"Can we still be friends?" he asked, catching up with her.

Friends? She stopped in her tracks. Truly, he was the best friend she had ever had. And she needed friends now. Plus, he was her brother-in-law. Kagome wanted to reconcile with Kikyo, and if she made up with Inuyasha, it would be much less awkward.

"Fine," she said shortly. "But no funny stuff. I'm here with Sango right now, so I've got to find her."

"Can I come?"

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Inuyasha grinned and she looked away. His smile was just the same as it had been before, boyishly mischievous and so nice it twisted her insides in a delicious way.

"I saw Sango wandering around Victoria's Secret before I found you," he said helpfully.

"That's where I left her," Kagome said with a glare. How long had he been following her? Did he even go home last night? "Where's Kikyo, anyway?"

"Home."

"Doesn't she have work?" She wanted to ask about him, but forced herself to stay quiet.

Inuyasha snorted. "No."

Knowing he didn't want to talk about it, she kept walking, finding Sango still in Victoria's Secret, apparently not having noticed her friend had even left.

"You!" she hissed when she saw Inuyasha. "You bastard! You totally cockblocked Kagome!"

"Sango!" Kagome cried, embarrassed that everyone was watching. Maybe telling her about last night during the ride to the mall had been a mistake.

"Excuse me for saving her from being date raped," Inuyasha said sarcastically. "That jerkwad was probably just going to liquor her up and take her out in the parking lot."

"Inuyasha!" she cried in the same tone.

"You owe Kagome now," Sango said with a glare. "At least a new set of lingerie."

" _Sango_!"

"Deal," he smirked.

" _Inuyasha_!"

"I am totally the best friend ever," Sango said, smiling at Kagome. "I scored you free clothes. You can thank me when you've had time to process it."

"Come on and pick something out, Kagome."

Realizing that she did, in fact, need new things and that she was broke and Sango was broke and that Inuyasha did kind of owe her for everything, Kagome sighed and trudged toward the back, looking for something serviceable as well as pretty.

"I want to see you in this," Inuyasha breathed into her ear.

Kagome pushed him away and looked at what he was holding. A completely transparent red mesh panty and bra set. She slapped it out of his hands and onto the floor, too annoyed to feel bad about her lack of respect for the store and its merchandise.

"I thought I said no funny business," she hissed, glancing to look at Sango who was digging through the bargain bin.

He shrugged. "Just trying to be helpful."

She ran her hand over a simple white set, admiring the texture. It was a bit expensive, but hey, it wasn't like she was paying.

"Do you need to be measured?" Inuyasha asked from behind her, his hands sliding up her waist and creeping toward her breasts.

Kagome elbowed him in the gut and pranced off toward the fitting rooms, stopping only to glare at him over her shoulder. Inuyasha just smiled, a hand on his stomach.

It wasn't right that she didn't hate him, she thought as she entered the cramped little fitting room. It wasn't right that he still made her feel like a giddy eighth-grader. It just wasn't right.

The bra fit well. She had gained weight during her rehabilitation time at the hospital and was now a whole two cup sizes bigger than she had been before the accident. When she had first discovered that detail, she had nearly shouted aloud for joy. Her breasts had always been small and she had developed later than most. Now they were her perfect dream size. That was enough to make all the suffering worth it. The underwear set was plain but emphasized everything nicely. She admired herself for a few seconds before deciding it would do.

"I know I never told you enough, but you're beautiful."

Kagome swallowed a scream and covered herself with her discarded clothes. Inuyasha was peering down at her from above, standing on the bench of the fitting room next to hers with the oddest smile on his face.

"Get out before I call for someone," she stage whispered.

Instead, he lifted himself and swung over the wall, like he was freaking Douglas Fairbanks in his prime. He landed soundlessly next to her.

"I always loved to watch you," he said, sounding far away. "I used to just go to your house at night and stare through your window. Even before we were together."

They were so close. Too close. Kagome's breathing sped up and so did his.

"Why?"

"You thought you loved me first, but that's not true. I loved you before I even knew it, and I knew it before you did," was all he said before he took her lips in a fierce kiss.

Her knees went weak almost immediately, but his strong arms held her to him. There was so much feeling, emotion, intensity in him that he transferred to her. Kagome heard herself making small sounds she had never made before, not even that time in the park in ninth grade when she had let him touch her underneath her clothes but not look, and she could have sworn she almost had an orgasm then.

"Please let me love you," he begged, torture in his voice. "Don't make me go back to being your friend."

"I—" she breathed, feeling like she was floating. "I… God, Inuyasha, if you ever really loved me, you wouldn't have married her!" she said, her anger coming back to support her.

"I didn't want to!" he hissed, shaking her by the upper arms, where he held her. "I was young and she told me that if I married her I would have a say in your care. You were still on life support back then and they were going to take you off!"

"But Mother—"

"Your mother went completely fucking nuts the moment that car touched you," he explained angrily. "As the adult, she was technically in charge, but she left everything up to Kikyo, and she thought it was cruel to keep you alive."

She began to cry. Did her own sister really hate her so much?

"She could have had anyone," Kagome sobbed. "Everyone loved her. Why did she have to take you?"

Inuyasha said nothing and just clasped her to him, his chin resting on the top of her head.

"If I had known…" he whispered. "Everything would have been so different."

Drying her eyes and forcing herself not to give in to weakness again, Kagome pushed lightly away from him, not wanting to come off as hostile but not wanting to be welcoming either.

"How do you even know you love me anymore, huh? What if you're just tired of being married?" she said spitefully.

"I _like_ being married," he said with venom, obviously offended. "I like having someone to go places with, to do things with, to sleep next to. Someone to share my life with. And I like Kikyo," he said, looking away from her. "I love her. But she's not you. We don't fit together."

Her heart felt like it was going to drop to the floor. Inuyasha had told her last night that he loved Kikyo, but it hadn't hit her like this. She was still angry then. Now she was just sad.

"Would you leave her? Would you leave her for me?"

The look on his face was both excited and hesitant. "I want to let her down easy, Kagome. It would be too much right now, I think, but eventually—"

"Then you don't love me," she stated simply.

"I do! More than anything!"

His eyes pleaded with her to understand, and she wanted him, all of him, his very soul so much in that moment that she was almost willing to ignore the circumstances and location and do what she had been about to do the night of her accident.

"I waited for you," he whispered, sensing her conflicting emotions. Running a hand through her hair, he continued, "So can you please wait for me? Just a fraction of the time I spent?"

Kagome pulled away and leaned back against the wall. "But you didn't really wait. And I'm done with the past." She looked back up at him and forced herself to maintain eye contact. "I want to be happy. I need to be happy. Now turn around."

Silently, he obeyed, and she changed back into her old outfit, saying as she did so, "I like that you love Kikyo, Inuyasha. In a way, I really do. It makes me love you more, to know that you're capable of loving someone enough to marry them and you're considerate enough to 'let her down easy'. But leaving her for me right off the bat, without even bothering to think it over or get to know me again, takes away from my respect for you. And you can't be in love with someone you don't respect."

"I understand."

"No, you don't!" she said sharply, facing him again, and he turned around. "Kikyo's the only family that I have left. I want to make up with her and I want us to be like real sisters, no petty arguments, no deep resentment. How can I do that if her husband's all over me every chance he gets?"

"She's changed," he responded, taking one of her hands in one of his. "She used to not be so bad. You don't know her like I know her now. She—she's suffered a lot. And now she's bitter. I thought I could make it better, but I can't. I don't think anyone can fix her but her."

"I don't care."

"But I do! Listen to me, she doesn't _like_ you, Kagome!" he burst out. "She didn't even visit you in the hospital. She feels the same way you do about the past, but she doesn't want to make things better in the present. All she cares about is shopping and book clubs and goddamn fucking stupid origami!"

Kagome just stared at him. "So you're bored? That's it. You're just bored. And I'm all exciting because I'm practically a time traveler, wandering around aimlessly from the far off era of six years ago."

"No!" he cried, vehemently shaking his head from side to side. "Not at all. Look, I meant everything I said. I love you and I'm going to leave Kikyo to be with you. Someday. Someday soon. And even if you don't take me back right away, I'll keep trying to win you over. You're all I want."

Sighing wearily, she left the fitting room. "Come on," she called over her shoulder. "You've gotta pay for this."

**O\o/O**

"Can I take you to lunch?" Inuyasha asked, somewhat out of breath, weighed down under bags and bags of clothes.

"Sure!" Sango chirped happily. Inuyasha had bought her a few things as well, and now she didn't remember she had ever disliked him.

Sango insisted that Kagome ride with Inuyasha since her car couldn't fit all the bags. Kagome glared at her friend, knowing that was all bull shit. She had just lost her one ally, her only support. Now what was going to stop her from just going along with whatever he said?

"So, what are you hungry for?" When she didn't answer, he continued, "I was going to take you to that little stand we went to on our first date, you remember Ray's, but you already had pizza today."

"Whatever's fine with me," she mumbled.

"You really liked that steak place," he said as he started the car. "Too bad they shut down a couple years back. I was going to take you there after the dance, you know."

"We never would have made the reservations," she said quietly. "I was planning on having sex with you in your car after spending like ten minutes seeing and being seen."

"Really?!" he nearly shouted, looking away from the road and at her, which made her greatly uncomfortable. "Are you fucking serious? Please be serious."

"I don't see why it matters now. Just felt like telling you."

"That means everything," he said softly. "After all those times you told me to stop, I kind of almost thought you weren't attracted to me."

Kagome snorted. "Oh please, you know I was. I instigated make-out sessions half the time. It took you forever to man up and touch me first."

Inuyasha grinned. "But once I did, I was all over you," he laughed.

"At least that hasn't changed." Quickly, she covered her mouth, eyes going wide at her slip.

He pulled into a parking space near the front of some bustling Mexican restaurant.

"You like it when I touch you," he said with satisfaction. "I knew it. You always went crazy whenever I just touched your hand, or your arm, or your knee. I'm surprised you held out for so long."

Kagome left the car with a huff, nearly sprinting into the crowded, amazing-smelling establishment, Inuyasha's laugh following her all the way.

**O\o/O**

When all three of them were finally seated at the table, with Inuyasha next to her despite her protests, the talk immediately turned to her, which was as unsurprising as it was unwelcome.

"What do you want to do now that you're better, Kagome?" Sango asked, sipping her margarita.

She shrugged. "Go get my GED, I guess. Start taking some classes at a community college. Get a job. Normal stuff."

Inuyasha snorted. "No fucking way," he said, sounding almost angry. "You're still recovering, Kagome. Just relax. I'll take care of everything."

His hand stroked her bare thigh as he spoke and she found herself getting goose bumps and shivering even in the warm building.

"You were just complaining about Kikyo not having a job," she pointed out.

"That's different. You're fragile, and you shouldn't do anything yet."

Kagome stomped on his foot under the table, satisfied when she heard his muffled sound of pain.

"I'm just a delicate little porcelain rose," she crooned in a high-pitched little girl voice, for some reason including an exaggerated British accent, rolling her r's and dragging out the vowels, annunciating each word. "I mustn't go outside! No, for that would sully my ivory complexion." She placed a cloth napkin on her head and clasped her hands near her chin. "A lady stays indoors and on her knees in her husband's bedchamber, yes she does, unless it's the maid's turn."

Sango giggled quietly and Inuyasha glared at her.

"I just don't want you getting hurt, Kagome. I'm not being sexist or some shit like that. Is it so wrong that I like having you safe?"

"I've spent the last six years of my life in the same room," she said, sliding the napkin off her head and into her lap, suddenly serious. "I want to go out there and do things, not hide."

The touch on her leg turned soothing instead of sexual, but was quickly back to its old tricks, edging higher and toying with the hem of her shorts. She rolled her eyes and shifted her position.

"What would you like to order, amigos?" asked the dead-eyed Asian waitress in a fake Mexican accent, complete with borderline racist Mexican folk dress.

"She and I will have two Queso Loco Moco platters," Inuyasha said, gesturing to himself and Kagome.

"And I'll have the, erm, Cammyroons a la Diana," Sango said.

"Two Queso Loco Moco platters and the Camarones a la Diabla," muttered the waitress.

"You can't order for me!" Kagome protested in indignation.

"But you'll like it!" he said. "Trust me, I get it here all the time."

"I'll have the enchiladas suizas," Kagome said to the server.

"Alright. Gracias, amigos," she mumbled as she collected their menus.

Inuyasha withdrew his hand from her leg and crossed his arms. "You'd like the nachos. The enchiladas here are gross."

"How can enchiladas suizas be gross? They're just tortillas with green sauce and cheese," she scoffed. "How badly can someone goof that up?"

Inuyasha snorted, and eventually his hand migrated back to her leg, which calmed her for some reason. At least he wasn't actually mad.

"I've never been here before!" Sango said, waving at a different waitress for another margarita.

"I come here a lot after work," Inuyasha said, the tips of his fingers inching under one leg of Kagome's shorts.

"You work?" Kagome asked. She didn't know why she was surprised.

"Yeah. Dad's company. It's not as big as it used to be and I'm not totally in charge, but we'll get there someday."

"What's your business?" Sango asked.

"Finance," Kagome and Inuyasha said at the same time.

"You remember!" Inuyasha grinned at her.

"Duh. Not brain-damaged, or did you forget?" she said, knocking on her head. "I remember how freaking vague that sounded."

"Some days, not even I'm sure what we do."

"So are you two back together now or what?" Sango asked, sipping obliviously on her new margarita.

"No!" Kagome said at the same time Inuyasha said, "Yes."

The tall brunette nodded sagely. "That pretty much tells me all I need to know."

Kagome wiggled away from Inuyasha's hand at the same time their food arrived, the hot oval platters topped with foods Americanized beyond recognition and garnished with a block of cheese each set in front of their respective owners. Kagome stared in dismay down at her goopy, gray-tinted enchiladas.

"Have mine," Inuyasha said softly, close to her ear as he traded their plates.

She looked up at him gratefully. "We'll split."

The nachos were awesome, and Kagome told herself to stop being so stiff with Inuyasha. No matter what, they were friends and cared for each other. Maybe in time things wouldn't be so confusing and they could laugh together about their weird feelings. In thanks, she let him keep his hand on her leg and didn't even try to move.

"What the heck? Cammyroons are just shrimp!" Sango said, sounding severely disappointed.

"It's in Spanish," Inuyasha muttered.

"Doesn't sound Spanish."

He stared at Kagome, and she knew he was wondering why they were friends. She felt she had to explain.

"Sango and I met in fifth grade—"

"Yeah! Our teacher was this total lezzie pedo and had it out for me and Kagome 'cause we were bad at math."

Kagome sighed in frustration. "Our teacher was an elderly woman who was frustrated at our lack of willingness to learn."

"Dyke," muttered Sango, chomping down on a shrimp.

" _Anyway_ ," Kagome said sharply, "we were always together because no one else would talk to us. I was really, really shy back then and Sango was, well, Sango. But different."

"I was a bit of a bully," she sighed, leaning back in her chair. "Had a lot of unresolved anger issues. My parents promised us a pool the summer before and then totally backtracked. I felt completely betrayed."

Inuyasha's mouth dropped open. "Fuck. _You're_ ChainSawngo?! Holy shit. You used to kick my ass up and down the blacktop every fucking day."

Sango narrowed her eyes and took a good look at him. "Wait a minute! Are you the weird kid who used to act like a dog and growl at people and crawl around and stuff?"

Kagome nodded.

They both turned to her. "You knew all this time?!" Inuyasha shrieked.

"Why the heck did you go out with him then if you knew that?" Sango asked in disgusted confusion.

She just shrugged. "I always kind of liked him, even before we really met. He did his own thing."

"And you just let her beat me up?!"

She shrugged again. "You'd probably still be acting like a dog if she hadn't beat it out of you. Bullies exist for a reason."

He gaped at her. "That's not fair. I don't even remember you!"

"I didn't do anything to make myself memorable," she murmured as she brought the last chip to her mouth.

"I wish I could," he said quietly, his fingers reaching up higher than before, massaging the skin and making her shiver yet again.

"Freaking margaritas make me need to whizz like crazy," Sango said, getting up with a soft burp. "Be right back."

"So you liked it when I acted like a dog, huh, Kagome?" Inuyasha whispered into her ear, his fingers coming out of the leg of her shorts and resting on top.

"Stop it, Inuyasha," she hissed, concentrating on looking normal as his hand traveled over to the front of her shorts, right over her mound, hardly even brushing against the fabric but still making her bite her lip.

"I don't want to stop. You don't want me to stop." His jedi mind tricks were working somehow and she felt herself becoming wet.

He drew his fingers down over the seam on the front of the shorts, caressing her through the thin, tight denim that stretched lewdly over her most private place. His other hand came down from where it had rested lightly behind her shoulders to underneath her shirt, creeping back and around until he was cupping her breast through her bra.

"Don't, mmmph!" she squeaked, losing her focus when he began to move his fingers in both locations. If they hadn't been in such a dark corner, she would have stopped him, but it felt too good. Knowing that he belonged to someone else and knowing that that someone else was Kikyo, yet he still came to her, gave her a secret thrill she hardly even acknowledged. Her sister was probably waiting for him at home, impatiently glancing at the clock while sitting at the same kitchen table they'd grown up with, wondering what was keeping him so late.

His fingers dug into her through the cloth and she moaned, leaning against his side. His eyes were dark and hard with lust, and she breathed hard against his shoulder, forcing herself to keep her mouth closed. His other hand was on her breast; his fingers had by this time slipped under her bra and were caressing her aching nipple, sweetly torturing her and tugging at intervals.

"Oh god," she said with a shudder. They had never gone this far before. She had never allowed him this far.

The digits teasing her pussy sped up, going in circles and then from side to side. She clung to him. It had never felt this good when she touched herself, which was rarely and always without result. And then she felt it. It was happening. Finally, that bliss she had only ever read about but had been too shy, even by herself, to experience. Inuyasha was giving it to her. She was about to come.

"Can I take your plates, amigos?"

She came, screaming onto his shoulder and grinding herself against his fingers.

"Sure," he smiled at the waitress, who was giving her an odd look. "Dessert, Kagome?"

Still experiencing aftershocks, she shook her head, her nails digging into his arm.

"We'll have the bill then, thanks."

Once the waitress was gone and she was calmed down, which took longer than she had ever thought, she bit into his shoulder. He yelped and jumped, and then she pulled away.

"What the heck were you thinking?!" she whispered, her teary gray eyes clashing with his proud dark ones.

"I was thinking that you're soft and I like to touch you and maybe you could use some stress relief," he said casually, taking his hand away from her breast, smirking when she visibly shuddered.

"That bitch took my food away!" Sango complained loudly.

"Where the heck were you?!" Kagome cried, glaring at her friend.

"The bathroom. Duh."

"We're leaving," she said bitterly as she jumped to her feet, her hands turning into fists in an effort to hold in her tears. She was a terrible person. She loved it when he touched her, and she loved that he was doing that to her and not her sister.

Inuyasha grabbed her wrist and tried to yank her back down. "I paid for everything today, the least you can do is give me some of your time."

"You bought me clothes and dinner, but you did not buy me," she said shakily. "I'll give you back everything, just let me leave."

"Keep it," he muttered, letting go of her wrist and looking down at the table. "I'll have a moving company send all your old stuff from the storage along with the new stuff in my car to Sango's apartment by tomorrow."

Without a reply, Kagome left, hearing Sango thank Inuyasha for dinner and scuttle after her.

"What happened? Why were you so upset with him?" she asked, concerned. "You guys were getting along great for a while, and it seems like he really does care about you."

"I don't want to talk about it," she said, gritting her teeth. "Let's just leave."


	5. Could It Be You?

**Five: Could It Be You?**

**(Kiss Off by the Violent Femmes)**

Despite all the big talk of yesterday, Sango had to go back to work at the salon and spa. She had already missed two days without calling in, and her boss was a fearsome Mexican woman armed with Crayola eyebrows, the rough voice of a banshee that had screeched its last scream, and the insults repertoire of a drill sergeant. Kagome had urged Sango to go back to work instead of faking her death, since being spoken sharply to in Spanish would be less expensive in the long run. Plus, Kagome had been wanting to get out on her own and explore the town she had left behind.

What had changed?

What had stayed the same?

A few minutes after Sango had left, Kagome pulled on the clothes she had worn the day before since the ones Inuyasha had purchased had not yet arrived and she didn't feel right taking things from her friend's closet without permission. The day was sunny and bright, warm and breezy, just absolutely perfect, the way the weather almost always was. Taking a deep breath, she walked in the direction of what had used to be her main stomping grounds.

Some of the businesses were different, but not all. There were some she had never seen before, which looked interesting, but since she didn't have any money, she didn't even want to look. It would just make her feel worse. An interesting-looking building, painted in colorful odd ball murals and little handprints, caught her eye. A children's bookstore! One of those little places that hardly exist anymore thanks to big bookstores, Wal-Mart, internet shops, and pirating. The sign was in the shape of a cloud and said in big, block lettering "Kōga's Kiddie Kodices". The name of the place was weird, and if interpreted the right way it would seem to allude that the "kodices" were made of children, but Kagome went inside anyway, the little girl inside of her absolutely enchanted by the Reading Rainbow fantasy brought to life right in front of her. She felt sick at the thought that she hadn't experienced a place like this as a child and was suddenly oddly jealous of the tykes around her.

There were tons of kids dragging their parents by the hand, pointing at creative displays of books and demanding them, even if they were out of their age range. It delighted Kagome, who had always been a reader and worried for the literary future of the world's youth. They had all the classics, an area for used books (trading and buying), and a ton of books she had never even seen before. That wasn't exactly new, since she had been basically sleeping for six years, but there were just so _many_. She wished she had money so she could pretend to be buying some books for a relative or something and then just take them home and read them in private, no shame.

"Can I help you?"

The man at her elbow was tanned a deep brown and his eyes were a laughing blue. His black hair completed the picture and something about him reminded her of Errol Flynn, with maybe a dash of Inuyasha, but not enough to make her feel sad or upset.

"Ha, um, no, I'm just looking…" she said nervously. His personality was one of those that project and made everyone notice the person it belonged to. At this point in her life, all that did was make her feel somewhat anxious.

"You new in town?" he asked casually, and without waiting for an answer, launched into his sale man's spiel. "We're not just a bookstore, you know. We're also an independent publishing company. My own books are here as well as some written by my current and former employees. We just turned five this past Friday and business is booming!"

"That's nice," she said smilingly, edging away.

"Can I interest you in this story here?" he said, pulling a book from off a nearby shelf and smiling at her winningly. "It's about a wolf who falls in love with a beautiful princess and wishes to become human. Boys and girls love it. Even I love it. I should, 'cause I wrote it."

"That's okay, I—"

"No? So you're shopping for an older child, then? We have books to read to babies in the womb all the way to kids up to the age of twelve."

"No, I just—"

"How about this one? It's about a group of friends who fight crime in their middle school. It's got a bunch of goofy villains who all attend the same school, although a couple are teachers. It's on sale, so—"

"I don't have any money," she blurted, her face turning red quicker than ever. The way she had said it made it obvious she didn't just not have it on her, but none at all. Kagome hadn't even meant to speak, she just wanted him to stop the sales pitch.

His eyes widened at her burst of frankness and he nodded. "You need money, then, obviously. How old are you?"

"Fif— I mean twenty-one."

"You ever work before?"

She shook her head.

"You're hired. What's your name?"

She stared at him in confusion. What had just happened? "Uh, Kagome? Higurashi."

He grinned at her and clapped her gently on the back. "Well, Kagome, I'm your boss now, but I don't want any of that 'Mister' or 'Sir' crap, okay? Just call me Kōga. Now let me show you what you'll be doing here."

**O\o/O**

Kōga showed her how to work a register and told her that she would hardly ever have to do that, as her duties would mostly consist of helping the customers and reading to the kids during story time. She'd be making a few dollars above minimum wage, nothing fancy but enough so that she could actually pay rent and even start paying for classes at the local community college soon enough. If she stayed an employee in good standing, Kōga mentioned that a raise was very likely. Kagome was absolutely thrilled. This kind of stuff only happened in the movies! He didn't even ask for any paperwork or anything other than the tax form, and paid her a week in advance.

As he was handing her the check, he snatched it back quickly, his eyes dancing playfully. "I don't do this for just anyone, Kagome Higurashi. I like you. I don't like a lot of people."

"I like you too!" she said sincerely, smiling at him. She really did. He was giving her money and a job at a fun place, what wasn't to like?

His smile widened and he placed the thin piece of paper worth so much in her open palm. She wondered if her old bank account was still open. The last time she'd checked, which had been the day of her accident, she'd had only seventeen dollars to her name after spending everything on the perfect dress, the one she'd worn for about three minutes.

"Great! So I'll pick you up around seven, then?"

"For what?" Did he want her to work the night shift? Did a children's bookstore have a night shift? Was this place a front for the mob?

"I'd like to get to know you better," he drawled, leaning back in his big bossy boss man chair grandly. "I've invested in you, so it's only natural. You like movies?"

Kagome nodded. Free money (well, not totally free since she'd be working for it the entire week) and a free dinner and a free show. She could go for that.

"I live in the apartments on Baker, right by the freeway," she said brightly, beginning to feel giddy.

"Great! I'll be there at seven sharp."

**O\o/O**

When Kagome told Sango she had a job and a date with her new boss, she did not expect her friend to burst into tears. Bemused, she patted her back as she bawled on the couch, her mascara painting her cheeks and neck.

"It's not fair!" Sango wailed, stomping one foot childishly. "You get a yummy man boss and lover your first day outside and that fucking chola is making me wax the vag of every fat bitch who comes into the salon for at least another week! And I haven't been with a guy since last month!"

Kagome tried to think of something consoling to say, but Sango's life did sound pretty bad right now.

"Uh, Sango?"

"Yeah?" her friend sniffled, turning her watery brown eyes on her.

"Um, you've had sex."

"Yeah?"

"Well, I just…" Kagome said nervously, her hands fumbling with each other in her lap. "I never did— _that_."

Sango laughed and wiped at the now dry, caked on mascara, accomplishing nothing but further smearing it. "I know, dummy. You're not so hot that you were reeling in the men even when unconscious. Are you worried about your big date?"

She nodded. "Not like I'm just gonna let it happen with him," she stated quickly, "but I think it would be good to just, I don't know, maybe know a little bit about it." If what Inuyasha had done to her with just a few fingers was any indication, sex was fucking amazing.

Her friend nodded sagely, most likely remembering that Kagome's mother had not allowed her to take Sex Ed. "You just want to know what to expect, right?"

"Yep."

"How far did you get with Inuyasha?"

Kagome blushed under Sango's curious, concentrated gaze. She had stopped being close friends with pretty much everybody but Inuyasha the moment they began to go out. She hated to admit it, but he had been her whole world, and without him everything had just seemed so boring. Sango and she had continued to talk and hang out, but they were distant, and had never spoken in depth about her relationship.

"We, uh," Kagome started lamely, not wanting to tell Sango about his wandering hands in the restaurant, "pretty much just kissed. A lot. I would let him touch me sometimes. Mostly over my clothes, a couple times under."

"Pfft, that's nothing," Sango said dismissively. "I am going to corrupt you for your own good, my little angel."

Confused, Kagome's eyes followed her friend's trip around the room, where she grabbed her hot pink laptop and excitedly jumped back onto the couch.

"Welcome to the world of porn, Kagasaurus!" Sango said dramatically while typing a website into the address bar.

"N-no!" Kagome cried out in shock. "That's disgusting!"

The other woman merely raised a brow. "Why?"

"That's— That's for boys who just, wh-who can't— It's not right!" she stammered, her face flushing.

"Just sit back and watch."

Kagome would have bolted, but the sounds coming from the computer in her friend's lap made her stay. It was just so loud and _wet_. Kissing had never been like that with her and Inuyasha! Why was the woman moaning that way? So loud and almost violently. The guy was hardly touching her. And the breathing sounded just so wrong.

"This one's my favorite," Sango whispered like a little girl, her eyes lit up with a fire Kagome had never seen before.

Another man came in, dressed in some type of worker's uniform; they never bothered to clarify his profession. Abruptly, he began to kiss the _man_ and Kagome's eyes went wide.

"W-wow," she squeaked. The sight of two men kissing was doing something not entirely pleasant or unpleasant to her insides.

"Bi porn is my total fave, but only if the dudes really get into it."

Kagome nodded, watching the men allow the woman to undress them. Neither were wearing undergarments, and both were frightfully erect. Once they were completely free of their clothes and the woman took her skimpy dress off, she knelt and they began to poke her face with their penises. The woman's eyes closed in ecstasy and she groaned yet again.

"Why are they doing that?" Kagome asked, concerned.

Was this all normal? It looked weird and uncomfortable and awkward. They began to lightly slap her face with their cocks, and Kagome felt like laughing. How would anyone in their right mind consider this to be arousing? It was the most off-putting thing she had ever seen and she wanted to enter a convent.

"Here's the good part!" Sango squealed.

The woman hocked one on the first man's dick and then the other and the men just put their heads back and moaned, stroking themselves. Kagome began to feel sick, which only intensified when the second man knelt and leaned over the first, who was now laying prone on the ground, and spread himself apart to reveal a hole she knew was much, much, _much_ larger than normal and absolutely frightful looking. The woman produced a long strand of spit and let it hang in the air for a moment before she let it release onto the reclining man's penis. The standing man stood over his companion, teasing the tip of the other man's cock with his bottom before fully sinking down onto it. The woman squatted above the first man's face and immediately began to almost scream in what Kagome supposed was meant to sound like pleasure.

"What is going _on_?" she whispered in horror.

Ignoring her, Sango continued to watch, fascinated, as the prematurely aged people on the screen gyrated together until they reached completion. Finally, it was over.

"Um, I think you're gonna have to get ready for your date on your own. I'll just uh, be in my room. I don't feel well. Yeah, I'm gonna go in my room and brush my teeth for a while…"

Sango ended up "brushing her teeth" with her electric toothbrush in her bedroom with the lights off and the door locked for fifteen minutes while Kagome tried and failed to get her eyeliner looking right, eventually giving up and smudging most of it away, which ended up looking pretty good. Not bothering to change since it was just going to be a casual thing, she waited outside without saying goodbye to her roommate, not knowing whether she'd be able to look her in the eye ever again.

Walking to just in front of the closed gate that sheltered the tiny apartments from whatever pathetic thief would try and rob the shabby-looking units, Kagome impatiently tapped her foot and waited for her boss, early but somewhat reluctant now that Sango had introduced her to the wonderful world of porn. Fifteen minutes before the agreed upon time, Kōga arrived in a dusty pick-up, windows down, speakers blaring a catchy tune she would have to look up later.

"Your carriage awaits, princess!" the dark-haired man said with a wide smile, showing far too many perfectly straight, white teeth. He jumped out, and before she could touch the door handle, he had it open for her.

"Heh, thanks!" she laughed nervously. Kagome was really, really, _really_ hoping he wasn't going to expect her to do anything like what she had seen in that video. Just thinking about it made her nauseous.

The car's interior smelled like he had dumped an entire container of Febreze in it. Either he was just as nervous as she was or he was an avid weed smoker and not sure of her beliefs. Whatever the case, she rolled the window down the slightest bit, hoping he wouldn't notice and start asking her if something was wrong, which would inevitably lead to her spitting on his dick. Why had she thought this was a good idea again?

"So, when'd you move here?"

"Uh, just a few weeks ago. Still getting settled." Kagome was torn between being honest with Kōga and the fear that if he knew she had been knocked out for years he would fire her. While she was definitely planning on telling him in the future, she wanted to let him get to know her a little first before she dropped that info bomb.

"Cool. Yeah, I moved into the area about the time I opened the shop. I saw you walking around outside looking a bit lost, and if you hadn't come in I would have abandoned my post just to get your number," he said with a flirtatious smirk.

"Ha, no," she said uneasily, calling herself every name in the book as she did so. Why was this suddenly so difficult? Damn Sango.

"No, I mean it!" he said urgently, his brows almost coming together in his eagerness for her to believe him. "You're my dream woman. I wanted to take you out and be with you as much as possible the moment I saw you."

"You're such a flirt," she replied, trying to brush it off. Kagome liked the attention and she liked Kōga, but wasn't exactly sure the two combined were very good for her. Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves while reminding herself that he was her boss and the food was going to be free, Kagome said, "In any case, I'm very glad I met you, Kōga. What do you have planned for tonight?"

He stopped sweating and grinned. "First off, a movie. You pick, I don't care much what we see. What I'm looking forward to is the dinner. You can pick the place and then we can talk, get to know each other."

"Alrighty. How about we go see one at that theater by the lake?" She wanted to slap herself as soon as she said it. Inuyasha had always taken her to that specific theater, and afterwards they'd make out in the gazebo overlooking the small, man-made body of water. Kagome hoped it no longer existed, but then again that would just seem weird since she had apparently just moved to town and knew about a theater that had possibly been torn down years ago.

"That one's my favorite!" he said, and off they went.

Conversation stopped completely, and it was the most agonizing experience of her young life. She couldn't stop thinking about the porno, and the more she thought about it, the faster her heart beat, and not in a good way. Kagome recognized the beginnings of panic. She tried to tell herself that she was just having dinner with her boss, that nothing would happen, but that didn't work.

Kōga helped her out of the car like a real gentleman, which only served to increase her nerves. She was well aware that everything wrong lay with her and not him, but that didn't make her feel any calmer. Smiling at her encouragingly, he urged her to pick whatever she wanted, but she declined. She picked the least sexual movie she could, something about a family of animated bears that was supposed to be for children. If her boss was disappointed, he didn't show it, and laughed at the lame gags along with the children in the audience, which made Kagome smile as well as question his intelligence. Inuyasha would have been complaining the entire time and his hands would have already been exploring in her panties before the previews were finished. She shook her head to clear those thoughts. All in all, the movie wasn't too bad, and the environment calmed her down enough so that she didn't even realize that Kōga put an arm around her shoulders until the credits rolled and he removed it, taking his warmth away with it and making her shiver in the chilly air.

Dinner was fine, with her learning more about him than he about her, which, to be fair, was just what she wanted. He told jokes, both funny and off-the-mark, but he was just so likeable she couldn't help but keep smiling, her earlier nervousness nowhere to be seen. He told her that both his parents were dead, like hers, and he ran the shop with two of his cousins, Ginta and Hakkaku. All in all, it was a wonderful evening, and Kagome was even looking forward to seeing him at work.

"I'm sorry I didn't bring you flowers," he said sincerely, holding open the car door for her after their dinner. "I got too excited and forgot."

"You didn't have to!" she said quickly. The entire time, she kept repeating to herself that this was not a _real_ date, this was just them getting to know each other.

Even if he had said she was his dream girl.

Even though real dates were exactly that: just getting to know each other.

Her nervousness returned, much less than before but still undoubtedly present. It only magnified when she fancied she could smell her own body odor from her sweaty pits. Carefully, she tried to sniff the air several times in the least conspicuous way she could, hoping he would think she'd just gotten some sort of spontaneous cold or something and that the smell lingering in the air was just the scent of the restaurant lingering on her. Kagome really wished she had kept the window closed and the Febreze trapped inside.

Kōga hopped in the car, oblivious to her mood. "I promise to bring you flowers every day from now on," he said, shooting a grin at her.

Kagome smiled back, unsure of what she should do. It was wrong to lead him on, but was that really what she was doing? She _did_ like him, and if she had never known Inuyasha, then hell, she'd probably be pursuing him and not the other way around. But something was just off. She pushed those thoughts and feelings away and smiled at him.

"Thank you for the best time I've ever had in this town," she said, definitely exaggerating. What harm could it do? She was just being nice.

"And thank _you_ for letting me take you out."

He pulled in front of the apartment complex and her heart began to beat like crazy. Did he expect anything in return for the date? Would she have to kiss him, or do something else? Her mother had always told her men were like that, expecting everything from a woman when they had given only a little bit, but she honestly wasn't sure. He seemed like an okay guy. Maybe just one little itsy bitsy teeny weeny kiss wouldn't hurt…

"See you at work tomorrow!" he chirped happily as he opened her car door.

Kagome jumped, she hadn't even noticed him leaving his seat.

"Uh, yeah. Bye, and thanks again!" she said, quickly recovering herself.

Sango was still in her room and Kagome could hear her snoring. Was it that late? She checked the time on the microwave. After ten.

All that work to distract herself, and Inuyasha had been on her mind every damn minute.

**O\o/O**

True to his word, Kōga brought her flowers the next morning. She laughed and thanked him, wondering if he would keep it up and actually bring her flowers every day. Kagome sneezed when she inhaled, then sneezed again. And again. Her few co-workers laughed and her face reacted by turning bright red. She had always envied Kikyo her ability to be perfectly cool in any situation. As it was, ever since she could remember, she had always blushed like crazy whenever the slightest thing occurred. Her mother had tried to console her and told her it was maidenly and made her stand out in a good way, but Kagome knew that was a load of bull crap.

Kōga laughed too, but when everybody else went off to work, he stayed behind and watched her fix the vase of flowers next to a register.

"I think I'm falling in love with you," he said slowly, grinning at her twice as red face before welcoming the first customers of the day.

"What the hell just happened?" she whispered out loud to herself.

"Excuse me, Miss, do you— _Kagome_?"

Kagome turned around, recognizing the voice instantly. "Hojo!" she beamed, waving at him awkwardly while wondering why she was doing so. "I thought I'd never see you again after, well, you know… Sorry about that."

A grimace flitted across his traditionally handsome face before his smile came back. "My friend just told me about this place. I was hoping to find some books for my nieces and nephews. Anything you recommend?"

Even though she had just gotten the job, Kōga had given her a pretty thorough lesson on the available books, telling her that they had staff meetings every morning a new book came in to go over the highlights of the story and how to sell it.

"Yeah! How old are your nieces and nephews?"

"Well, the girls are five and nine and the boys are three, seven, and nine."

"You've got some busy siblings," she commented as she led him over to the proper section.

He laughed good-naturedly and followed her. "Yeah, they're both older than me and have been bugging me about settling down for years."

"You're still so young, though!" she pointed out as she handed him a book on pirates that would be perfect for the nine-year-olds.

Hojo shrugged, his blue eyes twinkling. "That may be, but I'd have started a family the minute I turned eighteen if I had met the right girl. Age doesn't dictate when you're ready for things like that."

"That's so sweet!" she crooned. Why couldn't most guys be like Hojo? Why couldn't Inuya—

"Do you have anything that's not dumb?" came a rough voice from behind her, the voice she knew best in the world.

Without turning around, she exhaled loudly and said, "Yes, we do. Pick up any book and see."

"Don't you work here? Shouldn't you be doing your job and showing me?"

Kagome turned around angrily with a sharp retort on her tongue, only to lose her train of thought when she saw the small smile on his face and the sparkle in his eyes.

"Sir, I'm already helping a customer. I'm going to have to ask you to find another employee."

"I'll wait," he said with a shrug, appearing casual to any observer, but Kagome knew she had made him angry.

She helped Hojo find the books he wanted and sent him off to the registers with a smile, wondering what Inuyasha was doing at her new job. She found him again a few minutes later, standing exactly where she had left him, his eyes that were the darkest shade of every color staring at her with a very familiar intensity. Suddenly, she was nervous. The last time they had been together, he had ended up rubbing her over her shorts until she came, and she still wasn't sure if she was totally mad about that or not. Truthfully, she was more angry with herself and how she had relished in having even that little bit of him so close to being inside of her, wishing she could tell Kikyo and rub it in her stupid boyfriend-stealing cold bitch whore slut face. It was appalling how wonderfully dirty it had made her feel, and now she couldn't trust herself around him.

"What do you want?" she questioned as angrily as she could, hands on her hips.

He smiled at her, reaching out a hand to smooth some errant strands of hair back behind her ear.

"Some books."

Kagome blinked in surprise. She knew he didn't know any children, and he had never been particularly fond of them, either, that detail being the one thing that had made her unsure of her future with him. She had always loved children and wanted as many of them as she could possibly have.

"You and Kikyo starting a family?" she said lightly, pretending she did not care.

He rolled his eyes. "You know how I feel about kids. Just show me a few books, Kagome. Show me your favorites."

Warily, she did so, and soon they were laughing and talking like they used to. Everything was great. And then he left without even touching her again, which made her feel slightly insulted yet also relieved.

She had a feeling working at Kōga's Kiddie Kodices was going to be quite interesting.

**O\o/O**

Kōga actually did bring her flowers every day, the elaborate arrangements making her wonder how much they were setting him back and if he could even afford to keep it up. How profitable could a single children's bookstore be? He asked her to go out with him again every day, but Kagome just smiled and told him she'd rather get to know him at the workplace for a while instead. It wasn't that she didn't want to go out with him, she actually sort of did, but she thought it would be best if she just slowed down and adjusted to the way her life was going first.

Hojo was a frequent presence at the store as well, buying one book for each of his nieces and nephews every single day. Kagome had become very comfortable with the nurse again, remembering how kind he was to her in the hospital. She mentioned to him that she was keeping her former condition a secret from her co-workers and employer, and Hojo understood, although she could tell he disapproved. Seeing him was one of the best parts of her day, and she made a mental note to herself to maybe set him up with Sango. He would be just what she needed. Sighing, Kagome wondered where she could find a man like that, wishing she was capable of feeling anything towards the one she already knew.

And then there was Inuyasha. Always showing up, staying for hours, buying only one thing and asking her to "autograph" it for him. When he found out that her boss was the one buying the flowers and that they weren't decoration but instead a gift of courtship, the arrangements mysteriously started to disappear. Kōga was thrilled, thinking she was taking them home with her, perhaps sleeping with them under her pillow, or gazing at them longingly and sighing, or doing that "he loves me, he loves me not" thing with the petals. Kagome just played along, not telling him she had no idea where they were and she didn't particularly care since they made her sneeze.

"Dinner," Inuyasha demanded at the end of a month of daily visitations.

"No," she replied for what felt like the thousandth time and probably was.

"Please!" he begged, for once dropping the cool, calm, and subtly flirtatious attitude. "It doesn't have to just be with me. We could have dinner at the Shrine. With Kikyo, even, if you feel uncomfortable. You said you wanted to make up with her, right? Then come to dinner."

She hesitated. It was true, she wanted her sister back, needed her. Kikyo was her only family left alive. Kagome desperately wanted to ask her about their mother and grandfather, what had happened, how they had lived, how they'd died. Living with Sango was fun and all, but while she didn't want to hurt her friend's feelings by straight up leaving her after she had been so generous and also being reluctant to disrupt Inuyasha and Kikyo's married life, she missed her old home, missed her old room.

"Come on, Kagome," he said in a low voice, his hand grasping her shoulder and carefully staying there.

"A-alright," she said in a half-whisper. "But don't do anything weird!" she commanded, glaring at him.

Inuyasha broke out in a grin and nodded. "Scout's honor, babe."

She rolled her eyes. "Tomorrow? Can it be as soon as that?"

His grin faded and he looked away from her. "It'll take a lot of convincing, 'cause Kikyo's still really mad, but I'll see. I'll come by here tomorrow and tell you."

Kagome nodded and sighed, beginning to feel a smidge of depression creep back into her heart. "Thank you, Inuyasha. You're a great friend."

He snorted. "Whatever. See you tomorrow."

"Bye!"

Kagome watched him leave, hoping he'd follow through and bring her sister back into her life. Without their mother tearing them apart with her obvious, confusing favoritism, who knew? Maybe they'd actually get along this time.


	6. Such a Fool

**Note: This is the beta-ed version of this chapter and is slightly different from the previous one. BashiYami is a wonderful human being who made this totally better and has my eternal gratitude.**

**Chapter Six: Such a Fool**

**(I'm a Fool to Want You by Billie Holiday)**

Raining hairspray on her head, Kagome coughed and attempted to keep her eyes open as she fluffed her hair with a comb. She had always had better hair than Kikyo and she felt compelled to remind her sister that she was not superior to her in every single way. Her make-up already done expertly by Sango, she slipped her hands into her strapless bra that she had bought specifically for the dark purple strapless maxi dress she wore that clung to her thighs and outlined them just so, readjusting her breasts to her satisfaction. Smirking at her reflection, eyes on her full C-cups, Kagome took a moment to just appreciate the fact that she was no longer a slave to padded push-up bras. She had considered going without a bra, but that would just make Kikyo roll her eyes and she didn't even want to think about how Inuyasha would react to something like that. Pushing away thoughts of what Inuyasha will think and practicing her best little sister/vapid beauty pageant contestant smile, she told herself for the thousandth time that it was just dinner with her sister and her husband and everything was fine, everything was cool.

"You done?" Sango asked, popping her head in. Her brown eyes went wide and she gasped. "Oh my freaking god, Kagome, you have turned me gay."

She laughed and pushed past her friend. Inuyasha had been waiting outside the apartment for quite some time, forced to dwell on the doorstep or face listening to Sango's annoying pop music. Slipping on some high-heeled sandals, she wobbled as fast as she could to the door, hoping she hadn't kept him waiting for too long and that he hadn't decided to leave and cancel dinner. She knew the fear was irrational, but logic had never stopped her before.

"Bye, Sango!" she called out, not turning around as she opened the door.

Inuyasha was right there, and they were nose to nose, his dark eyes holding hers and taking her breath away before he backed up and they raked down her body, making her shiver.

"You're cold," he said, taking off his jacket and draping it over her shoulders.

Dumbly, she clasped it to her, wondering what it was that made her want him so badly so suddenly. She had been determined to mostly ignore him, but he just seemed so, well, _delicious_. It was possible that it had something to do with not seeing him for a week after he promised to try and get Kikyo to agree to dinner. They had talked a lot, and he had updated her on everything, though his absence had still felt like a hole in her gut. Inuyasha had spent all his free time softening Kikyo with gifts, such as trips to an expensive spa, flowers, movie nights in, expensive foreign chocolates that sounded kind of gross but in a pretty way. She wondered if he told her all those details because he was oblivious or because he wanted her to be jealous, to see the life she could have. If the latter was his intention, it had certainly worked, not that she'd ever admit it to anyone.

All the same, she wasn't going to go rushing into his arms. This dinner was about her and Kikyo reconnecting, about her showing Kikyo that she was no longer a little girl so easily dismissed and detested. Kagome was a woman now, making a living for herself and everything. They had another chance at being a family, a real one. They could get to know each other. Yeah, it would be weird, considering they had both loved Inuyasha, but that was not the point. The point was that they were both alive.

They were in the car, driving the nostalgic route to the Shrine, when Inuyasha broke her trance. "I'm going to apologize ahead of time for Kikyo's mood. I wasn't able to mellow her out all the way, only enough to get her to agree to see you."

"Oh," Kagome said quietly, still let down even though she had been expecting something of that sort. She didn't allow herself to get her hopes up about anything anymore. "You tried your best, Inuyasha. Thank you."

She said the last part so quietly she wasn't sure he'd heard her, but then his eyes glanced away from the road and he flashed her a grin, reaching out a hand to clasp her sweaty ones from where they were folded tightly on her lap. "Everything I did would be worth it if you would just smile like you used to instead of some weird sort of clown mannequin."

She laughed, her posture, which had been unconsciously stiffening the closer they got to their destination, relaxing under his small touch. "Is she really, really mad?"

Inuyasha sighed, an emotion she couldn't decipher flitting through his eyes. "Honestly? I don't understand her anymore. I don't think I ever did."

The ride was silent after that, each lost in their own thoughts, and it was only a few minutes before he pulled up in front of her childhood home. Her hands shook as she opened the door, the stairs from the bottom looking like they climbed right up to the stars. She had never even really noticed how long the way was before. It had certainly been a while since she had been used to going up and down at least twice a day. Hopefully she wouldn't embarrass herself and have to stop to rest her legs or just breathe.

"Worrying about the stairs? You shouldn't. You did gain weight, but not a lot. It looks good on you."

Kagome glared at him, intending to slap him until she saw the look in his eyes. It was the same one he had given her that night after he punched out Hojo and they were in the car and he kissed her. It made her feel a little sick, but mostly like crying. What did he want from her? What did he think he could get?

"I was just wondering how you managed to carry Kikyo over the threshold. Or did she carry you?"

He scowled at her and she smirked. Inuyasha had been a little small growing up, but that was okay because she had always been small as well. In the year before her accident, he had grown in leaps and bounds, astounding everyone. His previous stature had always been a sore point for him from that time on, a sore point Kagome was guiltily relieved to see he still possessed. All his new confidence had been close to overwhelming.

"Race you to the top?" he said, something in his voice reminding her of when they were young and making her heart beat a little faster. She used to say the same thing to him every time they'd play, but he would always beat her, even his very first time visiting.

She was already running, and he grabbed the hem of her skirt, both of them laughing as he did so. Somehow, they were grasping hands, and racing not each other but time instead. Kagome could almost see the miniature versions of themselves racing alongside them, so happy and innocent, unknowing of the future. She wanted to cry for the child she had been, the children that they had been. So many lost years. But maybe they would have just broken up anyway, she mused to herself. It had seemed impossible to her at the time, but it was always that way with one's first romance. Even still, Kagome knew she would have always loved him. No one else would ever come close.

"Woo!" he yelled once they had gotten to the top. She was panting and sweaty, the only reason she had reached the top at the same time he did being that he had dragged her most of the way. They were both smiling and she knew her hair and make-up were a mess, but he didn't seem to care. She didn't either. His hands grasped both her upper arms, searing her skin through his jacket and holding her upright and close. "Welcome home, Kagome."

Those words almost did her in and she wanted to cry, but she didn't see the sense in further ruining the job Sango had done on her face. Inuyasha was looking at her with those eyes, his murky, glorious eyes, and she knew he was going to kiss her and she was going to let him. She just didn't have a choice when it came to him. She could allow the one small sign of affection, of love. His face came closer to hers and her eyelids drifted halfway shut, feeling again the magnetic pull his lips had on hers.

"You're back."

The voice sent her eyes flying wide open, Inuyasha's as well. Quickly, they separated, knowing that it would make them look even guiltier but unable to stop themselves.

Kikyo was dressed beautifully in a casual white dress that fit like it was made for her. Even so, Kagome got the feeling that she had not dressed for the occasion like she had. Kikyo was just always dressed like that. Suddenly, she felt very acutely aware of the state of her own clothing. She could just picture how she looked to the older girl: smudged eyeliner and mascara, foundation rubbed away to reveal her perpetually reddish nose, hair that was flat in some places and full in others, a cheap dress that kept falling down and pinching her armpits in a weird way. Throwing herself at her brother-in-law right in front of her older sister.

Disgusting and shameful.

"Come inside, then. The weather's not right for a patio party," Kikyo said in her smooth, quiet voice that she had tried her hardest to emulate when she was a child.

Kagome wanted to cry for possibly the thousandth time in ten minutes. If her mother had been there, she would have made Kikyo be nice to her. She would have hugged her and never let her go for the rest of the night, not even to say hello to her grandfather, who would tease her and then promptly fall asleep in his chair for the rest of the evening. But they were dead. Kagome looked around her, from the top of the stairs where her grandfather greeted guests on festival days, to the entrance where she and Kikyo had taken the day she entered middle school, to the ancient tree where her parents had gotten engaged. Absently, Kagome spotted the small patch of manicured lilies where her mother's small vegetable garden had been, and in turn felt her resolve harden. She had grieved in the hospital and then decided to forget about it and move on until she reached a point in her life where she could take the time to stop and just cry whenever she wanted to without worrying whether someone would talk to her, try to console her and only end up making it worse. It wasn't that time yet.

"H-hey, Kikyo," she said lamely, wishing she had brought Sango or even Kōga or Hojo, anyone so she didn't feel so completely alone.

"Dinner has been on the table for ten minutes," she said sternly, directing her words at Inuyasha.

"Uh, alright. Let's go, Kagome," he said nervously, not looking at her when she handed him back his jacket.

The interior of the house was as unchanged as the exterior, apart from the not-so-small detail that all the pictures of them as a family had been replaced by paintings of flowers that looked better suited to a dentist's office than a centuries-old Shrine. She wanted to ask Kikyo where the old pictures were but decided to take care of that later. Maybe she'd loosen up after the meal, and then she could ask her questions and make a hasty departure.

"Nice paintings!" she chirped, trying to sound like an appreciative house guest.

"They're dreadful," Kikyo muttered.

"My mother painted them," Inuyasha explained, flashing her an apologetic smile.

Thinking it best to keep her mouth shut as much as possible for the remainder of her visit, she simply nodded and sat at the table in what had used to be her chair. That seemed to be alright, as Inuyasha took his place at the head and Kikyo across from her. "Dinner" consisted of a large salad with no dressing, some brown bread with large grains and seeds in it, and paella. Kagome groaned internally. If there was one thing she hated, it was paella. Her mother used to make it for birthdays, all but Kagome's. She didn't exactly know why she disliked it so much, but she knew that Kikyo knew she hated it. Instead of the rush of anger she had been expecting, she simply felt very, very sad. Without intending to, she sighed out loud. Sad was so much worse than angry.

"Wine?" Inuyasha asked, pouring her a full glass without her assent.

Red wine. She liked red wine. At least there was something at the table she enjoyed. She took a sip, watching Inuyasha and Kikyo serve themselves. He didn't seem too keen on the choice of fare either, and he put only bread and a small spoonful of the vile paella on his plate. Kikyo's portions were equally small, but she had salad. Kagome got the feeling that she enjoyed the food but was very much into retaining her figure, which she was only just now realizing was TV actress-sized, a good two sizes smaller than her. Even smaller than she had been in high school. She wondered if Inuyasha could encircle her waist with both hands. Had he tried?

"Are you waiting for someone to serve you?" Kikyo asked, looking directly at her for the first time. "Things don't work that way around here anymore."

"N-no, I'm just—"

Her blushing stammering was interrupted by the sudden appearance of salad and a small piece of bread on her plate. Inuyasha had stood up and was spooning food onto her plate, his jaw clenched but the rest of him deceptively calm. His wife glared at him before going back to her meal, her fork screeching angrily against the surface of the porcelain plate.

"How's work?" he asked cheerfully once he sat back in his seat. Kagome didn't know whether to be sad or grateful he seemed to be more in control of his temper now.

"Pretty good," Kagome answered hurriedly, assuming he had been speaking to her since he had told her Kikyo did not have a job. "My boss has been really great."

"Does he know about your condition?" Kikyo asked, not sounding the least bit interested.

"Well, I don't have any sort of 'condition'," Kagome explained, treading carefully so as not to upset her sister. "And I'm going to tell him, just not now. I want him to get to know me first."

"I would think that would be something you'd be required to tell an employer."

"I haven't had any long-term effects, so I don't see why. Um, has Inuyasha told you what I do?"

"He told me you work in retail," she said lazily, a hint of a mocking smile on her face.

"Well, it's a children's bookstore and publishing house. It's really neat, actually, and everyone's so nice and—"

"Good. And how much are you making? Minimum wage?"

"A few dollars above. I know it isn't much, but it's really all I need right now."

"You're living with your little friend from before, correct? The loud mouth."

"Sango, yes." Kagome was beginning to sweat, feeling like she was being grilled by an old-timey detective or something. She took another gulp of wine, surprised to see her glass was empty. Before she could even ask, Inuyasha gave her a refill. She smiled at him gratefully. "Um, so how have you been these past six years?"

Kikyo shrugged. "I graduated college early. Got my Bachelor's in political science. Married Inuyasha. That's about it."

"Oh. Where'd you go to college?" she asked, feeling ridiculous and desperate. Was she really going to be the only one attempting a conversation?

"State."

Kagome nodded and took a bite of salad, fighting the urge to spit it right back up onto her plate. It was _gross_! Did they eat like this every day or was Kikyo seriously that dedicated to making sure she didn't ever want to come back?

"What about you, Inuyasha?"

"Nothing interesting." Kikyo glared at him, something he missed. "Just started working at the company. Still there. Making my way up. I've been progressing steadily. I'm only two positions away from the top."

"That's great!" Kagome said with a smile, holding her glass out for another serving. It was the only even remotely palatable thing at the table, and even though she hadn't tried the bread yet, she had no desire to, not being one who relished chipping a tooth in the name of health and fiber.

"It would be great for someone who didn't own the company," Kikyo said, resentment in her voice.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes wearily, and Kagome held her breath, sensing the beginnings of an old argument.

"Again, really? I do not own the entire company. My _father_ did. I have to work just like everybody else."

"So you're just a normal employee?" Kagome asked, genuinely curious.

"W-well, not exactly," he said hesitantly, and she smiled softly at him obviously trying to show off for her. "I mean, I own a good amount of shares, but profits aren't like they used to be and this isn't TV or anything. I didn't automatically inherit his position, just the shares. So yeah, I've got some money, but I had to sell a lot of shares over the years so I don't have the power. I want the power. The guys at the top are dad's old friends, and they're gunning for me, they want that for me too."

Kikyo sniffed moodily. "I told you not to sell your shares. We could be on an island right now and you'd be working from your laptop once every Monday instead of this hell we're going through now."

"It's not that kind of work, Kikyo," he said, exasperated.

"I'm still not very clear on what kind of work it is!"

"Finance!"

"This wine is very good," Kagome interrupted, trying to stop the fight before it happened.

"You shouldn't be drinking that," Kikyo said. "You're not used to it."

"It was my mom's favorite kind." Inuyasha ignored his wife and instead poured her another glass. "You've got good taste."

"At least water it down," Kikyo protested.

"It's okay!" Kagome said, quick to reassure her, not wanting another fight. "I haven't had that much."

"I have a headache," Kikyo muttered. "You bought the wrong light bulbs."

"You always say that," Inuyasha said, stuffing bread into his mouth.

Kagome drank her wine nervously. Maybe Kikyo had been right. She was starting to feel very warm and her head was going all floaty. "I don't feel good, either," she said, enunciating each word, knowing that if she didn't she'd just end up lisping and stuttering.

"Take her home, Inuyasha."

"It's late. Let her spend the night."

"It's okay, guysh, I can call Sango and she'll—"

"No!" Inuyasha said loudly, his fist rattling the table and surprising everyone, himself included. "You're our family. You stay here tonight."

"Inuyasha," Kikyo pleaded, her eyes going big and watery. "I thought we would finally spend some time together tonight. _Alone_."

Kagome felt even worse. She just wanted to lie down and sleep.

"It's Kagome's home, too," he said firmly. "She can stay in her old room."

"Fine." Kikyo stood up and left the room, her posture telling everyone that it most certainly was _not_ fine.

"You okay?" he asked once they heard a door shut around the corner and down the hall. She opened her mouth to answer, but then the loud noise of an infomercial began to blare and she just stared at him. "Kikyo always does that. I usually wait an hour or two and then go in to check if she's sleeping."

"She hates me," Kagome whispered mournfully before taking another sip of wine. She hadn't meant to say that, but now that she had she didn't regret it.

"Do you remember when I first met you?" he asked finally, his eyes softening the longer he looked at her.

"Yeah. At school. You were in love with Kikyo and you wanted me to introduce you to her," she grumbled, glaring weakly at him.

He laughed and leaned back in his chair, his powerfully built body making the wood creak. "I was one of many, baby, don't take it personally. A bunch of other guys dared me to go up to you and ask for her name and number, and I did it because it was middle school and the fuckin' peer pressure got to me." Kagome leaned her elbows on the table, resting her head on a hand. She had never heard his version of events before. "Anyway, I lost my nerve when I went up to you because I hadn't realized that you were pretty too until I was right in your face. So I asked to eat lunch with you and then I freaked out because I'd be eating lunch with _you_ , this girl whose name I didn't even know, this girl I suddenly had a crush on."

She grinned and blushed, this time not due to the alcohol. "You were completely quiet the entire time. I thought you hated me. How come you've never told me this before?"

"I could never hate you," he said sincerely, reaching out his hand and grasping one of hers, her stomach do silly flips when their eyes connected. "There were so many things I wanted to tell you while you were sleeping, things I never thought to tell you before. Now we have time."

"I always liked you. Even when we were in different classes and never talked, I liked you. Not in a crush way, I just… liked you," she finished with a shrug, the wine having successfully impeded her ability to properly express herself.

"I wish I noticed you sooner. Six years sooner, to make up for the time we lost."

"We would have been in kindergarten," she said with a smile. "You would have pulled my hair and I would have screamed and hit you and that would have set the tune for our entire relationship."

"So, when did you first start to, you know, like me like me?" he asked with a smile, his fingers leaving her hand for her thigh. Thankfully, he stayed over her clothes.

"Like a month after we started hanging out and Sango asked me who my secret boyfriend was. I immediately thought of you, and my heart started pounding. How about you?"

"The first time I went over to your house." Kagome nodded. It was the Friday of the week they had first begun to talk. Knowing that he had liked her in that way first gave her all sorts of tingly feelings inside. "You went to the bathroom and I got bored and started going through your stuff, and I found your underwear drawer. I started imagining you wearing them and I had my first wet dream that night," he said, watching her reaction with amusement on his face.

"You pervert!" she said in an outraged whisper. "I was eleven years old!"

"I was only a year older. Not exactly wrong," he said dismissively. "What's wrong is that I took a pair and I still have 'em."

Kagome gasped, horrified. "That's so gross!"

Inuyasha shook his head. "Nope. It's not gross because I don't picture sixth grade Kagome when I close my eyes at night, I picture you the way you are now. You wanna see something?"

"I swear to god, Inuyasha, if you whip out your dick, I will scream."

He laughed. "Not _that_." His eyes were serious again and he took her hand. "It's in the backyard, come on."

Heading toward the back door, Kagome looked from the way his broad shoulders now stretched his shirt, to his hand which nearly engulfed her smaller one, steadying her when she became lightheaded. Everything about him seemed bigger now, yet he was still so familiar to her. His smile was still smirking and crooked, the way he walked full of single-minded purpose, and the way he would be teasing her one moment, and suddenly looking at her intently and making her think her knees would buckle a moment later.

Kagome belatedly remembered the long squeak the sliding glass door no longer made as InuYasha shoved it open with his foot and flicked on a light switch, bathing the backyard that was much more well-manicured than she remembered. It was chilly out, the contrast between her memories of sunny afternoons here under the shade of the outer branches of the Goshinboku making her wish she still had his jacket. Her thoughts stopped, however, when at the same time her eyes landed on a monument and his arm went around her shoulders.

"Is that…?"

"Yeah," he whispered, kissing her cheekbone softly. "I had special permission to get their ashes placed in the backyard. Do you wanna see? We can go back inside if you're not ready."

She shook her head. "No, I want to see."

Holding onto him for strength, Kagome stepped forward until she was directly in front of the marble structure that housed the precious mortal remains of her loved ones. On the left was her grandfather's side, which included a picture of him in his youth on his first date with the woman he would later marry, the grandmother she had never known. Below was a picture of him in his old age seated with Kagome on his lap, just a baby swaddled in a pink and white blanket, toddler Kikyo to his right looking uncomfortably impatient, and their mother and father standing behind them beaming. Her father would go on to die a mere few months later in a plane crash.

It was harder for her to look at her mother's side, but she managed. It showed her mother's wedding picture, when she was a young bride with nothing but love and dreams. Beneath it was a different family photo, her mother's favorite. Kagome had been only seven and had just finished performing her part in the school play. Her mother thought it was the greatest thing ever and had bragged to all her friends about how her daughter was chosen to play the main character. Technically, Kagome _was_ a main character, but she only had about two lines since she was the princess who was kidnapped at the beginning of the play and rescued at the end, absent for a huge chunk of time in between. Still, her mother had taken upwards of a hundred photos. In the one that decorated her resting place, Kagome, still in costume, and her mother were both facing the camera, with her mother hugging her from behind and looking incredibly happy. Her grandfather was next to them, looking bored out of his mind. Kikyo had taken the picture, like she usually did.

"D-did she really… Did she really kill herself?" Her voice was just a breath, a tiny high-pitched whisper when she really wanted to scream.

"She had a lot of problems, Kagome. She was losing the Shrine. Your grandfather died a few months after your accident. Kikyo and I were already married and living across town, and they fought a lot so they hardly ever saw one another. She spent all her days with you in the hospital and all her nights watching TV or your old home movies. She just… She couldn't take it anymore, baby." His voice had a pleading quality to it, begging her not to cry, not to hurt.

"How?" she said with a sniff, drying the few tears that had escaped.

Inuyasha sighed, not wanting to tell her, but when he saw the determined dimpling of her chin, he gave in, as he always had and always would. "She had some prescriptions. She couldn't sleep. She told me that she just kept seeing you, over and over, hearing the car hit you. Well, last spring she bought a bottle of bourbon, took the entire bottle of pills and just kept drinking until she passed out. She never woke up."

"Did you find her?"

"Kikyo and I both did. We were supposed to take her out for Mother's Day."

"Where? Where did she die? In bed?"

"Right here," he said, pointedly looking at where the remains were. "That's why I had it put in the backyard. Was there anything special about this particular place? I always got the feeling that there was, but Kikyo said no."

"Before Sango, I didn't really have friends," she said in quiet voice. "She was my only friend. Mama. We used to camp out here when I had a bad day at school. We'd look out at the stars and she'd tell me that the rest of the kids were just like them, but I was special. I was the sun, the greatest star."

They both looked up at the same time, their hands having found each other.

"You know," he started, his voice caressing her ears, "we've replaced starlight with neon. Sunlight with fluorescents. But the sun and stars last. You don't have to change them every couple of years, and they're always beautiful, no matter how long they're around. Neon comes in pretty colors, and fluorescent is practical, but they give you a headache after a while." Kagome just stared at him, wondering how much wine he had consumed to make him ramble on like that. "What I'm trying to say is that you are my star, my moon, my sun. Kikyo's just fluorescent neon."

"Thank you," she murmured, squeezing his hand. "Inuyasha? I don't think I can walk." Her knees were trembling and her feet felt weird. She no longer felt hot and headachey, she felt all sorts of floaty and a little sluggish.

"Let me carry you over the threshold," he said smoothly, flashing her one of his crooked grins that, while beautiful, did not compare to his sincere smiles that always caught the both of them off-guard. "Kikyo and I took your mom's old room on the first floor. I cleared the stuff she stored in your room. It's just your bed and desk in there now. I put some clean sheets and blankets on." Without further ado, he swept her up in his strong arms. It took her a few seconds to notice, but when she did, she began to giggle like crazy.

"You're so good to me," she whispered, reaching up to cup his face. "So good and handsome." She giggled again when he almost stumbled on the stairs.

Then they were in her room, and he lowered her gently to her bed, which was comfortable even though it didn't have her old blankets and sheets that were now on her new bed at Sango's apartment.

"I remember how your mom would never let me stay over, not even when I lied and told her my mom and dad let me," he said with a smile, his face very close to hers.

"She thought you were trouble," she whispered, her eyes crossing slightly before focusing again. "You can stay over now, though."

"A-are you sure?" he whispered, his eyes darting around. "What about Kikyo?"

"What about her?" Kagome said, her voice cracking with hurt. "She's got the TV on super loud, and you said that you usually wait a while before going into bed." He looked like he was going to refuse, but she grabbed his hand. It was suddenly of the utmost importance that he stay with her. "We'll lock the door, okay? It'll be fine. I love you, Inuyasha."

His eyes went from being filled with caution to moist with feeling. The way his lips parted when he was deciding was suddenly precious to her. "Okay, but we'll have to keep it down, baby. No giggling like at regular sleepovers."

She nodded eagerly, and he went up to lock the door, hurrying back to her side and crawling in next to her. Immediately, before he could even get himself settled, she rolled over onto him and attached her lips to his. He tasted a little like paella, but mostly like wine, so it wasn't that bad. Inuyasha tried to protest, but she persisted, and eventually he was breathing hard, his hands at the back of her neck, in her hair, and under her skirt, like he was trying to feel all of her at once. Gasping into his mouth, she started grinding herself into his thigh, wanting to feel what he had made her feel what seemed like far too long ago.

"I've always dreamed of this," he whispered, breaking apart from her. "For ten years, Kagome. An entire decade of my life, half my life, where you have been all I care about."

His hands went to the bodice of her dress and he yanked down, exploring her breasts in the room lit only by the street lamps outside. Inuyasha's hands were large and rough on her skin, but so warm. She sighed, feeling every muscle tremble. His hands went to her ribs, and she rose to her knees, still leaning over him, somehow knowing what he wanted her to do without him telling her. Her breasts now dangling over his face, they made eye contact for a split second before he hugged her to him, his hands pulling at her back, and his mouth going directly to an already straining nipple. She cried out, unprepared for the sensations, and he stopped to glare at her. Looking at him in apology, she covered her mouth and he went back to work, a devilish glint in his eyes. He sucked harder and licked up and down with his tongue, teasing the nipple, eventually plucking with his lips. She felt herself soak through her panties and she hummed against her hand, wanting him there like she had never wanted anything.

Inuyasha seemed as attuned to her as she was to him, and he pulled her dress down further before reality hit Kagome with a painful jolt. _Her scars_. She couldn't allow him to see her scars or even feel them.

"No!" she yelped, yanking herself back from him.

His expression went from surprise, to hurt, to anger. "What the fuck do you mean 'no'?! I've been telling you how I feel and you jump on top of me and just—"

"I-it's not like that!" she protested softly, pulling her dress up so that it covered the scars on her back but still left her breasts exposed. "I just want tonight to be about you. Please?"

He stared at her and then nodded, his negative mood fading with each kiss she gave him. She peppered kisses from one corner of his mouth to the other, running her lips along his jaw, his neck, his collarbone. His t-shirt got in the way so she pulled it off, dancing her fingers over his bared flesh like she'd wanted to all those years ago. He had become so much more beautiful, the silvery moonlight caught in his hair. Realizing that she had never seen him completely nude before, she suddenly wanted to. With his help, she removed his pants, taking his underwear off with it. His cock stood tall and proud, and she gulped. Was she really prepared to do anything at all with him? They had been apart for years, and he had certainly grown in more than a few ways. Closing her eyes to will away the sudden spurt of dizziness, she opened them again and tried to study the penis in front of her objectively, desperately trying not to think of spit and buttholes and disgusting pornos. She had always thought dicks to be sort of ugly, but Inuyasha's was actually nice. It was like a model penis, perfect in every way. Not so large as to be frightening, but not small and sad-looking either.

She could totally do this.

"I love you so much, Inuyasha," she said, her lips moving against the head of his cock. "So much."

She felt his muscles clench as she took him into her mouth, and then it was his turn to muffle his cries, his turn to feel helpless. Kagome listened to every gasp he made, trying to recall everything from bits of the porno Sango had shown her to stuff she had heard about way back in high school. It seemed to be good enough for Inuyasha, who was panting and sweating, naked on her sheets, his muscles rippling in the dim light. Tentatively, she brought her hand down and gripped his sack, growing bolder and playing with it when he choked on a gasp and moaned, almost taking his hand off his mouth. She bobbed her head and twirled her tongue as best she could, trying to make it feel good for him with all her limited experience. Just when she was sure her jaw would never recover, he grunted into his palm and burst in her mouth. She swallowed even though she really, really, really didn't want to because she remembered hearing somewhere that guys totally liked that sort of thing for some incomprehensible reason. Kagome didn't understand how force feeding someone something so vile was at all sexy, but she was willing to do it for him.

Exhausted, she crawled back to the pillow and flopped down on it, wondering why Inuyasha was having such a hard time recovering when she was the one doing all the work.

"Thank you, Kagome, that was— Fuck, I love you," he breathed, smiling like an idiot while she leaned into him, still half dressed.

Happy that he was happy, she fell asleep, her last thoughts ones of mouthwash.

**O/\o/\O**

Kagome woke in the morning to a pounding head and a room filled with the gray light of early morning. Brushing her hair out of her face and mouth, where it had somehow migrated in her sleep, she looked around. Inuyasha was gone. It was what she had expected, but it still made her sad. A wave of nausea overtook her and she stumbled out of bed, half running, half dragging herself to the bathroom. There was steam coming out from under the door, but if she didn't make it in, she was going to puke everywhere, and she really didn't feel like embarrassing herself much more. She didn't even care who was in there, if it was Kikyo who'd yell at her or Inuyasha who'd laugh, tease her, and try to entice her into joining him even though they both knew that was not possible.

Throwing open the door, she stopped only one step inside. Instead of one person in the shower, there were two. She could see them clearly through the glass door. Inuyasha and Kikyo, sharing the tiny space and happily washing each other, like a real couple. A married couple. The real, married couple that they were.

Unable to control herself anymore, she doubled over and vomited a stream of red and yellow all over the floor, droplets falling on her dress. She wiped her mouth with the hem of her dress, feeling numb inside and out. The guilt and heartbreak pulsed inside of her like another organ, expanding and expanding in between breaths until she feared it would break open her ribcage and show the world how truly rotten inside she had become.

The shower door was open and Kikyo was screaming something at her. Inuyasha was staring at her in shock from behind her sister, his wife, his wife of three entire years, half the time she had been sleeping. And they had been together since her accident. What was she doing here, at their home?

"Kagome!" Inuyasha said, maneuvering around Kikyo and exiting the shower. She didn't want to, didn't mean to, but she stared at the defining part of his anatomy. Seeing it now brought tears to her eyes. What was last night? What had that been to him? She had done something she had no right to, touched something that had never and would never belong to her. Inuyasha stumbled coming out of the shower, one foot near her puddle of grossness. Thinking fast, he grabbed a towel from the rack and flung it down over the mess right before he was about to step in it.

"Not the goddamn guest towels, Inuyasha!" Kikyo screeched, outraged. "That is _it_! Get the hell out of my house, Kagome!"

Concentrating on keeping the tears in her eyes and not on her face, Kagome backed away, her legs feeling incredibly weak.

"Kagome, wait!" Inuyasha yelled, which was completely unnecessary since they were only a couple feet from each other. "I have to drive you, remember?!"

Seeing that she would not wait like he had asked, he grabbed another towel and wrapped it around his waist, securing it. It was lilac and made him look ridiculous. Kagome began to cry at how crazy everything was and ran out of her former home and down the steep steps, Inuyasha running wildly behind her. It was a miracle in itself that neither of them slipped. When she reached the car, she tugged on the handle frantically, just wanting to curl up and sleep, but it was locked. She felt like screaming. The car beeped and she hurried inside, sparing a brief thought as to how Inuyasha had managed to remember his keys after such a scene. Just remembering it made her open the door so she could puke again, which she did with great, heaving gasps and painful gagging.

By the time she was done, Inuyasha was in the car and had started it. She didn't even want to look at him, didn't want to see his face, the expression he was wearing. If he pitied her, that was bad. If he didn't, that was worse. After a while, he got the hint and began to drive, considerately rolling the window down for her.

"You threw up my cum back there."

"I wish you slipped in it."

He sighed. "Kikyo and I always shower together. We weren't doing anything. If I don't keep showering with her, she'll know something's up."

"Nothing's up. Not anymore. So keep on showering with your wife and stick your dick down _her_ throat from now on," she said in an angry whisper, her own words making her feel sick again.

Inuyasha hit the steering wheel, the sound affecting her like a physical blow and making her flinch. "Fuck, Kagome! I'm really trying to make this work without having everything in our lives go to hell. If I fuck this up and make her mad, then I could lose my job _and_ the Shrine _and_ end up paying fuckin' alimony for the rest of forever. I love you, but I don't think you'd be very happy with me if you had to support the both of us on your salary."

She said nothing for a while, just appreciated the cool breeze in her hair and the warm sun on her skin. Why couldn't everything feel as good and simple and right as that?

"I'll always love you no matter what, Inuyasha," she said, her voice now low and gentle as a patchwork of sun and shadows danced over the hood and across her arms and neck. "It seems as though I can't help it, even when it comes to things like last night and I know even in the very moment that if I show you I love you, I'll lose my soul. I can't not love you."

"Then wait. And be patient."

"No."

" _Yes_ ," he hissed, his hands clenching the wheel.

"I'm going to give Kōga a chance."

"The fuck you are!" he yelled. She had never heard him sound so angry. Did he not understand that this was breaking her heart as well? "That lousy bastard's a complete creep."

"You've never even met him," she said, feeling very drained. "He told me he loves me. Well, he said he thinks he's falling in love with me."

Inuyasha laughed, the sound harsh and cruel. "And you fuckin' believed him? Wow, maybe you are brain damaged."

"I do believe him. He's doing well for himself. He's a great guy and he loves me and he's not married to my sister or anyone else."

Inuyasha braked hard, ignoring the sounds of the screeching horns and angry yells of the commuters around them. They were about a mile away from her apartment.

"Get out," he growled, his tone dangerous, telling her that what she had said was unforgivable. "If that's how you want it, then get the fuck out."

"Alright."

Kagome tried not to cry, tried not to hate him and everything about him, tried not to keep loving him. Her feet hurt from having worn shoes the entire night, her dress was splattered with vomit, she was tired and sore and there was no sidewalk for another half a mile.

"I'm such a fucking idiot," she murmured to herself, allowing a few tears to fall. "An idiot."


	7. Heart Between Your Teeth

**Chapter Seven: Heart Between Your Teeth**

**(Fuck Was I by Jenny Owens Young)**

**Note: Four out of five dentists agree that reviewing makes the author less likely to eat marshmallows straight out of the bag after class.**

"Kagome!" Kōga said with a grin, greeting her the very second she stepped through the back door and into the store.

"Hey!" She tried to appear chipper, but she couldn't even fool herself. The fight she had had with Inuyasha a few days ago still weighed on her, and nothing seemed to make it better.

"Here," her boss said magnanimously, handing her a bouquet of daisies. "I don't like to see you so down, woman. Let me take you out tonight, make you smile."

She was about to turn him down, but he looked so hopeful, and she was feeling pretty crappy, and he always bought her flowers and obviously cared for her, maybe even loved her.

"A-alright," she said softly, unable to keep from smiling at the look of complete happiness on his face. "What time?"

"Now!" he blurted. Curiously, his hands were squeezing her smaller ones before the mono-syllable left his mouth.

Kagome laughed uneasily. "We've got work, Kōga. How about seven?"

"Yeah, yeah, seven," he said with a nod, talking mostly to himself. It seemed as though he had not thought he'd get so far, and now was scrambling for ideas. She wondered if she should reschedule their date, but he had looked so happy, and she didn't want to take that away from him.

A few minutes later, one of the other employees opened the doors, and the customers came trickling in, mostly adults by themselves or mothers with very young children at this time of day. Kōga was typing frantically on his computer instead of greeting the customers as he usually did, and Kagome sighed. She had a bad feeling she might regret the decision before the night was over.

**O\o/O**

Kōga arrived half an hour early, banging on her door and calling out her name like the oblivious man in love he was. Thankfully, Kagome was already dressed and ready to go, courtesy of Sango who had needed to leave for work fifteen minutes ago but really wanted to dress her up so had forced her to get pretty far earlier than she needed to be. Forced into heels yet again, she just hoped she didn't make a fool out of herself or became irrationally nervous as she had last time. Kagome took a moment to assess herself in the hallway mirror, a habit she did mostly to quash any last-second nerves seeking to rattle her confidence, but she needn't have bothered. The nerves never came.

"Hi, Kōga!" she greeted. In a way, it was good that he was early. The sooner they left, the sooner the date would be over with and she could go to sleep or something. Now that she thought about it, she never did catch the end of Friends…

"Kagome," he said intimately, grabbing her hands and making her flinch internally. "You look beautiful."

"Uh, you too."

"I've got the best date ever planned. You'll be telling our grandkids about this one," he grinned, taking her by the hand and leading her outside.

"Cool," she muttered, noting his black ponytail reached almost mid-back and vaguely remembering much longer black hair.

His car still had that same overpowering air freshener scent, but this time she did not roll down the window. It had been rude of her in the first place to just do something like that without his approval, even if she had been feeling pretty nauseous. The queasiness returned a little, tickling the back of her throat, and she forced herself to think of Christmas, something that always calmed her down when she felt sick, though she didn't know the reason why. Maybe it was because she associated the holiday with cold and snow, even though she had lived her entire life in a Mediterranean climate.

"How was your day?" His tone was considerate, but she was still uneasy. Would she ever be able to be herself around any man but Inuyasha? The sudden thought strengthened her resolve. She had told him she would give Kōga a chance, and she meant it. She would know what it was like to be loved by a man who was able to give all of himself.

"It was good," she said, wondering why he asked when she had spent most of the day with him. "I missed you after work, though." Kagome placed her hand innocently on his knee, careful not to let it linger or go too high and give him certain expectations.

"R-really?" he asked, looking back at her for a full few seconds, making her wonder if she should ever touch him while he was driving. "I missed you, too. I miss you all day when you don't work. How about I give you some more hours? Pay included, of course."

It seemed like her boss was one of those people that ramble when flustered, something they had in common. The quirk made him seem a little more real to her and she smiled. "I'd like that."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. "I was thinking we could go to the drive-in, get some popcorn and soda or whatever. I know what people think drive-ins are for, and I just want you to know that I'm not going to try anything, alright? I don't want you to feel at all uncomfortable. It's a weeknight, anyway, and a lot of moms and kids will be there, so don't worry."

So he had picked up on her previous unease. It had to have been pretty hard to miss, after all. Maybe he wasn't as oblivious as she had thought him to be. She tried to swallow her guilt.

"Thank you, Kōga. You're very considerate. I'm glad I met you."

"Glad I met you too, babe."

She flinched at the pet name, and if he noticed, he didn't let on.

**O\o/O**

When the movie was over, they went bowling. When Kōga won the game, even after obviously trying to let her win, they went to dinner at some dive he said was the best, but which she found to be sub-par. After he finished talking to his aunt and uncle who ran the place and introduced her as his girlfriend, which took well over an hour, it was after midnight and she desperately wanted to go home and pass out. He definitely wasn't lying when he had said it was a date to tell her grandkids about, if she ended up having any. How could she ever forget the most tedious date she'd likely ever be on?

Let's face it, she thought to herself. She wasn't the prettiest girl on the block. She had gotten lucky with Inuyasha, her childhood friend. He liked her because she was comfortable and familiar. Then she'd gotten lucky when Kōga had felt sorry for her. His white knight complex had fooled him into thinking he was attracted to her. Would her luck continue, or would she still be going out man hunting at clubs with Sango when she was in her sixties? The image her brain conjured up at the thought, of her and Sango braless with their sagging breasts stuffed into matching sequined dresses, both of them wearing incredible amounts of mascara and yelling at each other even though there wasn't any music because they had both forgotten their hearing aid, made her heart hurt. The most horrifying part was that Sango would probably have been married several times over by then and she'd still be a virgin, maybe even waiting on Kikyo to succumb to her fibromyalgia so she could swoop in and finally be with Inuyasha. She shuddered. That was not what her life was supposed to be like. She had survived so much for what? Not so she could be with Inuyasha again, but so that she could really live.

The small bell above the door dinged as Kōga held the door for her, and she tried not to visibly shiver when the night air hit her skin. She had a feeling Kōga offering her his jacket would only make her feel worse.

Standing outside of his aunt's restaurant, she realized that she needed to kiss Kōga simply because he liked her and he wasn't Inuyasha.

"I was thinking we could grab some ice cream and then I know this place that does all night miniature golf—"

On the verge of hyperventilating, Kagome grabbed her boss by the collar of his shirt and clumsily kissed him somewhere in the general area of his mouth. Kōga righted the kiss and deepened it, turning it from just smacking their faces together into something real. She didn't bother resisting. She needed this. What took her by surprise was how good it felt. She thought only Inuyasha could make her feel like that, but apparently that wasn't true. Her sometimes awkward, sometimes arrogant, mostly too confident employer had quite the set of skills. Moaning without meaning to, she blushed and pulled away. The kiss had gone on longer than she had intended it to and had stirred some feelings in her that she was simply too tired to examine.

"I love you, Kagome," he whispered, kissing her cheek tenderly and lacing their fingers together. "I know it's kind of soon, but I'm not the kind of guy who's good at pretending. I love you."

"I..." she breathed, her heart beating like mad. "I should probably get back home. My roommate is kind of crazy and she doesn't like it when I'm out late." She almost cringed at how small her voice sounded in her ears.

He simply nodded, for which she was extremely grateful. She didn't think she could handle a long conversation about feelings. Still holding her hand, he walked her back to his car and drove her home in silence. Kagome would have been worried that he was mad at her or embarrassed at confessing his feelings, but he had a goofy smile on his face the entire drive back, so she didn't worry too much.

"Bye, Kōga!" she said, somewhat regretful she had not enjoyed their date more. He had probably spent a lot of money on it. Maybe she should have protested at going from place to place, but he had been so eager that she had not wanted to hurt his feelings. At least the meal was free.

She knew, though, that the only really memorable part of the entire evening was that staggering kiss he had laid on her. Kagome had thought that she was solving a problem, but hell, now she had one more.

**O\o/O**

It was Halloween, her favorite holiday. Even though she had more hours and therefore more money, she still didn't want to waste some of it on a costume, and she had neither the time nor the skills to make her own. Working at the shop was more fun on the holiday, though. All the little children came in their cute costumes, and she readily passed out candy and talked with them, and every hour on the hour she got to read a story of her choosing to a group of little princesses and witches and knights and ninjas. They were all so cute that she didn't even feel like she was working.

Since costumes were mandatory, she just dug through one of the old boxes Inuyasha had sent over full of her stuff, and she found her old school uniform. It was a little tighter and shorter than it had been before, but nothing too racy. Still, she got more than a few interested looks from bored fathers and a few glares from tired mothers. She felt bad, but it wasn't like she could change.

"How's my woman?" Kōga bellowed, making her stand straight up where previously she had been stocking the shelves. Did he not care what anyone else would think? She just walked into the shop, got a job, got more hours and less training than anyone else, and then he goes and says something like that!

"Uh, I'm doing good. Stocking the shelves. Your costume's nice. Is that an 80's new wave thing…?" she asked, looking at his weird fur skirt thing, fur vest, fur leg warmers, and headband. She wasn't sure it was appropriate to wear around children. The more she studied it, the weirder it became. Was that a tail in back?

He laughed, his blue eyes sparkling. "This is my traditional wolf garb. I never feel closer to my fellow wolves than when I wear our clothing."

Kagome laughed nervously. What was he going on about? "Um, are you a furry? Or otherkin or whatever."

During one of her lessons on the modern world with Sango, she had been shown tumblr, and was both exceptionally puzzled and horrified by everything that went on there.

Kōga just looked at her, baffled. "Huh?"

"Er, nothing," she muttered. He might be weird, but at least she hadn't frenched a basket case. "I'm going to take the trash out, okay? I'll be back in time to read to the kids."

"No, Kagome, let me do it," he said smoothly. "Can't have a beautiful woman do a man's job."

She was about to allow it, because who wants to smell like garbage when they don't have to, but one of the other employees came rushing in, out of breath.

"Kōga, oh my lord, Kōga, it's terrible!" he cried, his face scrunched up in agony. "Some kid dressed as Han Solo just pissed all over the latest shipment we hadn't gotten around to stocking yet! And I think he shit on your desk. It was either him or Mark."

Kōga's face paled and he clenched his fists. "Fucking Mark!" he growled, stalking off to the back.

Sighing, Kagome grabbed the giant bag that was mostly disposable paper cups from the free juice they'd been giving out and walked out the back to the dumpster, tossing the deceptively light bag up and over.

"Hey, little girl!"

Kagome looked around and saw a man in a bathrobe beckoning to her.

"Little girl, hey! Uh, I lost my puppy somewhere around here. Like, all my puppies."

"Oh no!" Kagome gasped. "How many puppies?" She had always loved animals, and the man reminded her a little of her grandfather.

"All of 'em! Can you help me look for them? I've been asking people for hours but none of them will help. My van's just around the corner."

She was about to make a remark on the state of the world, how bad it must be that no one would help find lost puppies, but then an unexpected appearance was made by the person she least wanted to see at that moment.

"Get fucking lost, you freak!" he yelled, punching the poor, puppy-less man in the face. The man fell to the pavement and his bathrobe split open, exposing his small, shriveled male parts. The man scrambled to his feet and ran away.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome screamed. "What the heck are you doing here and why did you hurt that guy?!"

Inuyasha glared at her, his dark eyes narrowing. Kagome tried not to stare as his hair fell about him, as thick and untamed as she always pictured it. "What the fuck are you doing here, anyway?"

"I'm working," she hissed, remembering the way he had just left her to walk home after breaking her heart. Somehow it was easier ignoring her ache for him when she was angry.

His eyes widened and he crossed the alley and grabbed her arms. "Holy shit, Kagome, if you needed money, all you had to do was ask. Is it so bad that you had to resort to this? Does Sango know? That bitch probably got you into this."

"Um, resort to what?"

"Selling yourself!" he scream/whispered, shaking her. "To creepy pervs who want to role play!"

"What's taking so long, Kagome?" Kōga walked out the back door and into the alley. She tried to smile at him and tell him everything was fine, but it was kind of hard with an angry Inuyasha in her face.

"Is this your pimp, huh? Your fucking sugar daddy?!" Inuyasha said, his voice gaining in volume.

"I'm not a prostitute!" she wailed, beyond embarrassed. But Inuyasha wasn't paying attention to her anymore.

"Hey, buddy, let her go. She needs to get back to work," Kōga said with forced calm, probably convinced that Inuyasha was seriously deranged.

Inuyasha let go of her and rounded on her poor boss, punching him right in the face, harder than he had hit the man who needed to find his puppies.

Kagome screamed, absolutely horrified and wondering if she was still employed. She ran to Kōga, who was sprawled on his back, knocked flat by the blow.

"Just leave, Inuyasha!" Kagome yelled as she tried to rouse her boss, who looked to be catatonic. Her crazed brother-in-law tried to grab her arm but she shook him off.

"No! I'm not leaving without you. I failed you before, but now I'm going to make things right. Don't try to protect this bastard!"

"I'm not a hooker, you goddamn idiot," she said from between clenched teeth. "It's freaking Halloween and I work at the bookstore! You've visited me before, remember?! Kōga's my boss, well, not anymore," she grumbled bitterly. She couldn't believe neither of them had recognized the other. They were both always in the store when she was there, even if they had never interacted.

That brought Kōga back to the land of the living. "You schtill have a job here ash long ash you want, Kaguhmeh," he slurred. "But dat moron friend of yoursh ish banned." He pointedly glared at Inuyasha's wedding ring.

Inuyasha stared at her, realization slowly setting in. "Oh shit. Ohhh shit. I thought you were supplementing your income or something. Shit."

Kagome rolled her eyes. "You aren't a very good stalker."

"I've been so busy lately. I haven't been looking after you like I should," he apologized, completely missing the point.

Surprisingly, Kagome found herself feeling actually hurt. He hadn't been following her as much as she'd thought. Was he getting tired of her? The quick, panicked beating of her heart surprised her with its intensity. Without another look at him, she nervously helped Kōga back through the door, apologizing profusely along the way.

"Hey, it's not your fault," he said softly, his speech back to normal. "Go back and read to the kids, hand out some cupcakes and juice and cookies. I've gotta go find Mark."

She nodded and did as she was told, thinking about Inuyasha all the while. Kagome read to the children distractedly, longing to hug and tickle and cover them with kisses, but Kōga didn't allow it because he didn't want a lawsuit. They were all just so cute, though! A strong urge to have a child came upon her so swiftly it took her breath away and made her falter in her reading. She was at least five or six years too young for that, she reasoned with herself. Even so, the feeling persisted. She really, really wanted a baby, and like _now_. A soft smile unknowingly made its way onto her face as she gazed down at the children at her feet, their sweetly captivated expressions enchanting her. She wanted a dozen, and one in every color.

A man sat down among the children as though he were one of them, and when she saw who it was, she agreed. Kagome glared at Inuyasha, whose face was also captivated, and not by the tale of the beautiful pig princess, Pigcess, but by her. She finished reading in a quavering voice, her heart beating so hard she could feel it in every part of her body, and the kids scampered off to their tired, unappreciative parents, almost all of them single, working mothers.

"You're not supposed to be here," she hissed at him.

Inuyasha smirked and scooted closer to her feet. "I can come in anytime I want. I made some calls and found out Taisho Inc. sponsors this place. We're their main support. I can do whatever the fuck I want."

Kagome sighed. How was it that he always managed to invade every facet of her life, even unintentionally?

"Just don't push it, Inuyasha. Kōga's a wonderful man and he doesn't need the problems you'd cause."

"I would have given you a job had you just asked," he said, looking sad.

"You told me not to work."

"Well, if you had insisted, I would have done it! Just tell me and I'll fire my secretary."

"Inuyasha, that's terrible! And I don't have the appropriate experience. It wouldn't be a good investment on your part."

"You'll learn! I'll teach you." At her fed up look, he pleaded, "Please, Kagome! You'd make like twice as much or more, and we could see each other every day, an—"

"No! I don't want to be around you anymore. I need to be on my own now." Inuyasha looked crushed, taken aback, completely wounded, and so many other bad things that he had no right to be when he was married and had hurt her so badly. "Why not get Kikyo be your secretary? Just tell her what you told me. It would solve all your guys' problems."

Inuyasha grabbed her ankle and squeezed, looking torn between rage and heartbreak. "How many goddamn motherfucking times am I going to have to tell you?! I don't want her! Not for my secretary, not for my wife, not for a single fucking thing. I want you."

She stood up, afraid they were making a scene, but no one was looking at them. "I don't want you," she whispered. "I can't!" Kagome closed her eyes against the sight of him, against the pleading amethyst of his eyes, against the tears that came unbidden at seeing the pain she saw in them. Pain she had set there.

He shot to his feet and embraced her. "Don't say that," he murmured, infuriating and dear in the way he seemed to read her so easily. "You're just confused right now, I get it. Remember our plan?"

"What plan?" she said miserably, her arms around him in spite of everything. "You just talk and talk at me. You don't even wait for an answer."

Inuyasha released her and caught, enveloped her wavering gaze with his. "Do you really believe that?"

"I don't care who you are, but you can't act like this, much less talk like this in a place with children," Kōga broke in. Kagome looked at him guiltily, wondering how much he had heard. "Kagome, tell your friend to leave."

She crossed her arms uncomfortably and said to her shoes, "I'm sorry, Inuyasha, but you have to go. I need to get back to work."

She glanced up at him and, looking at her with all the betrayal in the world, he stalked off without another word. Kagome felt her stomach clench in response. Inuyasha had just looked so forlorn. Following him to the door, she tried to make it look like she was working by organizing books on the way.

Without facing her, in a low, quiet voice, too muted for the screeching children to hear, he said, "Meet me after work. I'll wait in the alley for you."

And then he was gone.

Heart still beating rapidly, she looked around for Kōga, not wanting him to catch the other man's words. When he had caught sight of Inuyasha's prominent wedding ring back in the alley, the look in his eyes was surprised, bemused and very disapproving, all directed at her, she knew it. Kagome wanted to meet with Inuyasha, but even though her boss had said she'd always have a job at the store, she didn't want to wear out her welcome, which was a very real possibility when your married ex came to your work and punched out your boss/maybe boyfriend. She decided not to think on his invitation and instead genuinely concentrate on work, reading to the new group of children with a kind of energy that bordered on anger, clipping her words and enunciating them. The kids looked at her with furrowed brows, but as long as there were treats, there would be no complaints.

The rest of the day passed slowly, with her checking her watch every five minutes like it was some sort of OCD tick. Kōga, probably somewhat annoyed by her nervous actions and poor performance, finally sighed in exasperation and, slamming the box of books he had been stocking right to the ground, said, "Just take off, Kagome. Do whatever you want tonight, but God help you."

Embarrassed yet relieved, she replied, "Thank you so much. For everything."

She left out the back entrance, right to the alley, her heart pumping much faster than it should have been considering that she had not run very far. It was dark between buildings, with no artificial light and the sun having set just moments ago. Squinting, she tried to force her eyes to adjust. Where was he? He had said he'd wait for her. Was he actually tired of waiting for her to pay attention to him? Kagome suddenly felt very scared, and was very aware of how alone she was, how exposed, how dark the alley was. It had seemed like no big deal when she had thought Inuyasha would be there waiting for her, but he wasn't and now it was. A chill breeze wrapped around her, reminding her of how inappropriate her costume was.

Where was he?

**O\o/O**

Two hours.

She had waited two hours before she finally admitted to herself that he wasn't coming. Going back inside the store in defeat, she avoided Kōga and called Sango, who was glad to get away from the party she was at. She arrived in under five minutes, sporting a new dent on the back bumper of her car. Her face making it very clear she did not want to talk, Kagome opened the passenger door, surprised to see that her friend wore a very similar expression. Now they had to talk.

"What happened to you?" she muttered in her grumpiest voice.

Sango grunted. "Not one of those fuckers at the party hit on me. And you know what? I was the oldest person there. By like two months, but still. I'm dressed as a dominatrix, for fuck's sake! I would have gone home with anybody! But fuck that now. Now I hate the world." Kagome eyed her friend uneasily. She did not want another repeat of the "tooth brush" incident. "Anyway," Sango continued, "What's up with you? Have you been crying?"

Wiping her face discreetly, Kagome responded, "No! Well, maybe. But he just... He wasn't there, Sango."

"Inuyasha?"

She nodded and a sob escaped. "He said he'd be there and he wasn't. He wasn't! He's tired of me. We're done, I know it."

"Aw, baby," Sango cooed sympathetically. "Come on, we need cookie sundaes."

Their favorite coffee shop that they'd discovered just a month before Kagome's accident still stood in the same place, but looked a little newer with all the renovations they'd done. They got out of the car and held hands, neither of them even remotely caring what anyone else would think, just needing to be close to someone else, the only other person in the world that they were sure of. Fleetingly, Kagome wished she were a lesbian, then thought better of it. Even if she was gay, she wouldn't touch Sango with a ten-foot pole. Maybe a one night thing, or a short fling, but even that was pushing it. The girl tended to get pretty crazy when it came to relationships. Shaking her head and resolving not to think about that ever again, she placed her order for a coffee and a hot fudge chocolate chip cookie sundae, Sango doing the same. They received their orders from a freckle-faced teen that Kagome was trying really hard not to hate, and went to sit down at a table far in the corner.

No sooner than they had sat down than they were approached by a very familiar man not wearing a costume.

"Hello, beautiful," he said smoothly, directing the greeting at Sango. "My name's Miroku." He leaned over Sango and brushed her high ponytail out of the way before sticking his fingers down the back of her tight costume. "What's this? Made in heaven, of course."

Sango elbowed him in the gut. "Step off, bitch!" she yelled at full volume, startling everyone in the shop. Kagome stared along with the other patrons, mortified but understanding.

"How about I take you out for coffee sometime?" he wheezed, a hand on his stomach. Kagome didn't know whether to be impressed at how casually he took her friend's abuse or afraid for the life of this obviously brain-addled masochist.

"We're already in a coffee shop," She muttered.

"I don't like coffee," Sango said, stuffing about half of her melty dessert into her mouth and washing it down with a sip of her latte.

Kagome rolled her eyes.

"Well, what do you like?" Miroku said smoothly, leaning one hand on their table and keeping the other on his stomach for protection. "It can be anything." It was when he wiggled his eyebrows that Kagome started to wonder if she should warn him of the doom he was about to bring down on himself.

Sango just glared at him, not as accepting of his antics as she probably would have been had she had a better night. "Pussy, and my friend here is my main supplier."

Kagome gaped at her. Miroku sputtered and then looked at Kagome for the first time, his eyes widening in recognition.

"You!" Turning back to Sango, he whined, "That's a dude! Come on, just give me one chance!"

The rest of Sango's patience frayed and snapped in a rush of air as she whirled on him and raised her arm and he flinched back, staring at her mournfully before leaving the place altogether. A four-year old in a Wonder Woman tutu three tables over stared at her like someone just confirmed the Easter Bunny was real. Sango didn't ask Kagome about the strange man's comment, for which Kagome was grateful. The two young women spent the rest of their outing discreetly crying into their sundaes, ignoring the stares and whispers aimed at them.


	8. Whole Again

**Chapter Eight: Whole Again**

**(Love Song by The Cure)**

**Note: Thanks to BashiYami for cleaning this thing up and making it a hundred times better!**

It had been a week and two days since Halloween. A week and two days of not knowing where she stood with him. Kagome wanted to call, wanted to drop by the shrine even more, but something held her back. The message had been pretty darn clear. Inuyasha said he'd wait, and then he hadn't. Simple. He wised up and realized he had married Kikyo for a reason. The lack of contact on his part just pulled everything together in one big obvious clusterbomb of rejection. Maybe, though, just maybe if they avoided each other long enough, the feelings would fade. Maybe one day she could pass him in the street and just smile and nod and not want to kiss him or cry or both.

"Lilies today for my beautiful woman," Kōga said smoothly, sliding the bouquet into the vase already filled with water.

Kagome smiled weakly at him. "Thank you, they're lovely."

"Not as lovely as you." Though the words were cliché, his face radiated genuine love and concern, and suddenly she wanted to cover her face or his eyes so he would not read her. "Chin up, Kagome. It'll get better."

"Mmmhmm." She tried to muster a convincing smile.

Her hands tightened on the hardcover edition of "Little Boy Wolf", the colorful characters on the cover beeming confidently up at her from Kōga's self-published tome. Why was she always so obvious?

Either Kōga had talked to them or her fellow employees sensed her mood, and everyone steered clear of her for the entire work day. Even the customers knew something was off, like she had a visible dark cloud above her raining cold wet misery on her head. She tried to smile and welcome people as they came into the shop, but she could feel it looked more like a grimace. Screaming internally, she glanced at the clock. She had five minutes until her lunch break. Maybe she could convince Kōga to let her take off for the rest of the day. Kagome didn't want to take advantage of his feelings for her, but she thought it might be better for business if the customers didn't have a creepy woman baring her teeth at them right as they walked through the door. Stifling another sigh, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and tried to re-read over the inventory list she was supposed to be checking. Again.

"Kagome?"

Startled, she whipped around to face... _him._

His voice had been so soft, so unlike how it usually was. It scared her. " _..._ Inuyasha?" The rush of air that left her lungs with his name seemed to take with it some of the tension she didn't even realize she had. She wanted to say that name again.

"I need to tell you something. Can we… Do you have time to talk?"

She nodded. He looked worse than she did. Maybe he had a reason for not being there. An image of Kikyo dead or dying came to her mind, and she felt sick at how hopeful she had felt for a second.

"It's my lunch break right now. We can get something to eat if you want. I'll treat."

He nodded, not meeting her eyes. "I'll drive."

Waving to Kōga to let him know she was going out on break, she followed Inuyasha to his car, her heart feeling heavy. He had looked so disturbed, sounded so depressed. Did he really not want her anymore? Her heart clenched in her chest. That was the worst thing she could imagine. Kagome knew for sure then, more certain than anything, that she needed him, she needed Inuyasha. What was the point of coming back from the brink of death if she couldn't be with him? She had tried to tell herself being alive and getting a second chance was more than enough, a veritable miracle, but this miracle was a punishment if he wasn't by her side belonging to her completely as he was meant to be. Glancing at Inuyasha, noting how stiff his posture was, how hard he was gripping the steering wheel, she made up her mind.

She wasn't going to lose him. Not again.

"Pull into the Taco Bell lot," she said, her voice sounding too loud in his car. Grimacing, he did as she asked. He had never liked spicy or fast foods, but that wouldn't matter right now. He moved to get up, but she placed a trembling hand on his. "Let's talk here."

Inuyasha sighed and instead leaned his head back, closing his eyes, seemingly reluctant to begin. She waited patiently, and he finally started.

"Do you hate me?"

Shaking her head emphatically, she replied, "No! Never. I could never."

"This would be so much better if you hated me." She chose to ignore that, and after a short pause, he continued. "I hate myself. I've hated myself ever since you weren't around to love me anymore. You should hate me, too."

"I don't care about Kikyo anymore!" she said solemnly, meaning every word. "I only care about you and me."

A grim smile twisted his lips. "I'm not talking about Kikyo. I could have s _aved_ you, Kagome. I could have saved you and you never would have been hurt. I was right fucking there and I didn't do anything but watch, just because I was afraid."

Her brow furrowed. "Afraid of what, Inuyasha? There was nothing you could have done. You were too far away, behind the fence and everything. And even if you were closer, you would have been in my place and I would have been the one suffering without you."

He just shook his head. She put her hand on his knee, encouraging him, but he pushed her away. Narrowing her eyes, she resolved not to let him speak. If he didn't say anything, nothing would happen. They could stay the same, they could have a future.

"I love you, Inuyasha. I need you. I don't care about anything else."

"No," he whispered, his eyes closing again, shutting tight. "Don't say that, please don't do this."

Words were just making things worse. What he needed right now was to be touched. He always communicated better through actions, always understood actions better. A silent kiss to the cheek was what had begun their relationship in the first place, anyway. Unbuckling her seat belt, she reached over and unbuckled his as well, crawling onto his lap. Inuyasha half-heartedly tried to push her away, but there was minimal resistance. He wanted this. He wanted her. Pressing soft kisses to his closed mouth, she reached down and fumbled with the levers on the side of the seat, bringing it back and giving herself space to work, ensuring her butt wouldn't wind up honking the horn. Finally, he began to kiss back, and his arms went around her, bringing her body closer to his own. His kisses were soft and loving as well, but with a desperate quality to them, his lips trembling underneath hers. She stopped kissing him and just held him, her enveloping warmth taking in his need, his desperation, his _pain_ , and giving none of it back. She felt her heart crack at how tightly his hands fisted at her back, hopelessly trying not to break, or be broken.

"I love you, Inuyasha. Only you, now, then, and forever. Let me show you."

Placing one last, lingering kiss to his lips, she kissed both his cheeks, his forehead, along his eyebrows, his eyelids, his nose, his ears. They were both smiling now, and she hoped that he felt the same overwhelming, almost too precious love bursting somewhere close to her heart like she did. Kagome was blushing, filled with emotion. She wanted to laugh and cry and sing and dance.

"Kagome—Are we…?" he asked hesitatingly, his eyes unguarded and full of love and hope.

"Yes," she whispered, unable to keep herself from kissing him again, seeking out his tongue and playing with it.

A new energy filled the car, and their breathing grew heavier. He unbuttoned her shirt reverently, thoroughly caressing each newly revealed patch of skin with his fingertips before moving on to the next, his mouth staying on hers. Finally, her shirt was completely unbuttoned, and she pulled away from him, shrugging it off. His large hands cupped and teased her over the satin of her bra, his fingers dancing around her nipples but never touching. She reached back behind herself and unhooked the bra, letting him pull it the rest of the way off. It was the first time he had ever seen them in a well-lit place, and his admiration was obvious. Wetting his lips, he kissed both straining pink tips with reserved adoration before bringing his head back up, his eyes blazing as he looked at her.

"I think we'd be more comfortable in the backseat."

Smiling she crawled over him and into the backseat, not objecting to the way his hands passed over her body as she did so, for once unashamed. He crawled in after her, accepting her teasing touches as he pushed and pulled and finally got the seats to go all the way down, giving them a makeshift, somewhat uncomfortable bed, but one that would thoroughly serve their purpose. Facing her hesitantly, not seeing any regret in her eyes, Inuyasha removed his shirt, and Kagome was on him again, kissing down his chest and torso, playing with the beaded necklace he always wore, feeling him quiver beneath her soft, loving touch. His hands found her breasts again and she gasped as he expertly began to pinch and roll her nipples, rubbing and tugging at them. He removed her pants, taking her underwear with them, before he took off his own, flinging them both to the front seat and making them hit the window.

Before she knew it, she was on her back, not knowing whether he had done it or she had. Inuyasha had a feral look on his face which excited her, and he gave her a hard, deep, penetrating kiss before he dragged his tongue down to her breasts, licking and covering them with kisses. She moaned softly and stroked his dark hair, marveling at its length and softness, so much like hers. Greedily, he sucked her nipples into his mouth, one of his hands moving southward to her most secret place that not even he had ever touched directly.

"It's gonna hurt the first few times, Kagome," he explained, kissing every part of her he could. "I'll be gentle."

"It doesn't matter. Just love me, Inuyasha," she whispered into his hair, bringing him back up so he could kiss her.

Their lips remained plastered together as he felt around, probing her and positioning himself. She squirmed underneath him. Her body was so hot, and she needed him to be inside her, to fill her, to make her whole. Kagome bucked her hips up and he took the hint, removing his fingers from where they had been exploring, rubbing the head of his cock against her, bumping it against her clit, smiling when she gasped and moaned. And then he entered her. Kagome cried out and clasped him to her, her eyes going to his. For a second, she thought they were gold, but then he began to move and she realized it had just been the autumn sunlight.

Sex didn't hurt as much as she had thought it would. It actually felt utterly amazing. He was reaching places inside of her she had not known existed, and she felt only minimal uncomfortableness as he stretched her, which was quickly overwhelmed by the aching, beautiful pleasure. Each movement was done with infinite love and passion, and he kissed her again, transmitting his need for her with the contact.

Her orgasm crept up on her, and she could barely hold a coherent thought. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes that they were joined. She hadn't prepared for anything like that. Over and over again, she had told herself there would be pain, but she had not even considered entertaining ideas of the swelling, burning goodness he had created that was now spreading through her.

Kagome broke the kiss, her whimpers and whines increasing in volume. It was all too much, too, too much. Tears streaked down her temples and into her hair. Knowing instinctively what she was feeling, Inuyasha quickened his pace, himself being brought almost closer than he could manage after witnessing her reactions.

"Oh god, oh Inuyasha!" she sang, her voice thin, high, and shaky, foreign to her own ears. Her body was so hot, everything in her was straining, and she felt lightheaded. She couldn't even think anymore. "I need—I love you, oh, I _love_ you!"

She came then, clenching around him, her orgasm so powerful that even her arms were twitching and her gut hurt. Inuyasha let out a surprised cry and came inside of her, falling onto her and nuzzling the side of her neck, licking it and biting at it like an animal as he continued to twitch inside of her. The sensation prolonged her orgasm and she continued to shed tears and hold him closer. Later Inuyasha came back to earth not knowing how much time had passed, and he separated from her, landing on his side. Kagome snuggled into him and he lazily draped an arm around her, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm gonna leave Kikyo," he said steadily. "I'm gonna leave her as soon as I can. Just give her a big check and move out."

The sunlight streaming in through the windows illuminated his form, making him look like he was sculpted. She stiffened. It was broad daylight and she had let him see her scars, he had touched her back when she crawled into the backseat, ran his hands over the discolored, roughened, flawed flesh. How had he found it within himself to continue to make love to her? She knew most people would want some sort of loving speech filled with pretty words to soothe their fears and reassure them, but his silence said everything. His silence comforted her more than any words ever could, and really confirmed that it was a non-issue for him. In that moment, Kagome couldn't love Inuyasha more. Also, had anyone seen them copulate in a freaking Taco Bell parking lot? She cursed herself. She should have directed him to a different, more romantic location. Pretty much anything would have been better.

"I wish we could keep the shrine," she murmured. She thought it best not to share how guilty she felt. He had said repeatedly how incredibly unhappy he had been in his marriage. The only thing she could do now was live the life she had been meant to live.

"We probably can. She hates it there, anyway. Says it's too quiet, and she doesn't like living so close to the graves."

"And then we can live there together," she murmured, kissing his chest. "Eat together, sleep together, be together."

He smiled. "You can quit your job and work for me. And after a while, we can travel. We can go anywhere and everywhere. I'll get the time off and we can get married somewhere beautiful."

"Sounds like a plan," she said softly. "But now I have to get back to work." She felt energetic and wanted to get back and make up for her poor performance that morning.

Inuyasha groaned. "Got what you wanted and now you're going to just walk out and break my heart?" he joked.

"Don't hate the player, baby, hate the game," she laughed as she put her clothes back on, savoring the feeling of his seed still inside her and on her skin. She never wanted to wash.

"I've got to get back, too. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," she said dreamily. Since when had tomorrow become such a beautiful word? Kagome felt the familiar pull of his lips and she surrendered. A new, lazy sort of warmth twining through her that she decided she could get used to. Sighing, she broke away, aware that if they went any further she might never let him leave the car again.

Inuyasha held her hand the entire drive back and Kagome had never felt more loved. She had done it. She had lost her virginity, and to Inuyasha, too. The only thing blunting her mood was that she wasn't his first as well. Shrugging the creeping negativity off, she consoled herself with the fact that she had been the only one to really have his heart. The soul mattered infinitely more than the flesh. He surprised her when he pulled her hand to kiss the inside of her wrist before she wordlessly stepped onto the sidewalk, her heart still hammering as she watched his car pull away.

When she entered the shop, Hojo was waiting for her, standing right by the door, juggling a stack of books.

"Kagome!" he said, delighted. "They said you'd be back ten minutes ago."

She blushed. "Sorry, I lost track of time. Those for your nieces and nephews?"

"Yup! They just love the stories you guys have here. I can't find them anywhere else."

Smiling, she walked over to the registers, scanning his books and bagging them, glad for the weight in her hands when the rest of her felt like it could just float away. "That'll be $51.08."

He took out his wallet and counted out the bills. "You know, I always thought you were beautiful. I was just too shy to approach you back in high school," he said with a sheepish grin. "But I'm not a kid anymore. What do you say to a dinner date with me?"

Stunned, Kagome didn't know how to react. So she just cleared her throat and handed him the paper bag of books, losing her anchor.

"Uh, sorry, Hojo! I would love to hang out as friends, but I have a boyfriend."

His expression changed subtly, hardening, probably to conceal his embarrassed disappointment. "Oh. Your boss?"

She laughed nervously. "No, though we are good friends. It's same old, same old with me. Inuyasha's always been the one." Smiling fondly, she pictured his face, wondered when they would find time to be intimate again.

"Isn't he married to your sister?"

Kagome choked. "Uh, i-is there anything else you need, Hojo?"

The tall man just looked at her, understanding in his eyes. After a while, he shook his head. "No thanks. I just have to say, I thought you were better than that. Guess I thought wrong."

Her happiness fled.


	9. The Morning After You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: So a lot of you are getting pretty down on Inuyasha, which is understandable. However, think about things. How would it look if he left Kikyo so soon after his ex-girlfriend recovered? He does love her, in a way, and wants their relationship to have a more natural ending with the least amount of pain possible, just ease into it. Plus, he mentioned he could get in trouble at his job and possibly lose it or any progress he's made once the word gets out. Inuyasha has consistently tried to prove to Kagome that he loves her and they will be together, even to the point of neglecting his job and wife. That shows intent, and the fact that he does not immediately leave Kikyo is him just being uncharacteristically cautious to show just how important him and Kagome's future happiness is.

**Chapter Nine: The Morning After You**

**(The Morning After by Meg Myers)**

Kōga avoided her all day, which he had never done before. It was like he somehow _knew_ what she had done. It suddenly occurred to her: had she cheated on Kōga? They had kissed, dated, he had confessed his love for her sincerely. True, she had never agreed to anything, but he had been calling her his girlfriend and his woman for weeks and she hadn't even addressed it. It had just made her so uncomfortable that she hadn't known how to react, so she did nothing, which was probably not the best course of action, now that she thought about it. Was he hurt? Was she fired?

_What had happened to her life?_

Feeling low, she walked home, ignoring Sango on top of Miroku on the couch. Kagome didn't know how, but they had somehow hooked up a few days ago and now they were sort of an item. There had been no opportunity for her to carefully express her disgust for the man to Sango and now the moment had passed forever. She and the crazy pervert had silently agreed to a truce, which consisted mostly of just pretending the other didn't exist and not mentioning their disastrous date. Sticking to the rules of the truce, she checked her messages on the landline, trying to listen to them over the moans and smacking noises the new couple was making.

"Kagome?" Her breath caught in her throat. Kikyo! Had she found out? "I really hope I got the right number. I was just thinking about you and wanted to get together. How does lunch sound? Meet me at that taco place on Nineteenth Street tomorrow at 12:30. _BEEEP. END OF FINAL MESSAGE._ "

"Holy snap," she whispered to herself.

Kikyo wanted to have lunch! Her voice sounded like it used to, when they were younger and she had braided her hair instead of putting gum in it, before Kagome had entered school and Kikyo had been her only playmate and a good portion of her world. Catching herself before she became too excited, she remembered what she had done just that afternoon with her brother-in-law. No, she couldn't go. Or maybe she had to. She bit her lip. She knew what Inuyasha would say, to steer clear of Kikyo until the divorce. But she wanted to see her. And wouldn't a good relationship with her sister be more of a cover, make it harder for her to find out until the time was right? It would just make things easier, really.

She decided to sleep on it.

Kagome dreamed about Inuyasha, about their rendezvous. In her mind, they weren't in the back of his car in the Taco Bell parking lot in broad daylight during lunch hour, but instead on a beach, tasting the salt on one another's skin. The sun warmed them like they were gods and they had created it for their own pleasure out of their unfathomable and everlasting love. Then somehow they were merpeople and her mother and grandfather were alive and they captured them and put her and Inuyasha in an aquarium, feeding them fish flakes and soda by pouring them by the gallon into their tank. The absurdity woke her up and she realized she had slept until noon, which was alright since she didn't have work that day. Rushing through her morning routine, she jogged to Nineteenth Street, sweating and ruining the bit of make-up she had put on. But there were more important things to concern herself with at the moment.

"Kikyo!" she called out when she saw her, waving like a lunatic.

Her sister simply smiled and gestured for her to join her at the outdoor table. She already had a bowl of guacamole and basket of chips, and it appeared she had eaten most of them already. Sitting down across from her in a rickety wicker chair, Kagome just continued to smile and attempt to catch her breath, the combined effect probably being a little creepy, but she couldn't help herself. She was just happy. Even though her happiness was at the cost of her sister's, the feeling still persisted.

"Did you eat already? Am I late?"

"No, no, it's alright. I already ordered us some shrimp tacos. Those are the best."

Kagome beamed. Kikyo just sounded so _casual_. She couldn't remember the last time she had heard her sound so relaxed, so content.

"What inspired you to want to get together with me?" she asked, leaning forward and putting her elbows on the table in her curiosity.

She sighed, not quite unhappily. "Kagome, I know we haven't had the best relationship. Since I was young, I blamed you for the way Mother was towards me, ignoring everything else. I realized a long time ago how wrong I was, but the habit of resentment was hard to break."

"Kikyo, I'm so sorry," Kagome broke in. Truly, she had felt guilty her entire life that she was the obvious favorite.

She shook her head, sleek hair moving like water around her shoulders. "Don't be. I am no longer a child, and I refuse to mindlessly go about filled with hatred like I did before. I'm a new person. I've changed." Her face seemed lighter, and she looked somehow younger.

"Wow," Kagome stated, observing her sister's serenity. "You've found peace. Did you take up yoga or meditating?"

Kikyo laughed. "Something far more drastic." She leaned forward and her eyes flashed with glee. "You're going to be an aunt!"

The world stopped.

Her ears rang.

She was hot and cold at the same time.

Oxygen fled.

The older woman's smile faltered. "Look, I know things were bad when you woke up. I said some regrettable things, and I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I didn't take into consideration how scared you must have been, how hurt you were." There were tears of guilt in her eyes. "I was jealous and selfish. But I need my sister, Kagome. I need my family, and so does my baby."

Managing to force a smile, she took a chip and dunked it into the guacamole, where it promptly broke in half. She left it there.

"Does Inuyasha know?" She hoped she sounded casual. Happy for her.

Relieved, Kikyo laughed. "Yes, of course. He was the first! I told him on Halloween while he was working late. It seemed fitting that he was so frightened! But most men are that way with their first child. He'll get used to it by the time the baby's born." Kagome couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. "I'm about three months along. We won't find out whether it's a boy or a girl for another couple of months, but I really hope it's a boy. Girls are just so difficult."

"Was this… planned?" Her voice was no more than a breath.

"Yes and no!" she said brightly, practically gushing her maternal, wifely joy all over the dinky table. "We talked about children when we first got married, and he said that he wanted a family, but not anytime in the near future. At first, I didn't want kids either, maybe not ever. I was just happy to be with him. But when you woke up, I thought it was a sign. A miracle happened. You came back from the almost dead, and now I needed to bring forth life. He and I are still very young, but I think it's better this way. Now I get to be the hot mom," she finished with a satisfied smirk.

Kagome just knew her smile was frightening, but she kept it on anyway. "That's so wonderful, Kikyo! So beautiful. Congratulations."

Her eyes were dreamy. "If it is a boy, I'm definitely naming him after Inuyasha. If it's a girl, I'm naming her after me. I always thought that was so cute."

"Wow," she repeated. "That's so amazing. Um, I just remembered that Kōga asked me to come in today. Maybe I can get one of those books that were written for babies in the womb for you to read out loud. They're supposed to be really sweet."

Kikyo smiled. "That would be lovely. I'm sorry you couldn't stay! But the way I'm feeling, I could definitely manage to eat your share of tacos as well as my own. This baby is a glutton, just like his father."

Kagome hugged her sister goodbye, sensing that she was more than a little hurt by her abrupt exit. Over and over again, she told herself that it wasn't Kikyo's fault. She shouldn't hate Kikyo. She shouldn't hate the life blossoming within her. She told herself that over and over and over even as she crawled under her bed in Sango's apartment, crying with sobs that wracked her entire body, screaming until the neighbors banged on the walls. She fell asleep there, surrounded by dust and salty tears. Only the darkness soothed her wounded soul, comforting her anguish. It was familiar. It was the last six years of her life.

Sometime during the night, she woke to an uncomfortable wet stickiness between her legs, knowing what it was by the faint smell before she reached down a hand and brought it closer to her face. Blood. Her period was right on schedule. Reaching out from underneath the bed, she grabbed the box of tissues she kept there in case of tears and made herself a makeshift pad, which she didn't quite need since the flow was so light. Still half asleep, she awoke from her silly dreams. There was no baby, there would never be a baby, not for her.

Kagome was alone.


	10. Being Young and Feeling Old

**Chapter Ten: Being Young and Feeling Old**

**(Empty Bones by The Growlers)**

**Note: I feel like rambling a bit. Do you guys hate filling out government/official forms? Like, my family is Spanish/French and I grew up in a bilingual household (Spanish and English), and on the forms for pretty much anything they have the choices "Hispanic/Latino (non-white)" and "White (Non-Hispanic)" or whatever and I'm just kinda fed up with that. I always pick "Decline to state" anyway, but geez.**

A frantic knocking woke her, sounding more like an attack than a request for entrance. Kagome slid out from under the bed, feeling all the aches and pains in her screaming muscles from sleeping curled up in the tight space. Thinking Sango had forgotten her keys yet again, she trudged to the door. No sooner did she unlock the door than it flew open, nearly hitting her in the face. She jumped back to avoid a broken nose just in time.

"Inuyasha!" she gasped.

The sight of him on her doorstep brought everything crashing back. He had lied to her, had turned her from a virgin into a whore in one movement, had broken her heart so thoroughly she was having a hard time even breathing. Quickly, she slammed the door, wordlessly screaming to avoid hearing him. He fought back, also screaming, saying things she didn't want to hear and couldn't make out anyway. After a battle that lasted a few seconds but seemed like a lifetime, she stumbled back and Inuyasha strode inside, closing and locking the door behind him. Kagome turned to run, sobbing involuntarily, wanting to go back to her room, the darkness under the bed, the nothingness of her coma. Before she could get to her room, he embraced her from behind, pinning her arms to her side and keeping her body close to his. She screamed, thrashed, kicked, stomped, but he continued to hold her. Finally, out of breath, she slumped over, defeated, and he turned her around in his arms.

"I thought you chose _me,_ I thought you loved me," she cried brokenly into his neck, despising the whining sound of her voice. Kikyo never whined, even when her life was all sorts of unfair.

"I do!" he said earnestly, cradling her in his arms, hugging her tightly. Like nothing was wrong.

"Then why?"

Inuyasha sighed, and it came out shuddering. "I wanted to tell you, Kagome. I was going to. I was so scared. That's why I didn't meet you on Halloween, and it took me a while to man up and resolve to tell you the truth. Even though I was afraid you'd hate me, I was going to do the right thing, I was really going to. But then you invited me to lunch and we were… together." He pulled away from her, still holding onto her shoulders, his face peering into hers, his own tears in his eyes. "I wanted, _needed_ to be with you so badly that I gave in to you. And it felt right."

His words almost got her, soothed her, calmed her, but then she remembered. Slapping his hands away, she said, "You said that you didn't even touch her after I woke up. You told me!"

The eyes that had looked at her so lovingly just yesterday turned away from her. "I broke down, okay?! You were acting like you didn't even want me, and it hurt so fucking much. It was only a few times." His voice quavered and he was openly crying as well, wiping his tears away in embarrassment. "She's my _wife_ , Kagome. She was there for me when all you wanted was to move on and forget me. I didn't think I had a chance with you anymore."

Putting a hand to the side of her face, she felt her tears. Why was she always so stupid? "The rest of the world moved on and forgot me, not the other way around. Even you. I thought we were finally going to be together again—"

"We are!" She looked at him in confusion and disbelief. "This changes nothing! It's just gonna be a little harder is all."

"No!" she yelled, surprising even herself. "No. Do _not_ tell me you are going to abandon not only my sister, your wife, but my little niece or nephew as well. You're going to have a baby, Inuyasha! A _baby_." Her voice broke on the last word and became quiet. "Don't be that man, Inuyasha. Don't be the man who runs."

"Well, that's the plan." She knew he was trying to sound casual, sure of himself, but the shakiness in his voice told her how he really felt.

Kagome sank to the couch, her knees suddenly weak. "I can't believe you," she whispered after a few moments. "How did you change this much? How?"

"I fucking love you!" he yelled, sounding angry at himself and at her. Did he even want to love her anymore, or was he as attached to the past, their past of happiness and no responsibilities, as she was? His voice then turned absolutely miserable, pleading. "I'm tired of being unhappy all the time, Kagome. I'm tired of being angry." His dark eyes begged her to understand. "I'm only happy when I'm with you. Why can't I be happy for once?"

Doing her best to make her voice sound cold, she responded, "You made your choice when you lost your virginity to Kikyo while I was dying in a hospital. Now live with it. Go back to her and be a good husband and father. I don't think we should see each other for a while."

"No!" he said in a strangled, teary voice. Inuyasha looked horrified, like his worst nightmare was playing out in his waking life.

She felt like she was dying inside, and she welcomed the feeling. While he was distracted by his own grief, she took the opportunity to go to her room, locking the door behind her, sending up a prayer that he wouldn't do something stupid and try to break the door down. Soon enough, he was angrily fiddling with the door knob and pounding on the door.

"Don't be like this! This isn't the fucking end, Kagome! There's not gonna be an end to us."

Holding a pillow to her face so he wouldn't hear her cry and she wouldn't say anything back, she heard him struggle and curse for a while before giving up and walking away, slamming the front door behind him.

**O/\o/\O**

It was incredibly hard for her to go to work the next day and smile at the customers, accept another unwanted bouquet from her sadly persistent employer. Her day was spent mechanically pointing out certain books and sections, telling people what were the best sellers, and stopping children from eating the scented pages some of the books had. When Hojo showed up, it was a blessed relief, his familiar face soothing her somewhat.

Giving no salutations, without being prompted, she said, "I broke up with Inuyasha." She wanted him to tell her it was the right choice, to be proud of her, to tell her that her decision was the right one and even though she felt like she was a rag doll held together with bits of gum, it would get better soon.

Hojo beamed at her, and then attempted to look sad, which made her laugh a little. "An occasion like that deserves to be celebrated! How about I take you to dinner?"

Her smile weakened and disappeared. "Um, I'm not so sure—"

"One moment, I got you something!" His eyes were shining and he looked incredibly happy.

"Uh, okay?"

Hojo ran out to his car, which was visible from her position in the store, bringing a large cardboard box with him. The top was unopened and she could see various bottles and plastic containers sticking out of it. He plopped it down on the nearest counter, an excited look on his face.

"I've actually had this planned for a while," he explained. "The whole you breaking up with Inuyasha thing. I got you all these gifts for when the big day actually came."

Laughing nervously, she picked up a bottle. "Seaweed lotion. Very nice."

He nodded. "It's very good for your skin. Use it after the sea salt scrub. I got you a whole ocean-themed bath set. It's hard to find something as natural and pure, but definitely worth the money and effort."

"Um, thank you."

Hojo held up a jar. "And here's a green clay body mask, that one's amazing, I use it constantly. And a sugar serum for your lips, makes them soft as silk, not that yours aren't already, but then again I wouldn't know." He laughed jovially.

"Thank you!" she repeated, thoroughly weirded out. "They're all so lovely. And I'd like to have dinner with you, but I um, promised Sango I would help her pick out a new toothbrush," she finished lamely.

The lie and her reluctance were obvious, even to Hojo. His face fell and his posture stiffened. "The offer's always open."

"Thanks again!"

He left without buying anything, almost knocking over a display of fairy tale books before he left. Had he even come in to buy anything? Kagome sighed in frustration. Great. She lost Inuyasha and then she lost one of her friends. What a lovely couple of days.


	11. Giving Up

Note: It's my one year anniversary of being an Inuyasha fan fiction smut writer! You're welcome.

Chapter Eleven: Giving Up

(Giving Up by Ingrid Michaelson)

"Thanks again for the flowers, Kōga," Kagome said sweetly. Her job was the only thing she had now, so it would be best not to make waves at work.

He beamed at her. "No problem. What do you say to another date tonight?"

Immediately, she opened her mouth to reply in a negative fashion, but took a second to actually think about it. As she had told herself time and time again, Kōga was a great guy. She really did like him and he was good company. He was handsome, kind, good with kids, and had a steady job. All those qualities put together were hard to find, and here he was pursuing her, which still boggled her mind. At the very least, he'd show her a good time. She blushed when she realized the double entendre.

"Sure!"

Grinning and confident, he gave her a kiss on the cheek and went back to where he had been stocking the shelves.

O/\o/\O

"The theme park!" Kagome said excitedly as Kōga pulled into the parking lot. "I've never been here! But I always wanted to go."

Inuyasha had turned her down time and time again all throughout high school for a date at the small, dinky theme park. Her mother had never allowed her to go and the only person she felt secure with in going behind her parent's back was Inuyasha. He said the rides were for little kids and broke down all the time and the smells always made him feel sick. Upset but understanding, Kagome ended up never going to Babes in Funland Park, but always mournfully gave it a dramatic, wistful stare whenever she passed it when driving about town with Inuyasha, which still wasn't enough to guilt him into taking her.

"Me too! Sometimes I wish I could just ask one of the parents that come to the store to loan one of their kids out so I wouldn't look like such an idiot if I came here."

"That's a good idea," Kagome nodded. She had frequently thought the same thing, only about Chuck E. Cheese.

"But we can go together now! Any time you want. Just say the word and I'll invent a family emergency for the both us and we can take off work and play hooky!" he said, a mischievous smile on his face.

She laughed, beginning to genuinely enjoy herself. "Only if you let me pay for dinner, boss."

Kagome had never thought she'd be one of those girls who insisted on paying for the whole date or even just part of it. With Inuyasha, she never felt weird having him dole out his meager allowance for everything, but with Kōga she increasingly found herself wanting to pay for the meal, for the entertainment, for the gas he'd use.

"Nonsense," he drawled, putting an arm around her as he strolled comfortably to the entrance. "My girl doesn't pay me in anything but smiles."

Grimacing a little at the cheesy line, she fixed a smile on her face and pecked him on the cheek, determined not to let her stupidly weird uncomfortable feelings around him ruin the evening. A teenage boy accepted their money and put bright orange wristbands on them, the papery kind that were all but impossible for her to take off unless she had scissors. Immediately when they entered the park, there was a swarm of children with their parents, beautiful families who were laughing and holding hands and eating ice cream. She saw one family with nine children, beautiful little curly-haired blonde, blue-eyed cherubs with rosy cheeks, all of them shriek-laughing the way only truly happy children did. The parents were beautiful, too, modelesque, grown-up versions of the kids, beatific smiles on their faces as they held hands and planned out where to go next. Kagome knew a lot of people would look at them in shock, horror, or outright disgust for having more than 2.5 children (one boy and one girl, of course), but she supposed that if she herself kept producing such beautiful children, she'd have nine as well, maybe even twelve or seventeen.

"You okay?" Kōga asked, peering at her face worriedly.

"Uh huh," she mumbled.

What would her and Kōga's kids look like? Suddenly, she couldn't breathe. If things kept going like they were, she would end up married to him. It wouldn't be bad, certainly not. But it would be… uncomfortable. That was really the only word that came to mind when she thought about how she felt about him. The only time she wasn't feeling uncomfortable around him was when they were doing purely work things or—or when he was kissing her. She blushed. They'd just have to keep kissing, then. As well as other things.

"So, you want to eat first, or do you want to go on some rides?"

"Rides!" she said, slowly recovering her earlier excited mood.

"Good choice."

Kagome clung to Kōga on the tilt-a-whirl, on several roller coasters, and on a haunted house ride. When they weren't on the rides, they were holding hands, or had their sides pressed together as he put an arm around her. The entire time, she was sending him telepathic signals to kiss her. She needed to see if it would be the same as that last time. All her (admittedly poor) attempts at seduction had gone unnoticed, even the old trick of slightly unbuttoning her blouse and laughing at everything he said whilst simultaneously touching him in places that were hardly an inch away from where it was appropriate. After a while, she felt like slapping him. If she came on any stronger, she'd feel like an idiot, and even then only half as dense as he was.

"Hey," he said softly, stopping in the middle of the walkway.

Was this it? She bit her lip and looked at him from beneath her lashes, knowing she was overdoing it.

"Yeah?" she whispered.

"Want some ice cream?"

Deflating, she nodded. "Swirl, please."

Again, they walked hand in hand, her licking the surprisingly good ice cream while wondering why she had never even thought to have dessert before dinner. Kōga was telling her some anecdote about his childhood that she thought a bit too personal, so she tuned it out in order to preserve her relatively positive opinion of him.

"…So then Ginta pulls up his pants and we just start freaking running, and by this time we're all laughing our asses off. I almost tripped over Hakkaku, poor bastard, and the cops—"

"Kagome?"

For some reason, her reaction to her sister's voice was to freak out and throw her ice cream to the ground to her right, where it hit a toddler's light-up sneakers and made him burst into tears. Ignoring the bawling child and his glaring parents, Kagome's hands started trembling, and she tried her utmost to remain calm. Kōga, for once picking up on her mood, held her hand, which surprised her with its comforting affects.

"Uh, hey Kikyo!"

Kikyo was wearing a tight lavender t-shirt that showed off her almost unnoticeable baby bump. It really just looked like she was having a fat day. A smile on her face, she hugged Kagome, not noticing when she inched away, trying to keep the gut full of life away from her. Maybe someday she would be able to love her niece or nephew, but today was not that day.

"Inuyasha, come say hi!"

Of course, wherever Kikyo was, now he would be there as well. There was a slight frown on his face and he kept his eyes on the ground, just like when she had woken up. Kagome began to panic. Kōga knew Inuyasha. He knew that the two of them had something going on. There was no mistaking that she and Kikyo were sisters. A cold sweat started to creep down her neck and she looked up at her boss. Smiling jovially, he shook Kikyo's hand, introducing himself. He didn't appear to recognize Inuyasha, which was odd. Was he simply faking for her benefit? Confused but relieved, she allowed herself to relax a little and listen to their conversation.

"This is where Inuyasha and I had our first official date!" Kikyo revealed, smiling fondly at her husband.

Kagome felt like throwing up. He had never wanted to take her there, and she had only asked about a hundred times. But he took her sister there for that special first date? She wanted to be angry, but all she could feel was a desire to run, to run far away and cry in Kōga's car.

"One of those classic high-school sweetheart dates, huh?" Kōga remarked, unwittingly driving a knife through Kagome's already brutalized heart. "That's great. Kagome and I haven't been here before tonight. I didn't know that before coming here, and now I'm a hundred times gladder I chose this place. I usually go out of my mind trying to impress this girl, but it's all been worth it since she's finally mine." He grinned at her and she smiled back, unsuccessfully trying to stop her lips from quivering.

"How sweet!" Kikyo replied, looking between the two of them. "I can definitely see this working out. You two have something special, anyone can see that just by looking at you. I wouldn't be surprised if Kagome's looking like this before too long," she laughed, gesturing to her barely there bump.

Kagome blushed, humiliated. Did she really have to go that far?! Kōga merely laughed.

"Not until after the wedding. Heck, I'd be willing to elope and marry her tonight, but I've yet to make her as crazy about me as I am about her. It's just a matter of time, though. I'll court Kagome until we've reached the same place emotionally," he said generously, kissing the top of her head after his speech.

What had she gotten herself into?

"Sounds like she'll be needing a restraining order instead of a marriage certificate," Inuyasha said, sounding far angrier than he had any right to be.

"Don't be like that, honey," Kikyo said, putting a hand on his. "I think it's very sweet."

"He's right," Kōga said with a laugh. "I know I'm coming off as some sort of wacko, but that's how I feel. I'm not going to try and deny it. And she's still with me, so that's got to be saying something."

"I wouldn't say 'sort of' a wacko," Inuyasha said before anyone could prevent it. "You're a fucking psycho. You don't know her, you don't know anything about her, and you think you love her? That's not how love works. You're just a fucking idiot!"

"Inuyasha!" Kikyo hissed, realizing the severity of the moment.

"Like you're one to talk," Kōga shot back, his eyes narrowing the slightest bit. "You're as crazy as I am, bastard."

There was a tense moment, and then Inuyasha glanced at her, hatred filling his eyes. "Well, all that means is your precious girlfriend is a goddamn. Fucking. Whore," he emphasized, spitting after the last word, wiping his mouth in disgust.

Kōga growled, actually growled, and shook Kagome off his arm from where she had been begging him without words not to retaliate. She wanted to do something, say something, anything to stop what was going to happen, but she couldn't. Just having Inuyasha there, so close, had rendered her incapable of human speech. She felt lost.

"You fucker! She's not going to stop me this time!" Kōga shouted, moving faster than she thought possible and punching his rival in the face. He didn't stop there, just kept going and going. Twice, three times, four times. All with painfully accurate, vengeful precision. Kikyo was yelling at the both of them, looking more embarrassed than worried, and all Kagome could do was cry, both hands pressed against her mouth. She wanted to tell Inuyasha to fight back, to do something! But all he did was take it, welcome it as though he wanted it. She even thought there was a small smile on his face. Kagome had seen him get into a couple fights before and knew he could handle himself, so why was he just there, doing nothing?

Finally, Kōga decided he was done. Apparently, it wasn't very satisfying hitting a man who wouldn't hit back. Shaking droplets of blood off his hand, both his and Inuyasha's, he glared at the man who was still somehow standing after the assault.

Inuyasha wiped the blood off his face, not looking at any of them or the crowd gathered around them.

"This night's fucking ruined. I'm going to the car."

And he walked off.

Kikyo stared at his retreating back before looking back to Kagome and her date. "Sorry about his attitude. He's been so stressed lately. Goodbye!" She trotted off after him.

"I-I-I don't feel well," Kagome whispered, surprised by her sudden ability to speak again.

Kōga looked at her sorrowfully. After a moment, he sighed. "I'm sorry we couldn't have a longer evening together, but I get it. That bastard deserved more than just a couple hits. I'll take you home."

O/\o/\O

Kagome didn't go back to work. She couldn't. She could hardly get out of bed. Sango tried her best, promising to let her shower first from now on, but it was no use. Mostly, she just slept. Dreams were so much more realistic when she slept sixteen hours a day. She could even control them, after a while. Although all it did was make her feel worse. Her bed was her home for a week, and then she woke up. Really woke up. Without notifying Sango of her abrupt recovery from her mystery illness, she got up, showered, dressed, and left the house.

Kōga's Kiddie Kodices looked just as it had before, not needing her in order to continue to exist and function. Kōga would be the same, she reasoned with herself. Now, she wished more than ever that she could turn back time. She would not go back to before the accident, but to immediately after. If she could go back, she'd leave town immediately and go far away. She wouldn't have toyed around with Kōga and Hojo and Inuyasha. This world wasn't hers anymore. There was no place in this town that she belonged. She'd have to carve out a place for herself, and to do that she had to break free from everything and everyone holding her back.

Of course, she would never love anyone but Inuyasha, at least not as much. Her heart had already decided for her, and there was no fighting it. Maybe with time and patience and concentration, she could learn to care for someone and that someone would love her the way the man she left behind would not, could not, should not.

The store was mostly empty, a few stragglers lingering here and there, lookers but not buyers. She had come at a slow time intentionally. Walking over to the counter, she waited for Kōga, whom she knew would appear sooner or later.

"Kagome?"

That was a surprise. "Hojo." Her voice had a rough quality to it from all the crying she had done. "I'm glad you're here."

He eyed her lack of a name tag. "Are you on break or something?"

"Kagome!" Kōga said, jogging up to the counter, sounding relieved. "Hey, were you sick or something? I tried calling and your roommate kind of just blubbered a bunch of nonsense about freaking you out with a tooth brush or whatever. She was really worried."

"I'm quitting." Kagome thought it was best to be blunt at this time. "And I'm leaving town. I just wanted to thank you for everything, Kōga, and you too, Hojo." She wanted to want to cry. "Thank you for healing me, Hojo, and thank you for giving me a purpose, Kōga. I'm sorry if I led either of you to believe there could be something more between us, but I'm just not emotionally available right now."

There. She had said it. Her detached and obviously rehearsed speech. She took a deep breath, looking back and forth between Hojo and Kōga. Hojo shook his head and walked out, for once not being the sweet man she knew him to be. Kagome sighed. It was understandable. He had probably paid too much attention to the talk of the other nurses when they had joked about them getting together in some sort of soap opera way. Kōga's reaction mystified her, however. He was smiling at her, leaning on the counter.

"I'm a patient man, Kagome. The time will come when you'll realize what I realized the moment I first saw you."

Torn between gratefulness and irritation at his confidence, she settled on a small smile and gave him a hug, careful not to press too close.

"I'll miss you, Kōga. Really." She felt like Dorothy talking to the Scarecrow at the end of the Wizard of Oz.

"Take this." He handed her a paper rectangle, which she realized was a check. To her surprise, it was more than triple the normal amount she usually received. "Don't want my woman going hungry on the road," he said with a grin. "When are you leaving?"

"A few days from now. I want to say goodbye to my sister and the rest of our family, and Sango, my roommate, will probably want to throw a party. Thank you again, Kōga. You're really the greatest." She meant it.

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered, suddenly a little embarrassed. "Invite me to your going away party, alright? See you, kid."

And for the last time, she walked out of Kōga's Kiddie Kodices, feeling both lighter and heavier than she had in years.

 


	12. My Aim is True

**Chapter Twelve: My Aim is True**

**(Alison by Elvis Costello)**

Folding the few clothes she would not be taking with her and putting them into a cardboard box, Kagome was finally done packing. She'd be donating most of her possessions to the local church, but the clothes she'd keep. Kōga had given her enough money so that when added to the rest of her small stash, she'd be able to rent an apartment for a couple months, during which time she'd look for work. She was thinking of going to the desert, or maybe even the mountains. Somewhere she'd never been to before that wasn't full of people that knew her, like a big city or even just a regular town. Sango had not taken the news well and, just as she had predicted, was going to throw a party tonight for her. After a good night's sleep, she'd leave first thing in the morning, planning on only really deciding where she'd go once she hit the airport.

"There," she said to herself, rearranging the shirts and skirts so that they looked more presentable. The doorbell rang loudly and she jumped. Sango must have come back early. "Be right there!" she called when she kept pressing the button, probably leaning on it. Kagome rolled her eyes. She was always so impatient! Quickly, she went to the door, yanking it open irritably.

It was Inuyasha.

She gasped and he pushed open the door and shoved past her, slamming it behind him and locking it. The look on his face was murderous and she could smell the alcohol on him. It was hardly noon! For the first time, she was afraid of him, not knowing what he might do.

"G-go home," she said, her heart beating like mad. "I'll call Kikyo, I swear!"

He laughed, his mouth turned down at the corners. "Go ahead, the bitch knows where I am."

Her brows shot up, his tone telling her everything. "You _told_ her?!" she shrieked.

Inuyasha nodded, his dark eyes glaring at her viciously. "Everything. I told her fucking _every_ thing. The night we ran into you and your sugar daddy at the park and you just let him go at me like a goddamn animal, I told her everything I had ever wanted to tell her. And she didn't say a thing." His fists clenched and Kagome was afraid he'd hit her. He was beyond the point of caring about social mores. His eyes told her she was worthless. "But you know what she did? After I went in to work yesterday, she changed the locks, contacted a divorce attorney, and—terminated the pregnancy."

Somehow, she had known what he was going to say before he said it, the dread in her gut that had existed since that night a little over a week ago telling her that this was all her fault. His voice had choked on the last few words and she instinctively grieved with him.

"Oh, Inuyasha," she whispered, the tears spilling without her knowing it. "Oh god, I'm so sor—"

He cut her off with a cruel laugh. "So now you have me all to yourself, Kagome. Isn't that what you wanted? No sister or baby to compete with? Just me."

"I never wanted this!" she cried, shaking her head. How did he back her against the wall? She slid down and brought her knees to her chest, feeling a trembling inside. She had never wanted Inuyasha to lose everything. Never wanted to hurt Kikyo so badly, never wanted to destroy a budding, beautiful life.

But, if she were being honest with herself, in her darkest moments during the time she had stayed in bed, she had thought up this exact scenario, multiple times in multiple ways. Kikyo dying in a car accident. Kikyo being mugged and stabbed on the street, a knife jutting out of her stomach. Kikyo having an affair for months and coming clean, admitting the child wasn't his. Kikyo killing herself after realizing she could never have all of her husband. Kikyo just suddenly disappearing, nowhere to be found. All of those dreams ended in Inuyasha coming to her, admitting he had never loved Kikyo, that he only wanted her. That he was glad, glad he no longer had to pretend anymore out of some silly obligation he didn't quite understand why he held on to. The darkness of her thoughts, her willingness to dwell on them for days, was what let her know that she had to get out of town, had to leave everyone and everything behind.

"Too fucking bad," he hissed, his eyes bloodshot and tortured. "I was going to give it all up for you, Kagome. But you just took it without giving anything in return."

"But I did!" she stressed in a tight voice. "I gave you the only thing I have. You were my first, Inuyasha. Do you understand how much that means to me?!"

He shook his head and laughed without smiling, towering over her. "I slid into you too easy. There's no way you saved yourself for me." His voice went from being tinged with sadness back to enraged. "What, was your boss not a good enough fuck so you decided to play around with me for an afternoon? Is that it?!"

Kagome shook her head, desperately hurting inside as she scrambled to her feet. "That's not true!" When he just continued to stare at her, pain and disgust on his face, she became angry. "What about you, huh? What makes you think you have the _right_ to be jealous and make accusations after everything!" she yelled, pushing him hard, almost violently hitting his chest. He didn't step back, not even an inch. Tears streamed down her face and she couldn't help the whining sounds that escaped from her throat. " _You_ ruined your life. Not me! Yes, I wanted you to choose me, but not like this. You should have left her as soon as I woke up. You should have never even been with her in the first place, never should have had a child with her. You belong with me!" she shrieked, immediately covering her mouth afterward. Her voice had sounded horrible, evil even. But it was hers. Her voice, her words, her thoughts.

Inuyasha's mouth twisted into something resembling a grin. "Looks like we're both jealous."

Still shocked at what she had said, Kagome's tears fell faster, racing down her face. "I… I didn't mean…"

He shook his head. "You did. We're alike, Kagome. It may not show on the surface, but we're the same." He seemed a bit more sober now, but still incredibly angry, only now it was pushed beneath the surface. "We hate it when we don't get our way. We'd rather see others dead than with something we want."

"No!" she murmured miserably. "It was just—At the park—You never took me!" A thousand emotions warred in her. Could she really be as bad as Inuyasha said she was? As he said he was?

Inuyasha snorted. "You're mad about that fuckin' kiddie amusement park?!" His voice was lethal, his words bullets piercing her heart with their disgust. "Yeah, I took her there for our first date. 'Cause you always wanted to go…" His eyes moistened and then went unfocused for a bit, remembering things from a time she had missed. "And then I fucked her in the bathroom. Right up against the stall door. It was the first time I wasn't pretending she was you. It hurt."

She couldn't look at him. "Why are you telling me this?" Her voice was as small as she felt and she wrapped her arms around her middle, shivering even though it was not cold.

For a moment, he didn't say anything, only staring at her, swaying a bit. Then his lip curled in a frightening manner, making her heart pump once stronger than she liked. Shooting his arm out fast, he pushed her like she had done to him, and since she was unprepared, she stumbled backwards. Before she could regain her footing, he pushed again, and she fell to the couch, tripping over the arm. Knowing he was beyond angry and not in his right mind, Kagome turned around and scrambled to flee. The sudden grip of his hands on her hips prevented her, and she became still, knowing what he was going to do and wanting to believe it wasn't true.

Inuyasha said nothing, instead climbing over her, his weight trapping her on the furniture. It was only when she heard him unzip his jeans and felt the clothed stiffness against her backside that she began to sob. He was going to do it. Inuyasha was going to hurt her in that way. What was stopping him? He already thought she was a whore, that she had deliberately destroyed his life. There was no possibility she could beg her way out of it, not with the state he was in. Slowly, he lifted her skirt, trailing his nails up her thigh with one hand as the other held her face down into the fabric of the sofa. His fingers made it to the waistband of her underwear and dragged them down, the position she was in not hiding a thing from his angry eyes. Kagome heard the rustling of fabric before she felt him brushing against her slit. She didn't want him to make love to her like they'd done last time. No, this time she wanted him to fuck her, to take ownership of her, to prove how much he wanted her. She bit back a moan, hating herself for instantly reacting to him in a way that was far from negative after all the things he had said and done.

But then he was still, not doing anything. Nothing was worse than something, as far as she was concerned, and somehow the fact that she hated him almost as much as she loved him turned her on like nothing else. He had been right then, right about her character. She had always tried to be a good girl, and was in many ways a genuinely good person. But when it came to him? That was when things started to get messed up. Few were the things she wouldn't do to keep him. Sure, she could run, but she'd only be back, most likely in a matter of months. He was everything. The heat built up within her, but she wasn't at a point where she would throw herself at the man who had attempted to force himself on her. Frustrated at his silence, she flipped over, easily escaping the hold of the hand on her neck that had begun to shake. Inuyasha was kneeling over her, his face lost, reminding her of a child. She could feel her features soften. She had all of him now. All of him. She was responsible for his happiness, and she'd take her duty seriously.

Cupping the side of his face, Kagome brought Inuyasha down to her, kissing him as tenderly as she knew how. In a matter of seconds, starting with his lips trembling, followed by an almost inaudible whimper, Inuyasha was raining tears down onto her face, hardly kissing her back. Concerned, Kagome separated from him, her eyes studying his questioningly. He only continued to stare at her in between rapid blinks, the tears still leaking once every couple seconds. She wanted to tell him something. That she loved him, that she was leaving, that she would stay if he asked. But he turned away, the vehemence of that one action shocking her into forgetting the important words.

And then he was gone, slamming the door behind him as he left.

Kagome stayed in the same place for a few minutes until she stopped gasping instead of breathing. Stumbling to her feet, she grabbed for the phone which Sango had left on the side of the couch. She had to know. Inuyasha could have misunderstood, or Kikyo could have lied just to hurt him. Dialing the number from memory, she waited for her to pick up, not expecting her to answer once she saw who was calling.

To her surprise, she did.

At first there was just silence, her too scared to say anything and Kikyo feeling whatever she did. Finally, she could not hold it in anymore.

"Kikyo, I—"

Kikyo interrupted her choked whisper with a calm, steady, heartbreakingly empty voice that was no longer musical. "We are no longer family. You stole mine from me, so that is what I will do to you. Don't come back to the Shrine. I would rather burn it down than have you set foot in it ever again."

The dial tone echoed in her head and she hung up. New tears stinging her eyes, she carefully pressed the numbers for Inuyasha's cell phone. It rang and rang, no answer.

"Kagome?"

Kagome turned around, making sure to dry her eyes before she did so. "Sango. You did come back early." She managed a small smile for her friend's benefit.

She nodded. "Anyway, I wanted to tell you for a while, but you were in such a funk, and then you sprung that whole moving thing on me that I almost completely forgot." Her friend took a deep breath and Kagome waited for her to continue. "I'm engaged!"

Kagome burst into tears.

Stumbling a bit, Sango continued, "Oh, sweetie, I know he gives off that creepy vibe and everything and you think he's weird and all, but I really—"

"No, it's fine," Kagome sobbed. "It's just… I'm just so happy for you." The lie was worth her friend's radiant grin. "I still have to leave tonight, though. I have to."

Sango's face fell. "But I need you here! You're gonna be my maid of honor! It's either you or my bitch boss, Kagome, come on!"

"I'll come back for your wedding," she compromised.

"Promise?"

She sniffled. "Definitely."

They cuddled on the floor until Sango had to leave for her date, at which time Kagome felt comfortable enough to cry again.

Before she found another comfortable position on the floor which she considered optimal for feeling sorry for herself, there was a knock on the door.

"Sango!" she shrieked, all remaining gooey sisterly feelings from their "moment" now gone. "Remember your goddamn keys for once!"

Stomping to the door, she opened it angrily, surprised to be confronted with the sight of a very meek and somewhat frightened-looking Hojo. She stared at him for a while, a little embarrassed.

"Uh, can we, uh, go for a walk?" he stammered, his face flushing.

She nodded, her guilt rising up her throat. At the very least, she owed him an explanation. "Sure."

Closing the door behind her, she followed him out into the street, wondering if she should go back and get her shoes or not. She decided not to, since it was warm out and the streets were relatively clean and maybe she needed to punish herself a little bit.

"I'm sorry," he said lowly, glancing at her. "For how I reacted to your news, I mean. I had no right to make assumptions about the two of us."

"It's no big deal, Hojo," she said as nicely as she could. "You've helped me a lot, probably more than anyone. I'll never forget you."

His face brightened a little. "Good. I just wish you could have gotten to know me a little more."

"Me too," she said honestly. Something niggled at her brain as they turned a corner and she wrinkled her brow in thought. "Hey, wait a minute, Hojo. How did you know where I live?"

All she saw before the darkness overwhelmed her was his white, Chiclet-sized teeth bared in his typical, boy next door smile.


	13. Under Heaven

**Chapter Thirteen: Under Heaven**

**(Turn! Turn! Turn! by Pete Seeger)**

Her head was killing her, her wrists were aching and she was hungry, so incredibly hungry. Did she smell coconut? Coconut shrimp would taste so good. Or those coconut bars she used to buy from the Mexican market. Or a vanilla coconut cake. Or freaking samoa cookies, those would hit the spot. Groggily, she opened her eyes, only to be met with a blur. Knowing that wasn't right, she blinked rapidly, ignoring the pain in her head as she did so. There was a tickling sensation on her thighs, and she looked down, her vision clearing as she did so.

There was Hojo, rubbing some sort of lotion on her while he kissed her thighs, his lips touching her everywhere she didn't want him to even see.

"Hojo?!" she screamed, somehow not able to feel completely frightened of the classically handsome man with the open, friendly face, even in such incredibly fucked up circumstances.

He brought his face away from where he had been edging closer and closer to a place she didn't even want to think about at the moment. Beaming up at her, those teeth of his letting her remember what had happened, he wiped his glistening mouth on the sleeve of his scrubs.

"Kagome! You're finally up!"

"What's going on?!"

Her eyes frantically darted around the room. His walls were one big collage of _her_. Old pictures from her high school days, in the halls of the school, hanging out with Inuyasha or Sango, in her house. Pictures of her and what she must have looked like in her coma, from that very first day. Pictures of her at work. Pictures of her one and only complete moment, that afternoon with Inuyasha in his car in the Taco Bell parking lot, grainy and obviously taken from far away with Inuyasha cut out. Her groan of dread changed to a scream when Hojo's hand touched her naked breast, smearing it with something.

"Cocoa butter heals scars," he remarked in his normal soft and cheery voice before fastening his lips on her nipple and sucking. "Coconut oil makes skin soft, plus it's good for you." His words were a bit hard to make out with her flesh in his mouth.

Tremors of disgust coursed through her and she tried to wrench away from him, but her position made that impossible. Her hands were tied above her head, attached to some metal structure hanging from the ceiling and her back was against the wall. He noticed her struggling, though, and squeezed her breast a touch harder than what was comfortable.

"Don't stress yourself. You've got a concussion, and it's not like we've never done this before. Just relax and it will feel good."

"You mean—You-you-you _touched_ —when I was—" Her panicked, nearly incoherent stammering ended in a scream as he bit her breast, shoving two of his fingers inside of her.

"We've been doing this for a while, my love," he soothed, bringing his lips to her face and laying kisses on her skin soaked in fear sweat. "I was the first one to have you, not that dog. Your body belonged to me for years."

His hands trailed up her arms, giving her goose bumps. Deftly, he untied the knot that kept her imprisoned, and the moment he tugged her hands free of the rope, she slapped him, wishing she had long fingernails like Sango so she could claw his eyes out. Not even a mite slowed down, he hit her back, the blow making her ears ring. Her head felt like it was imploding and she fell to her knees, holding back the vomit that was trying to make its way out into the open. It would just incapacitate her that much more.

"Still can't see a good thing when it's right in front of you, huh?" he said, sounding more like the bitterly friendzoned yet still lighthearted best guy friend character from an eighties movie than a deranged rapist.

Grabbing the ends of her hair and twirling the length around his fist, he pulled, dragging her and making her scream, her scalp aching in agony. Kicking open the door of what she assumed was his bedroom, he pulled her into a bigger room, one that was probably supposed to be the living room but was devoid of any furniture or entertainment devices. The only thing in the room was a beaten-up Inuyasha, slumped over on the floor, hands and ankles tied to the point of cutting into his skin. He looked out of it, bruises and blood all over his face. He whimpered something and she thought it sounded like her name, but she wasn't vain enough to believe it.

Hojo let go of her hair and she fell to the floor, rendered immobile by the shocking sight of her half-dead love.

"You see what kind of monster you let put his hands on you?!"

"What do you mean, Hojo?" she said as steadily as she could, trying not to anger him further. The situation was much more serious now that he had Inuyasha as well. He wasn't awake, so she had to protect him, she had to be strong. "Let Inuyasha go, I'll do whatever you say, just let him go and don't hurt him anymore."

He sighed, sounding mildly disappointed. "I can't do that, Kagome, not even for you. He is a scourge on the world. Pure evil."

"What are you talking about?!" she cried, for the first time meeting his eyes. Whatever delusions Hojo had dreamed up were beyond her comprehension. "You're scaring me."

Giving her a pitying look, he crossed the room to where Inuyasha was sitting in a few strides, putting his hand down through the blood-stained neck of his shirt and taking out the beaded necklace he always wore, pulling it over his head.

Immediately, Inuyasha began to change.

His hair that had once been almost as dark as hers quickly lightened into a pale silver so rapidly that she could not quite track it with her eyes. Nubs raised on the top of his head, getting bigger and bigger until they changed into something like dog ears. Even the color of his skin changed from its normal tan to something slightly more golden-toned, a shade she thought was not possible in human variation, although only by the smallest degree. He would have hated her for mentioning it, but he was so beautifully stunning that he almost shimmered in her eyes. She had never seen anything like him.

"This monster disguised himself and lived among us," Hojo said, righteous fury in his voice. "He would stand outside your window every night. I thought he was like me at first, just another competitor for your attention, but then one night he took that necklace off and just sniffed around your yard, holding clothing he had stolen from you to his face. He's an animal, a devil given corporeal form."

Now that the necklace was off, Inuyasha seemed to be getting better and better, his heart-breaking wounds healing before her. His eyes opened and he blinked, taking in his bound limbs. Kagome stopped breathing when she realized his orbs were a bright yellow gold. His eyes raised and looked around the room, and anyone would have thought him calm had they not observed the rigidity of his posture. Everything in her stopped when he finally looked at her.

"Kagome," he growled, his voice sounding rougher. She covered her naked body, the anger in his gaze reminding her of her shame. "So you fucking helped him, you lying bitch. And you fucking _fucked_ him. I can't believe I ever trusted you!"

Still stunned at his sudden change in appearance, she replied, "Inuyasha, w-what's going on? Why do you look… different?"

The skin around his eyes softened in understanding and he looked down at his hands, now sporting claws. "I never wanted you to know, never wanted you to see me this way. I never wanted you to find out. Not even Kikyo knew, but she would have found out eventually if she hadn't…" he trailed off, an unspeakable sadness in his eyes. "She was already feeling it, anyway. More exhaustion than with a normal pregnancy and she was growing too fast."

"What are you?" she whispered, wishing more than anything she could go to him, hold him.

"A demon!" Hojo yelled, making her jump. For just a moment, she had forgotten about him. "This is why you had to get hurt, Kagome. Because of this _beast_."

"What are you talking about?!" she cried out, now doubly afraid.

"I had to protect you," Hojo said softly, running his fingers through her hair, not noticing her flinch. "You were going to give yourself to a monster, you were going to let him ruin you! You didn't know me, and I knew you wouldn't listen. So I had to take extreme measures, make sure he couldn't ever have you."

"You?!" Inuyasha shouted. "You hurt her!"

"You were the one who almost killed me?" she said in a shaky whisper. His eyes were sad, but in them it was obvious that he felt no regret. He thought it a necessary, yet inconvenient, action that he had to take. "I thought you saved me, Hojo. But you… You ruined my life!"

Hojo grabbed her hands, his blue eyes pleading with her. "Don't think of it that way, Kagome. I did it because I love you!"

Before she knew what was happening, his lips were on hers and his hands were traveling over her scars en route to her bottom. He squeezed and caressed her and she cried, the pounding in her head and the overwhelming nausea at his actions and from her concussion paralyzing her.

"Don't worry," he whispered into her ear, licking the lobe. "He can't break out of those ropes. They're blessed. It will only hurt him more." Directing his next comment at Inuyasha, he said loudly, "I had her before you, and I'm having her after you, demon. Now watch as I restore her purity with my own."

Hojo fumbled with the button and zipper on his khakis, kicking his pants off. He pawed at her breasts, and everything around her faded. Dimly, she heard Inuyasha yelling her name, telling her to fight. But soon his voice was gone again and Hojo was probing her entrance with his fingers and then something else, trying to tease her into moistening for him, but she knew that wasn't going to happen. And she knew that because of that, he'd make it hurt. And she knew that after that, he'd kill Inuyasha, and then he'd come back to her. A tear leaked out to run down her temple as she braced herself for what she knew would be the worst night of her life. He was biting her again, his large, blunt teeth practically chewing on her nipple, gnawing on it like a gummy candy.

And then the feeling was gone.

She opened her eyes again and saw three claws embedded into Hojo's forehead, the fourth in his eye, the fifth in his temple. Inuyasha was standing over the both of them, his eyes glowing red and a smile on his face, his mouth filled with fangs. Kagome scooted back, not sure which one of the men to fear more. Hojo was screaming and struggling, lashing out with hands and feet, blood and a jelly-like substance streaming out from his eye socket, but Inuyasha held him harder, finally flinging him off his claws and into the wall like a bowling ball, where he hit it with a loud thud.

Calling out to her for help, Hojo shakily got to his feet, his previous confidence nowhere to be seen now that he didn't have the protection of the blessed ropes. Laughably, he took a wrestler's stance, crouching as he glared at his opponent with his remaining eye. Inuyasha was on him in a flash, and Kagome didn't allow herself to close her eyes again, forcing herself to watch what the man she loved was capable of for her sake, for his own sake. He showed no mercy, tearing his flesh off little bit by littler bit, cracking bones and ripping them out before putting them back inside by stabbing him with them. It didn't end when Hojo died, either. It didn't end until Hojo was just a smear across the entire room.

Which was precisely when he rounded on her.

Inuyasha advanced, seeming to take pleasure in her increasing fear, holding his claws up and miming swiping at her, laughing when she flinched.

"No, Inuyasha, no!" she moaned, her voice shaking only half as much as the rest of her. "I don't care what you look like, what you are! I still love you."

Kagome had intended that to be a parting speech, hoping it would reach some part of him that was tucked away deep inside. She was surprised when he stopped in his tracks, and pleasantly surprised when his eyes gradually lightened to the still foreign but much more welcome gold. He just stood there, dazed and staring at her, unconsciously flexing his fingers, wiping the gore off on his pants.

"Inuyasha?" she said tentatively, wanting to believe that she had him back all the way, but not sure.

"Kagome," he replied, his throat sounding dry. "We… We should leave."

She nodded, swallowing nervously, and got to her feet with his help, ignoring the sick feelings churning in her gut when she touched the slippery blood. He knelt in front of her, which confused her momentarily, but then she got on his back, the feeling natural even though they had not ever done that before. Inuyasha walked over to the broad window slick with blood and shoved it open, clawing through the screen and stepping out onto the apartment's roof. And so they traveled from rooftop to rooftop, Kagome keeping her eyes shut against the wind, not knowing where they were anyway since it was so dark and he moved so fast. Finally, they came to a stop on yet another rooftop, and he helped her off his back. She stared at him, exploring his features. Shifting uncomfortably, he avoided her gaze and slipped his necklace back on, which he must have grabbed back in the apartment without her seeing it, reverting back to his former self. Still not looking at her, he turned to go, walking towards the door that led to the rest of the building. Belatedly, she recognized it and realized they were on the roof of Sango's place, which she had only been up on once when she had first moved in.

"You can't just run away after all that!" she said desperately, making him stop in his tracks.

"Of course I fucking can!" he roared, snarling at her.

"Was he right?" she asked, her eyes big as she approached him. "Are you really a… A demon?"

He nodded. "Only half. Mom's human." Looking pointedly at her complete lack of clothing, he said, "I'd give you my shirt, but it's covered in blood. You'll attract less attention as you are. Hurry inside before you catch a chill." When she said nothing, he continued, "Don't worry, I'll disappear."

Inuyasha turned around again and she lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Please don't." She stood on the tips of her toes to kiss the back of his neck.

Slowly, he faced her. "Do… Do you still want me?" His dark eyes were like she'd never seen them before, wounded and vulnerable, scared of himself and of her. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Forgive you for what? Saving me?"

Tears welled in his eyes but did not fall. "No! For—For everything! I didn't save you, I never did. I could have saved you, Kagome, I know I could have! I could have ripped off the necklace and pushed you out of the way of that psycho's car. But I was too much of a goddamn coward! I thought I'd lose you if you saw what I looked like, what I really am, but then I ended up really losing you."

"You have me, Inuyasha. Forever." She cupped his face in between her hands, ignoring the flecks of blood. His lips trembled as she kissed him, but were still soft and sweet.

"I love you," he whispered, his arms holding her close to him, closer than ever.

"I love you, too, and that's not just the concussion talking," she replied, smiling. "You're going to have to tell me all about yourself, though. I've known you for so long, yet you've been keeping something this big from me all this time."

Inuyasha sighed, burying his face in her hair. "You don't know how much I wanted to tell you. I was even thinking of telling you the night you got hurt, and then I talked myself out of it, and then you—"

Kagome kissed him, not wanting him to hurt himself with his own words any longer. "It doesn't matter anymore. We're together now."

He nodded, swaying with her, before jerking away but not quite out of her arms. "Do you prefer my human form?" His eyes were big and anxious, and for a second she thought she saw a flash of gold in them.

Not able to answer right away, she stopped and thought about it. "That's the form I've always known you in, but it really doesn't matter what you look like. I _love_ you. And I think the ears are cute, plus fangs are always sexy," she finished with a smirk.

He laughed, looking a few years younger as he removed the necklace, stuffing it into his jeans pocket.

"Now you can be my wife and my mate. I never thought I'd have that."

"Your what?" she asked distractedly, watching the change once again. She didn't think she'd ever get used to it.

"Demon thing," he said off-handedly. "We live longer, so we have to perform a special ritual when we fall in love with a human."

"And what does that ritual entail?" she asked curiously, pictured pentagrams and blood and hooded cloaks gathered around a fire in the woods on a full moon.

"Sex," he said bluntly. "Lots and lots of sex. And a bite. But mostly the sex."

"Oh." She wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed. Maybe they could combine her version with his. "So… what now?"

Inuyasha seemed as stumped as Kagome was. "Uh, well, Hojo's dead. In a very suspicious way. I've got the evidence all over my clothes, and your stuff is probably in or around his building." Her mouth dropped open, she hadn't thought of that. Now she was scared. "But don't worry. The company will take care of that."

"Company?"

"Yeah, Taisho Co. We're an all-demon company. We deal with demon finances, ancient funds that can't be put into regular banks, but that's just one facet. There's also a clean-up crew for anything like this. I'll call them, so it'll be okay."

"That's… helpful."

Nodding, he continued, "I've been staying in a hotel room since the fight with Kikyo. You can stay with me, if you want."

"You can stay in my room!" she offered, not particularly wanting to stay in some stuffy hotel. "I don't think Sango would mind."

"I'd mind," he said crossly. "I can hear her and that creepy perv going at it right now."

Kagome stared at him in awe. "You can hear that?! All the way from up here?"

Inuyasha nodded, and his ears twitched. "Heightened senses. Just one of the perks." She reached up and touched a finger to the appendage, surprised by how soft and warm it was. "How about we go to my dad's old place in the mountains? There's a lake and a bit of forest. No neighbors. You can become better acquainted with my true appearance." He said the last part suggestively and she blushed. Would the sex be better now? It had to be, at least on an emotional level now that there were no more secrets between them.

"But what happens after?" She just had to ask.

His golden eyes hardened. "I'll get the shrine back for you, Kagome, I swear. I know Kikyo hates it there, and she'll probably agree to a settlement once she cools down."

That wasn't what she had been talking about, but she was touched nonetheless. "How'd you know she banned me from going there ever again?"

He snorted. "That was all she was going on about when she was all mad at you for a while, so I figured she'd probably do that. But anyway, from now on, it's your call. Anything you want, anyway you want it, anywhere. I'll always say yes."

"If I say I want you to sneak inside the apartment and get me some clothes?" she said, leaning closer to him and kissing his cheek.

"Yes." His breath was soft against her skin and she smiled.

"If I say I want you to wait until we get to the cabin to touch me intimately, and only after you carry me over the threshold?"

"Yes."

"If I say I want you to fuck me on every surface there, even outside, even if it's raining, snowing, hailing?"

"Yes," he nearly moaned. Apparently, her nudity had been having an effect on him for a while.

"If I say I want you to love me until the day you and I die and forever after that?"

He snorted at her serious tone. "Do you really have to ask? _Yes._ "

Kagome smiled, the perpetual feeling of having been cheated that she'd possessed since she'd woken up long gone, the unacknowledged anger at the powers that be completely evaporated, all negativity replaced with love and the nearly overwhelming knowledge that she was loved. The rising sun outlined Inuyasha in red and gold, making him look more like a fallen angel than a demon, but wasn't that just what demons were, anyway? Hand in his, she let him lead her down the stairs of the apartment building and straight to their destiny.

**Note: The end! Special thanks to BashiYami, who is amazing and wonderful and wonderfully amazing. Hope you all enjoyed yet another half-assed ending. I'm working on some longer stories right now and I will try to start posting before the end of the year, but I make no promises. My normally soap opera-ish life has been unusually hectic of late so I don't have as much time and inspiration as I'd like. I've been updating pretty regularly so far in 2014, but I can't promise regular updates now since I'm only on chapter 5 of my next story. Follow me if you want, since this might take a while. Aside from all that, I'm going to keep writing until I'm all out of ideas, so we're gonna be friends for at least a couple more years, even if I'm the only one left in the fandom, haha. Stay tuned!**


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